MONKEYWATCH - May 2008

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to our Second Anniversary Edition in another alcohol-free month from Pattaya Lite.

 

The other night, a naked Korean bloke was caught wandering around the streets of Pattaya. He was reported to have a bottle of sun tan lotion and a chrome whistle tied to his dick. On being arrested, he allegedly told police that he’d been to a fancy dress party as Dongtan Police Station.

 

The closing stages of the battle to be the new Mayor of Pattaya took a strange turn when one of the candidates set up a platform in Walking Street at 3am and started spouting off his policies at bar workers as they came out of their respective establishments. He reckoned that this was a good time to address these workers as they normally sleep during the day. Just like the construction workers on Soi 1.

 

There was a meeting of police officers at City Hall a couple of weeks ago to discuss the continuing problem with crime in Pattaya. Those attending were told to ensure that crimes involving foreign tourists were resolved quickly as it was the job of the police to create a good image for the city. They were then told to ensure that all bars stayed closed for the following two weekends. Bit of a dilemma, eh chaps?

 

Monkeywatch has finally obtained proof that Paul McCartney and Heather Mills did indeed visit Pattaya for their honeymoon…

 

 

Police raided an unlicensed pharmacy in North Pattaya last week and confiscated over 700 packs of Cialis and Viagra. On being arrested, the shop owner pleaded for leniency, claiming that things had been getting very hard for him recently. The evidence held by the police would certainly seem to support his story.

 

The annual crocodile egg eating competition took place on May 1 at Pattaya Crocodile Farm, in which prizes are awarded to the contestants who can eat 10 crocodile eggs in the quickest time. The prizes of 10,000 and 5,000 baht were both won by Thai tourists, though their victory was short lived as one of the crocodiles managed to escape and proceeded to devour both winning contestants. The organisers apologised for this small mishap and awarded first prize to the crocodile as it was judged to have eaten the 20 eggs contained within the hapless participants.

 

If you dream of large green erections, these guys on Beach Road might be just what you’re looking for…

 

 

On the bar scene, another Go Go has bitten the dust, namely Gorkle Club on Soi LK Metro. No doubt it’ll be sadly missed by those who used to frequent the place (whoever they were). It’s been rumoured that the owners sold the place to pay for a barfine at Sisterz, so they must have got a bloody good price.

 

The ladies at V20 are now barfineable, though we’d recommend avoiding the girls in the small bar if you don’t want to have your assets frozen.

 

X Zone in the Covent Garden Complex has been sold, though the former owners are planning to open a new Go Go on Walking Street, so you’ll no doubt be able to go there and look up old friends, so to speak.

 

To find out what a Pattaya lady’s idea of a “hansum man” really is, Monkeywatch invited local girls to submit a photo of their ideal partner. Here’s the winner…

 

 

For the budding thespians among you, a new theatrical club has just been formed in Pattaya. The group, known as the Pattaya Players, are intending to organise regular shows at the Bangkok Pattaya Hospital. They already have three plays scheduled for May, these being “The Monkey’s Paw”, “The Last Leaf” and “Final Dress Rehearsal”. Unfortunately, their planned re-enactment of The Battle Of Pearl Harbour has had to be postponed because of water shortages.

 

In order to help local Thai youngsters avoid ending up in nasty jobs, a camp has been organised for pre-college level students to introduce them to the world of hotel management. This follows the success of a similar event last year, marred only by an incident when it was discovered that one of the youth leaders had been inviting some of the younger boys back to his room to look at his new video camera. Then the organisers found out that he didn’t actually own a video camera and he was sent to prison. A bit harsh that, sending a bloke to prison just because he doesn’t own a camera.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[dontcha 53]

super post, you lighten up my day

[kimchikid 0]

yet another good one

 

thanks

Edited May 6, 2008 by kimchikid

[Scottie 5]

Hi

enjoy the great read each month

Scottie

[kev0184 12]

gets better by the month, loved the ATM pic.

[sparkydave 7]

gets better by the month, loved the ATM pic.

 

 

Kev i think thats a photo of me mate

[Thegolfer 1]

Hi,

 

Thanks for the above it makes six months away from LOS go more quickly

 

Like the photo, I prefer the ones in yellow and my terak agrees

 

Thegolfer

[nohlsson1 19]

You have outdone yourself once again. I enjoyed every part.