Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

Only the Good: Sad to report on the untimely death of Steve Blumenthal, one of the co-owners of the Tahitian Queen 2 ogling den (Soi BJ, off Walking Street), of a heart attack at just 41 years of age. Steve penned the ‘Out For A Beer’ column in one of Pattaya’s monthly tourist publications, sensibly giving TQ2 a mention in most of his pieces. I didn’t know him very well but he struck me as a nice person, and I’ve certainly never heard anyone talk of him in anything but the kindest terms. Steve, despite his relative youth, had been in Pattaya for longer than even he would probably care to admit. To his family and friends I offer my sincere condolences. RIP.

 

The Chilli has Gone from the Spice: Sadly, after seven years of operation the Spicy Girls ogling den (in gender-confused Pattayaland Soi 1) closed its doors on 2 December 2006. Before coming under English ownership in February 1999, it was owned by a Frenchman and had gone under the cognomen of Papillon for about five years. It’s my understanding the den struggled for some time to attract sufficient numbers of chrome pole huggers and as the soi has increasingly gone ‘gay’, and with the adjacent Pattayaland Soi 2 dens no longer attracting the customers they once did, Spicy Girls suffered from a dearth of walk-by trade.

 

It’s a pity, as Spicy Girls in its heyday, from opening until about 2004, was one of my favourite haunts, with good music and loads of friendly dancing damsels and, without doubt, was responsible for producing the best ogling den T-shirt in Fun Town, the famous ‘Letter from a Bar-Girl’. Despite the demise of Spicy Girls (and 1969 a few months ago, in Naklua) the number of ogling dens across Fun Town remains at an all-time high of 71.

 

Ringing the Changes: The above news item leads me into noting the fact that 2006 proved to be the busiest on record as far as openings and closings of ogling dens in Fun Town are concerned. I may well have missed a couple of events, but the following is a potted history of the last 12 months of the revolving doors as far as the chrome pole molesting industry is concerned.

 

There were 20 openings and 14 closings during the past year. These numbers are a little misleading in that Bentley’s (Second Road), for example, changed focus to concentrate on its pool table operations rather than dancers; Club Electric Blue Jnr (Soi Diamond) opened in February, closed in June, was renovated, and re-opened in October; and Betty Boup (Soi 6) segued from a simple Sierra Tango boozer into a pseudo ogling den, much like its neighbour Mandarin.

 

The Zoo ogling den Soi 8 closed in January, after the briefest of appearances, apparently due to a lack of exhibits. Dream, in the same soi, was more like a nightmare and lasted, from my understanding, about a month while the Circus (Walking Street) lost the fat and bearded ladies, closed down, and reopened as Angels. Teasers failed to tease enough damsels away from the bigger dens and the owners quickly worked out that it would be more profitable to open as a beer boozer with a load of pool tables. Highway Star (Walking Street) became The Roof late-night boogie barn but the original name was resurrected for a new den above the Siren beer boozer complex at the Beach Road entrance to Walking Street, following the demise of that long-established Marilyn poor-taste show boozer.

 

Soi 15, off Walking Street, boomed with the opening of Angelwitch, Baby Dolls, Club 69, and XXX during the course of the year, and the complete remodelling of What’s Up. Babewatch (Soi 16, Covent Garden Complex) drowned in July but the site was purchased and extensively and expensively refurbished and opened as Taboo Club in late October. Down the soi, Images fell in a screaming heap and has been turned into a beer boozer.

 

In Pattayaland Soi 2, Jupiter’s was turned into a pink palace with Wild West Boys moving up the soi and its previous location reverting to its original Rodeo Girls moniker and the distaff gender. Further afield, the Blue Lagoon opened in Center Condo on South Pattaya Road while Soi Buakhow and its adjunct Soi LK Metro joined the chrome pole brigade with the opening of Memories, Paradise, and Club Oasis. Down in Soi Yamato, Hot & Cold II had another go at filling the cash tills.

 

With the pace of change in Fun Town accelerating with each passing year, I can see this review taking up half a page by the time we reach the end of 2007.

 

Take Me Down to Fugly Town: It’s one of those ogling dens that’s been around for more years than most would care to remember. In recent times Champion was remodelled and now sports more fairy lights and mirrors than previously, although it still possesses the same indefinable smell of age, mould, spilt beer, and cigarette smoke. There are about 13 dancers on the two stages at any one time and the place is usually quite busy. Frankly, I find this surprising. Certainly the owner is a friendly man who’s had the joint forever, but I get the feeling there are three main reasons for the popularity of the joint.

 

First, and least important, the music is generally pretty good. Second, a lot of older men seem to feel more comfortable with the lower end of the chrome pole molesting pond-life, perhaps because these damsels realise they aren’t particularly attractive and put on a wonderful act of being ever-so-friendly (grateful perhaps) to customers. Third, there’s more beaver on show per square metre than your average marsupial farm. Personally, I’d almost be prepared to pay the damsels a lot of money to put their apparel back on, and never take it off again.

 

One noticeable point was there were only two girls sporting tattoos out of the 25 or more dancers. If you are a subscriber to the belief: ‘Go Ugly Early and Beat the Rush’, then Champion is the place to start.

 

An Evening in Soi Petting Zoo: Some of the damsels working in it call it Soi La Mok (disgusting), but Soi 6 remains the afternoon playground of choice, an adult petting zoo, for many locals and visitors alike who fancy a quick dine and dash in a Sierra Tango establishment. Pick any joint you like and you’re liable to have one, two or even three or more knob-fondlers trying to get you into a stage of such hormonal tumescence you’ll happily empty the contents of your wallet as you are taken in hand for a tour of the upstairs lying-in facilities and helped to unburden yourself of all that pent-up love juice.

 

Personal favourites include Red Point, which always seems to have its share of the more attractive gropers in the soi, as well as good music. Kiss Kool is similar, although it is a pseudo ogling den with two or three girls dancing on a centre stage. Nicely appointed lounge seating, plenty of knob-fondlers and reasonable prices make it a popular stop-in for many people.

 

Also in the soi is the Mandarin Club ogling den. French-owned it still possesses much of its Sierra Tango charm with plenty of damsels of all shapes, sizes, and ages. The middle-stump handshake is still the preferred mode of introduction and the bar fine for an upstairs inspection of the horizontal folk dancing rooms is just 300 baht.

 

Intriguing Cultural Rituals: Anyone who has spent enough time wandering about the ogling dens of Pattaya cannot fail to have come across an almost Freemason-like ritual performed by the various dancing damsels, usually early in the evening, as an exercise designed to attract customers. The ritual always involves one or more of the girls getting birthday-suited, and always has some amount of alcohol and/or water included. I was in the Heaven Above temple of the chrome pole (Soi Diamond) when the following customer-enticement ritual took place.

 

One dancer took down a thick wooden phallus from its pride of place next to the statue of Buddha on the spirit tray above the bar, waied the statue and then placed the object on a change tray. Four girls, all in various stages of undress, then lined up and the phallus was passed from front to rear between their legs before it was reverently returned to the spirit tray and a flower garland placed around its ‘neck’.

 

Piece of Pith: We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.