A few funnies

[poweroper 0]

Wife say's to husband, 'Doctor says I have the tits and arse of an 18-year-old'

Husband says 'What about your 40-year-old cunt?'

Wife says ' We did not mention you'

 

 

 

My ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you come back as something else.

She said she wanted to come back as a pig.

I said, 'You're not fucking listening'

 

 

 

Was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan, told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

 

 

 

I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later. I love the part where she takes her ring off and walks down the aisle backwards, gets in the car and fucks off.

 

Today an Abbo was found nailed to a tree, stabbed six times and shot twice.

Australian police said it's the worst case of suicide they had ever seen.

 

 

 

A car bomb was found outside Glasgow mosque today. Police have urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside the mosque.

 

 

Woman in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, 'get this out of me, give me drugs'.

She turns to the boyfriend and says 'You did this to me you fucker'. He replied casually,

'If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said, 'Fuck off it'll be too painful',

Now who's laughing'

[dogblower 3]

Brilliant! Love the last one specially.

[Bushcraft 2,569]

A lady golfer was stung by a wasp just as she was starting her round, so she went back to the clubhouse to get it treated.

Inside she happened on the pro and told him why she'd come back early. He asked her where she's got stung.

"Between the first and second holes."

"Well, I'd say your stance was too wide then."