Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

Number 19 Dream: One of the more pleasant characters operating a den of the chrome pole in Fun Town, Chuck Hinkel from Club Boesche (Soi 16, off Walking Street) became a father for the first time -at least as far as he is prepared to admit anyway- when his girlfriend Khun Boom gave birth to a healthy baby boy on 19 October. He has been given the name Jamie. Given the nocturnal nature of the ogling den caper I doubt Chuck is too concerned about sleepless nights.

 

Yo Bitch, What’s Wrong With This Picture? The skewed mindset of some visitors to the fleshpots of Fun Town might well be exemplified in the following tale told to me by Chuck from the aforementioned Club Boesche. The den employs a Thai man who goes by the Anglicised name of Bobby. His job description basically involves taking care of the working damsels, for which he receives tips from the grateful young ladies. Just how much ‘care’ he takes I wouldn’t like to guess at, although being a red-blooded young Thai male I’m sure the odd extra-curricular hob-knobbing doesn’t go astray. As an in-house joke, the management of Club Boesche had a number of robes made up in black, on the back of which were inscribed the words ‘Bobby’s Bitches’. The term was explained to the dancing damsels, who naturally considered it quite a laugh.

 

Segue to a few weeks ago and into the den wander a small group of foreign tourists, a couple of males and females, who proceed to sit as close as possible to the Jacuzzi in which a couple of birthday-suited ladies are giving new meaning to the words ‘cavity exploration’. This activity doesn’t faze the tourists one bit, but then one of the females, who apparently hailed from New Zealand, espies the ‘Bobby’s Bitches’ robes and this sends her, and her other distaff friend, from Ireland, into a moral decline. The madams find the phrase emblazoned on the robes to be offensive to females, telling a couple of the bemused and uncomprehending damsels that the operators of this den of iniquity are degrading their status as women. They called over Chuck, the owner, and told him they considered the robes to be an outrage, oh, and by the way, could he just step a little to the left so they could get a little better view of the tongue-lashing going on in the Jacuzzi.

 

The moral police were back again the following night, and the night after that, and kept up their barrage of complaints about the wording on the robes, stating they would go to ‘the authorities’ or ‘make trouble’ if the phrase wasn’t removed or changed. Personally, I would have asked them if they were acquainted with ‘sex’ and ‘travel’ and told them to ‘f**k off’, but Chuck is a polite character and unfortunately succumbed to their badgering. The wording on the robes now reads a more sedate and politically correct: ‘Bobby’s Ladies’.

 

One wonders how these people ever made it to Pattaya in the first place, and why they went into any den of the chrome pole at all. Why did they make a point of coming into Club Boesche three times if they were so offended? I wonder if they maintain the same sense of outrage and send accusatory letters to programs such as MTV which feature rap-style songs with words like ‘bitch’ and ‘ho’ (whore). Do they write to film studios condemning the use of these same words in many movies? I would bet any money they don’t.

 

Still The Same: The Lam Morrison Rock Club late-night rock and roll palace (Soi Marina Plaza, behind Walking Street) has the attraction of featuring Thailand’s acknowledged king of hard rock, but I wonder if that will be enough to keep it going as a viable concern.

 

I first heard of Lam Morrison back in 1993 on my first visit to Thailand when a guitarist friend of mine said he had jammed with him in Bangkok a few years earlier. A couple of years later I met him with my friend in a small thatched- roof boozer he was running in Soi Buakhow, long before that narrow goat track looked anything like it does today.

 

The first time I actually saw him in action was at the Blues Factory (Soi Lucky Star). He was a star turn at this popular venue for some time but has now once more ventured out on his own.

 

The new place, located next door to the Insomnia head-bangers late-night auditorium, doesn’t open for business until 10:00PM and the band kicks into life about half an hour later. Morrison makes his appearance, like the true nocturnal creature he is, at midnight. I wandered in on a Thursday night and the place was busy without being full. There were a few coyote dancers wriggling about in a variety of shades of black, and around the walls I noticed signs offering a Morrison guitar for sale for 8,000 baht and paintings by him for 20,000 baht.

