Monkeywatch - October 2009

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this month's hot off the press stories that you'll be able to read about in Pattaya People in six months' time.

 

 

 

There was a minor disturbance in one of the fast food joints last week when an Arab starting mouthing off about his food not being hot enough. Fortunately, the establishment's customer service manager was on hand to smoothe over the situation by hitting him in the face with a chair. I must say it's most gratifying to see that so many businesses in Pattaya are taking the trouble to equip their staff with the necessary interpersonal skills for dealing with customer complaints.

 

 

 

Did you know there's a place in Naklua called German Skatclub? The word is that it's a load of crap, but in this particular case that might well be a recommendation.

 

 

 

Whenever you need any cheap booze or provisions when you're in Pattaya, all you need to do is take a trip to your local 9/11...

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Iranian couple were arrested a couple of weeks ago after being caught shagging on Pattaya Beach just yards from the police station. The man told police that he thought such behaviour was acceptable in Pattaya, which was also the reason why he'd pissed in the arresting officer's hat.

 

 

 

Some Thai girls were walking up Soi 3 the other day when a group of swarthy looking dudes came walking down past them. One of them said something to the girls, to which he got the reply "Stinking Arab pig!" The man, obviously very offended by this remark, shouted back "Not stinking Arab pig, stinking INDIAN pig!" Nice of him to take the time to correct her.

 

 

 

The biggest news on the bar scene is the imminent opening on Walking Street of what is being touted as the biggest go go bar in Thailand. The Pleasure Dome is being constructed on the site of the old Hammer Disco and is due to open in November. They're currently recruiting hundreds of girls to work there so keep your eye on developments. On a sadder note, the infamous Devil's Den was closed down after someone had the audacity to suggest that improper activities were taking place on the premises. Can't imagine how they got such an idea. So what'll it be next then? Satan's Suite? Beelzebub's Bar?

 

 

 

Another sad event was the closure of Molly Malone's on Walking Street, which is to be turned into, yes, you guessed it, another bloody Go Go. Here we see the old place being taken away on the back of a lorry. Deep grief…

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can always get a giggle in Pattaya watching the latest batch of young newbie knobheads trying to impress the girls with their 'dancing'. Last time I saw a bloke move like that he'd got a ferret down his trousers. And they wonder why the girls piss themselves laughing.

 

 

 

Thai girls often tell farang guys that it's disrespectful to hide your banknotes in your shoe as they carry a picture of the monarch so you end up with your foot on his face. So come on guys, show some respect and keep them in the arse pocket of your trousers.

 

 

 

People always seem to be going on about Ban Chang these days. Seems a bit pointless. I mean, if they don't like it they don't have to drink it.

 

 

 

Here we see staff in a Pattaya shopping mall gearing themselves up for the latest batch of 'quality tourists' that the city seems to be so keen to attract…

 

 

 

 

 

 

As time goes by, it becomes more and more obvious that the Land Of Smiles rule book has an exclusion clause for baht bus drivers. Christ, from the look on their faces when you hand your fare over you'd think it was them having to pay you. Perhaps STDs should also stand for Sourfaced Taxi Drivers.

 

 

 

Finally, the organisers of the Pattaya Sports Club Table Tennis Tournament would like to thank the touts on Walking Street for making their event a sell out, though it seems that some of the people who turned up were expecting a different kind of ping pong show.

 

 

 

be seeing you

 

monkeyman

[Thegolfer 1]

As usual .......great

 

Those of us who are just waiting to get back there (18 days 4 hours 21 minutes, but who's counting) only keep sane (as far as we can) by monthly injections of Monkeywatch.

 

Thanks