MONKEYWATCH - December 2007

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to Christmas at Fun City, when you won’t even get a room in a stable unless you booked three months in advance. Right, off we go.

 

The Tiffany Show Theatre on Second Road recently hosted the 4th Annual Miss International Queen Final, which is basically a bunch of poofs from 24 different countries dressing up as tarts and poncing up and down a stage for a few hours. Guess this must be the sort of good wholesome family entertainment they’re always telling us that Pattaya should be putting on.

 

While we’re on the subject, a katoey from Laos was arrested a couple of weeks ago for being in possession of 600 yabba tablets. When questioned, he reportedly said that he was planning to sell them to fund his operation so that next time he was carrying illegal goods he’d have more places to hide them.

 

In preparation for Pattaya’s annual Christmas Scrooge Week, last Wednesday saw the arrival in town of the favourite to win this year’s ‘Biggest Humbug’ competition.

 

 

An unusual story recently emerged from the Reung Yoong Tong Village in Sattahip, where residents have devised an ingenious way of stopping stray dogs pissing outside their houses. They put plastic bottles full of water around the perimeter and when a dog comes for a piddle, he eyes his own reflection, which he thinks to be a hostile animal, and off he goes. Hence the expression “Yoong Tong piddle eye go” (if you’re under 50, ask your dad to explain it to you). It’s been rumoured that a few Go Go owners are thinking of trying it out to see if it works on Chinese tourists.

 

It’s been revealed that City Hall has given 4 million baht to the Tourist Authority of Thailand to promote Pattaya after a survey revealed that the most young Thai tourists come to the city for the late night entertainment. The campaign, known as “Pattaya 3 Months Non-Stop Fun”, will run until the end of the year in order to promote the benefits of the city’s late night entertainment venues and other fun activities. Unfortunately, this intrepid venture was unveiled at just about the same time as the boys in brown were closing all the bars at 1pm and it was announced that fireworks would be banned for Loy Krathong. You really need to get your heads together on this one, boys.

 

Pattaya has a new sponsor for its beach umbrellas, presumably as a goodwill gesture for the large amount of business generated for them by Beach Road food vendors.

 

 

A new racing event to be staged this year was the Bang Saen Thailand Speed Festival, which took place between the 11th and 14th of November. We don’t have much information on the event, though we understand that it was won by a monk leaving a Go Go bar during a police raid.

 

On the nightlife scene, Climax Bar is living up to its name by changing into a Go Go, and there’s a new Gothic themed Go Go on Soi BJ enigmatically named ‘The E’. Both are now apparently German owned, so if they advertise a Christmas goose it’s more likely to be a dance routine than a buffet.

 

The other Saturday night, three Thai lads were arrested after a complaint from a Beach Road freelancer that she’d agreed a price with one of them but they ’d tried to force her into a three on one for the same fee. Police decided that they should be given a warning and that each should pay a small fine. One of the cheeky chappies allegedly suggested that they should pay one fine between the three of them, but was politely asked to withdraw his proposal as a truncheon inserted into the rectum often offends.

 

And now, we proudly present Pattaya Paradise, Fun City’s newest shopping complex.

 

 

Er, well actually, the authorities stopped them building it so they put up this nice picture of it instead. Seems like an ideal place to get your weekly shopping (well, a picture of it anyway).

 

This month’s strange tale comes from Sattahip and concerns a curiosity known as the Elephant Tree, so called because of an elephant-like shape at the bottom of the trunk. Locals live in fear of the tree, claiming to have seen elephant ghosts walking around it at night, and so make offerings of bananas to it during the day. A local official said they didn’t reckon that ghostly elephants were in the tree, but were pretty sure that the locals were out of theirs.

 

And finally, Pattaya medics received an emergency call the other night to treat a Thai man who became seriously ill after being bitten by a large centipede. Better than getting a kicking from it, eh matey?

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

 

(Thanks to Soi 7 for pic 3)

[nohlsson1 19]

Thanks again for another fantastic report.

[monkeyman 1,604]

Glad you liked it.