Monkeywatch - March 2010

[monkeyman 1,537]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap, and welcome to the month in which Julius Caesar ignored the warnings and got taken from behind - and he wasn't even in Sunee Plaza. Let the games begin.

 

 

Thailand's tourism council has said that, because of political instability and the possibility of violent protests, foreigners should avoid visiting Bangkok from February 26 onwards. So that means nobody can ever go there again, right?

 

 

As you're no doubt already aware, Tahitian Queen 1 on Beach Road was raided a couple of weekends ago. The police officers involved, who were from the Human Trafficking Division, claimed the operation to be a great success as they had succeeded in arresting three Polish plumbers and a Bulgarian bricklayer.

 

 

A couple of their colleagues later arrested a housemaid at View Talay Villas in Jomtien after reports that a woman's pussy had been penetrated in the street, though she was later released after it transpired that her cat had become impaled on a steel fence.

 

 

When holidaymakers depart from Pattaya, they are respectfully reminded to leave their rooms as they would wish to find them…

 

 

 

 

On February 2, a police box mysteriously appeared on Beach Road. Police have no idea where it came from and investigations are continuing.

 

 

Remember Naklua opening its own version of Walking Street that was going to give Pattaya a whole new image? Well, it's closed down already. Just more proof if it were needed that social engineering in Pattaya is about as feasible as knitting fog.

 

 

A Thai bloke was shot dead the other Saturday at a bar in Pattanagan Road, East Pattaya where he worked as a DJ. It is believed he had been playing Barry Manilow records for several hours on the night in question and this may have provoked the gunman, who now faces a charge of justifiable homicide.

 

 

To keep Pattaya at the cutting edge of cinematographic technology, the local authority is proud to announce the opening of the city's first 3D movie theatre…

 

 

 

 

Bars news now, and Walking Street welcomes yet another new Go Go with the impending opening next week of Powers Club upstairs from Champion. Other news includes the reopening of Rodeo Girls (yawn) and Fun Room closing yet again. That place opens and closes so often it's like having a neon sign outside.

 

 

On February 4, a new police box funded by the local community of Nong Maidang was opened on Sukhumvit Road. Unfortunately, the key was entrusted to a chap known only as 'The Doctor' and neither him nor the box have been seen since.

 

 

A worker was rushed to hospital the other week after suffering severe burns in the Nong Pla Lai district while erecting a neon sign outside a convenience store. Locals are referring to the incident as "the tragic events of 7/11".

 

 

There's a new police chief in town and reports say that prostitution is high on his agenda. Sounds like we have a lot in common. And he's not the only new kid on the block with the opening of the first Interplod office in Pattaya. Shares in companies manufacturing brown trousers have reportedly hit an all-time high.

 

 

Affluent Asian tourists never miss an opportunity for vulgar displays of wealth, particularly when showing off their newly purchased supercars…

 

 

 

 

Yet another Asian tourist was robbed of his worldly goods on Beach Road the other night, this time by three blokes pretending to be police officers. You know, Pattaya has definitely become a much safer place for Westerners since the influx of dopey Asian tourists gave the muggers and ladyboys some much easier targets to go for. I think we all owe them a debt of gratitude. Silly buggers.

 

 

Seventy people convicted of drunk driving offences have each been sentenced to six hours community service - presumably as baht bus drivers until they sober up.

 

 

Police arrested a Pattaya market fish vendor on Saturday after she was caught selling class 1 drugs. Perhaps she should try opening a drug store and selling class 1 fish.

 

 

Finally, the much-publicised February 15 concert by Droop Noise and the Crackdowns was cancelled after they failed to show up. No refunds were given to those who were daft enough to buy tickets.

 

 

be seeing you

 

monkeyman

[kev0184 12]

very good, thx

[Gawd Elpus 798]

Great stuff Monkeyman and very entertaining. Thanks

[zyphur 31]

Most amusing...keep it up.