MONKEYWATCH - March 2008

[monkeyman]

Greeting Monkeywatchers, and welcome to more tales of derring-do, or derring-don’t if the police are watching.

 

The other Saturday, an American tourist was approached by two men claiming to be Police Volunteers and asked to hand over his cash and jewellery. When he politely declined this tempting offer, they gave him a right good kicking and made off with the 6000 baht in his shorts. Apparently, he reckoned they weren’t real Police Volunteers. Buggered if we know how he came to that conclusion.

 

Speaking of thieving, a couple of Chinese blokes were arrested a few evenings ago for pick-pocketing from tourists at the Alcazar and Tiffany theatres. This followed a complaint to a security guard by two men claiming that there were items missing from their trousers. There was a delay in informing the police as the guard initially misunderstood and thought that the men were after jobs as performers.

 

Other criminal activity included the American arrested on Pattaya Klang for selling sex-enhancement drugs. He denied the charge, claiming that he only sold the drugs to elderly men to stop them pissing on their shoes (they should have charged him with plagiarism as well).

 

Here we can see two contestants limbering up for the fourth annual Pattaya Puking Contest…

 

 

They will, as always, be competing for the prestigious Vomitfest Trophy, currently on display on Beach Road…

 

 

A couple of new Go Gos to report. Rocket A Go Go has opened in Soi Diamond and Honey Girls A Go Go in Soi Honey. The latter had some very comely wenches on its opening night, but it transpired they had all the lookers on a rather short contract. One night, to be precise.

 

In a bold move to relaunch itself with an exciting new image, Blue Lagoon 2 has moved its door from the right to the left hand side of the bar. It’s certainly increased their custom, as there’s still six piss artists in there bouncing off the right hand wall trying to get out.

 

The authorities did a quick tour of inspection around the Walking Street bars the other Wednesday to check that there were no employees under 18 working there. The only one they found was a monkey holding a tin cup, who was subsequently charged with being underage and demanding money with menaces.

 

If you ever get lost in Pattaya, it’s comforting to know that there’s always a handy sign to let you know exactly which area you’re currently in…

 

 

Some interestingly titled news stories have surfaced in Pattaya recently, including “The Price Of Pork Skyrockets” (do you really need to know how much a rocket made of pork costs?) and “Ladyboy Thief Released Without Charge” (somebody’s been stealing ladyboys?)

 

For those of you thinking of taking your Thai girl to live in the UK, they’re getting a bit fussy about whom they let in these days. To apply for British citizenship, they have to learn to speak good English before applying for the “next stage”, whatever that is. Being able to recite the Koran, probably.

 

A quick update for you UK readers on the earthquake you had a few days ago. Turns out it was just John Prescott falling down the stairs.

 

For those of you new to Pattaya, this is the infamous area known as ‘Buoystown’…

 

 

And now, a public service announcement. Roadworks will begin shortly along the whole of Soi 17 in South Pattaya in order to replace some old drainage pipes. As this is likely to cause major traffic problems, the works are to be given the highest priority and should be completed within the next 150 years.

 

Finally, the owner of British football club Manchester City arrived in Thailand on Thursday, whereupon he was immediately arrested and thrown into jail. They must have mistaken him for the England manager.

 

A parting thought. Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

Edited February 29, 2008 by monkeyman

[wobbly_1]

Your recent threads haven't had many replies but I would like to reassure you that your reports are quality and I'm sure are enjoyed by all.

 

Keep up the good work.

[kev0184]

excellent as always, well done sir

[heraclitus]

Always raises a smile, thanks.

[tingtongtony]

SO SO GOOD KEEP IT UP

[Kingsknight]

Sorry, I had to read it 3 times to figure out that picture of "bouytown" 555

[nohlsson1]

This had to be your best one yet! Many thanks for bringing a smile to my face.

 

 

Sorry, I had to read it 3 times to figure out that picture of "bouytown" 555

 

 

I got it right away....I don't know if that is a good thing or not?

[Agent09]

Good stuff.... I often wonder as one does about other writers and artists about how you arrive at your content, and whether you wander around Pattaya photographing stuff that later proves useful for a particular gag, or do you work out the line and then go source an image..

 

ah such is the fascinating behind the scenes stuff that writers think about...ha ha

 

great comedy observations as ever, you see something literally on every corner and then twist it round to a comic viewpoint - that's skill indeed!

[monkeyman]

Good stuff.... I often wonder as one does about other writers and artists about how you arrive at your content, and whether you wander around Pattaya photographing stuff that later proves useful for a particular gag, or do you work out the line and then go source an image..

Usually random photos that look like they may have a potential gag in them. The blurb comes later.