Monkeywatch - May 2010

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to a new fiscal year full of fun as Monkeywatch celebrates its fourth birthday, an occasion which surely warrants an extra special edition. But that'd be hard work, so sod that.

 

We start off this month with a bit of sad news, namely the demise of one of the best-known local Elvis impersonators who was found dead at his home in South Pattaya the other Wednesday. Now that's taking the impersonation just a little bit too far.

 

Well, after the red shirts and the yellow shirts, Pattaya now seems to have acquired itself a new group called the no colour shirts. Serves them right for using cheap washing powder. We've also got the pink shirts, who go on demonstrations to criticise the dress sense of the other factions, and the no shirts who can be identified by their abundance of tacky tattoos and their characteristic way of walking with their knuckles scraping on the ground.

 

Fully furnished pool? Now that's just showing off…

 

 

The so-called Pattaya Child and Woman Protection Unit were involved in the arrest of some chappies a couple of weeks ago after a group of women allegedly said the fellows had forced them into prostitution or something. If true, this is something of a departure for the Unit, as their idea of protecting women normally involves sticking them in jail.

 

The hunt is on for a senior Pattaya Police Officer after it was alleged that he was behind a failed attempt to demolish the Temple of the Emerald Buddha in Bangkok with a rocket-propelled grenade launcher. The officer who actually carried out the unsuccessful attack, one Police Lance Corporal Bandit (no, really), claimed that his senior colleague had given him 500,000 baht and the weapon with which to accomplish the dastardly deed. He added that he saw nothing wrong with this as a British soldier had once told him that it was normal procedure for senior officers to give junior colleagues the occasional rocket.

 

And if that wasn't enough, police in Jomtien arrested a Thai soldier on Monday morning after he was seen staggering up the beach pissed as a rat and shooting a handgun at anything that moved. Jesus H Christ, what can we expect next? A good kicking from the Tourist Police Volunteers?

 

The local Navy base has announced that it is to deploy the world's first gay mines…

 

 

Last Friday, a seminar was held at Pattaya City Hall to discuss improvements to late night entertainment venues. No problem fellers, just introduce free beer for the blokes and compulsory nudity for the girls and you're home and dry.

 

Bar stories next, and the old Honey/Sisterz site has once again risen like a phoenix from the ashes in another guise, this time as the Cavern A Go Go, and should be opening this week. Let's just hope the name isn't indicative of what the girls are packing down below. Let's also hope that it doesn't turn out like its namesake in Liverpool – full of pissed up lard-arsed slappers in shell suits. On the other side of the coin, Tramps has closed down, as has Sakura Club 69, though most months it's more of a surprise if it doesn't. We've also lost another group of beer bars, this time on the corner of Soi 9 and 2nd Road, presumably to make way for another guest-free hotel of which Pattaya now seems to have a depressing abundance.

 

It's always nice to send a letter home from Pattaya…

 

 

Ten homes in Rawiporn Village had their water meters nicked the other week by two blokes posing as security guards. This has reportedly exacerbated water problems in the village, though it should earn the meter readers a bit of overtime.

 

Now here's a strange story. The Tuesday before last, a Thai bloke wandered into the Pratamnuk Police Station and reported that he'd been intimidated and attacked at the Pattaya Viewpoint by two men who then robbed him, stripped him naked and tied him to a tree. Another case of 'Tie a yellow Thai man to the old oak tree'.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[jasonbalmer 2]

...

The local Navy base has announced that it is to deploy the world's first gay mines…

 

 

<grin :rotflmao :rotflmao :rotflmao :rotflmao

[Ergodyne 19]