 

The music, of course, was brilliant with the highlight for me being his rendition of the Led Zeppelin classic ‘Rock N Roll’. It’s been a long time since I heard that song. There’s no doubt the veteran of a million riffs is well worth going along to see and I wish him well in the new venue.

 

Got a Whole Lotta Love: Mentioning Led Zeppelin reminds me that the ever-popular Windmill ogling den (Soi Diamond) played that bands’ first hit single ‘Whole Lotta Love’ while the usual activities for which the play palace is well known took place on stage, in this case it looked like the graduating class from the Lickem-on-Toppe and Bottom School of Speaking in Tongues. I’d like to recommend ‘Over, Under, Sideways, Down’ by the Yardbirds as another suitable tune for these gynaecological activities. This den, and its larger cousin around the corner in Soi 15, Baby Dolls, easily win the friendliest dancers in Fun Town stakes. While there may only be a few chrome pole shufflers who could be classified as star turns in terms of physical attractiveness, what I and many others like is the friendly banter evident in the dens. Very few customers I’m sure leave either place without having had some kind of inter-action with at least one or more of the den dwellers.

 

Back to ‘Normal’: Fun Town is clearly busy once again after one of the slowest and quietest low seasons on record. The annual Russian invasion is on and Walking Street is literally becoming Shuffle Street at certain times when the crowds are perambulating. Street-watching seats in the beer boozers are always full, but many of the ogling dens are complaining that the greater numbers are not leading to packed houses inside their air-conditioned places. Nonetheless, takings in most of the dens are definitely on the up and I doubt we’ll see any of the joints closing their doors for at least the next five or six months, if at all.

 

Then there’s the nightly freak show on the pavements. For a long time there’s been a Thai man whose ability to do acrobatics with a soccer ball always attracts an interested crowd, and he probably makes more money in tips than half the beer boozers of the city make in profits. The other night I stood and watched a brief but somewhat painful show with a man who had a young girl lying on the ground in a woven wrap attached to his long hair while another woman stood on his shoulders. The man then stood to his full height while balancing the girl on his shoulders and bringing the young girl up off the ground. Didn’t make a blind bit of sense or logic to me unless he is training for some mystical Eastern martial art and figured a bit of high season busking might score him a few extra baht from bemused passers-by.

 

It seems as if the annual plod morality play, which takes place during the low season months and always results in a few places being closed for contravening the letter of the law, has ended for the time being. Every ogling den is back to ‘normal’ in terms of many dancers caressing the chrome pole while wearing not much more than a smile and a pair of boots, while the shows involving soap and water are resulting in much cleaner crevices rather than flimsy apparel.

 

Here and There: Happy 60th birthday to ‘Nervous’ Dave of the Nervous Wreck beer boozer (Soi Yamato). One of the more pleasant bar characters in Fun Town, Nervous celebrated his approaching dotage with a party in his boozer on Saturday night 10 November.

 

The Outback beer boozer located in the Shagwell Mansion sleeping palace and noshery in Soi Arunothai has young women of easy virtue available for take-away services for tumescent males, and as an incentive for people to make the off-the-beaten trek to the place they have a no bar-fine policy.

 

The Carousel ogling den (Soi Diamond) celebrated 16 years in business back in mid-October and offers some of its libations at just 65 baht all night.

 

It will come as no surprise to anyone that the Hot & Cold II ogling den in Soi Yamato has once more closed its benighted doors. The word ‘dismal’ would be too flattering to have described the joint when it was open.

 

Too late to do a report on for this issue, but the Insomnia Gentleman’s Club opened its doors on Soi Diamond at the beginning of November on the site of the failed Super Model ogling den. Not to be confused with the Insomnia late-night revelling joint down in Soi Marina Plaza.

 

Piece of Pith: Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.