MONKEYWATCH - October 2006

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings once more, Monkeywatchers, and welcome another dose of myth and folklore from the legendary land of Funtasia.

 

The media are making a big thing of the problems with squatters in Thailand at the moment. They highlighted a particular case where a chap from Bangkok went to America for a few days and load of blokes broke into his house and took up residence. They weren’t poor folk either, as they were all said to be sporting the latest design in combat trousers. Shocking, it was. They drove their big green off-roaders all over his nice lawn and even got a few of their mates to stand outside to make sure that nobody could chuck them out and change the locks. Don’t know what the world’s coming to these days.

 

Pattaya’s got its own problems with bad behaviour as well, of course, as can be witnessed by this drunken lout urinating in the swimming pool of a local hotel.

 

Gangs of monkeymen have also been seen causing trouble outside Big C in North Pattaya.

 

Following the somewhat damp weather, the authorities would like to assure visitors that Underwater World Pattaya is an ocean aquarium and not the new name for Walking Street.

 

Here’s an unexpected bit of news for you - Beach Road’s been dug up again. It’s all in a good cause, of course, and several exciting new tourist attractions have now been installed. The first is a series of reproductions of famous Thai works of sculpture that now line Beach Road following their official unveiling by the head of Pattaya Council, Mr Yuslas Sakkashit.

 

Here we can see a copy of the renowned work “Hand Job”.

 

The classic “Do You Have Any Smaller Chopsticks?”

 

And the legendary “Testicles of Rama”.

 

The Mini Siam franchise is also spreading along Beach Road with the opening of “Mini Sahara”

 

….and “Mini England”.

 

Pattaya City Hall recently hosted a seminar for a group of school students to discuss male and female sexuality, and to inform them of the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases. They were particularly warned about the dangers of anal sex, which was described to them as “anal vice”. This unfortunately caused confusion among some of the students who had thought this to be a song from ‘The Sound Of Music’.

 

In keeping with their reputation as good employers, the bosses at Angelwitch have just sent us this picture of their newly opened staff car park.

 

Looks like it’s time to chuck your MP3 and MP4 players in the bin, as Monkeywatch has obtained an exclusive picture of the next generation player, which was spotted by an eagle eyed photographer near Soi 5 the other day.

 

In the best traditions of ethnic diversity, a bunch of plucky investors opened the new Pattaya al-Qaeda Hotel last week.

 

Here it can be seen awaiting guests for the opening party.

 

…and here it is again, the morning after the festivities.

 

The owners said the party was a “lively affair” but regret that they won’t be taking any further bookings for the next two years.

 

We can’t close without bidding a fond farewell to the legendary Mok after centuries of unbroken service at FLB Bar. Ah, that warm greeting of hers, when she’d turn you upside down and shake you by the ankles till enough money fell out of your pockets to buy her a drink. You’ll be missed, darlin’.

 

A final thought. Should the correct name for a sex offenders’ register be an encyclopaedophile?

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Braveheart 0]

Thanks monkeyman!

[db74 0]

Awesome as always.

[stgervais 0]

Well done Monkeyman... Thanks for pictures, commentary and laughs.

[kjvegas 2]

Monkeyman,

 

Outstanding report as always, very entertaining and great pics.

 

We can’t close without bidding a fond farewell to the legendary Mok after centuries of unbroken service at FLB Bar. Ah, that warm greeting of hers, when she’d turn you upside down and shake you by the ankles till enough money fell out of your pockets to buy her a drink. You’ll be missed, darlin’.

 

That is some funny shit.

 

thanks for sharing and looking forward to future TR's.

cheers

kj

[Superunknown 0]

Well done...........

[Jantrevor 31]

It brings back memories. Thank you.

[Long Tall Cowboy 1]

Never a dull read when i open one of your posts.

 

 

 

 

LTC

[Char 0]

Wit....intelligence......sarcasm...............What a great combination!!!! I love your posts and never fail to read them. Keep em' coming! (the posts I mean!)

Edited November 8, 2006 by Char

[farangkwaiyai 46]

Your a very funny and witty man!! I will be looking at getting some pictures for captions to. I think its the best style of trip report.

[jo_basic 1]

Well Monkeyman,

 

It seems one has escaped to the states.

 

[Cleiven 2]

 

Look like that hotel opening was on a grand scale. Just to bad I missed it. Next time I just hope the owners misses me...

 

And have fun on future trips, just as we have fun reading your reports

[jballstate 326]

Good job, that was a real hoot.

[monkeyman 1,604]

Thanks for the kind words fellers. The November edition's a bit further down the list if you haven't seen it already.