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Glitterman Speaks About [O] Glittermans Halloween Special [Featuring the White Faced lady and Tattooed Faced Man]


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Thankyou for choosing this Glitterman product. Collect all forthcoming 25,000 articles in the 'Glitterman Speaks About' range. Print them out to keep, or exchange them with your friends, fiends or foe.

 

The Almighty and Powerful Wizard is back yet again and gives you;

 

PARABLE 8457598754239657435691745054375677574357276945624395690752345234579876924378563475627845745656437898

85357 Parable of the 'Cheese from the Moon'...again.

 

 

.............And so, slowly cycling along Pattaya Beach Road one day, the Great Golden Glitterman did happen to start thinking,

 

"Just as my beautiful bicycle is two tired, I too am too tired, too tired of being a superhero. I think it is time to hang up my hat, call it a day and let someone else do it instead."

 

Suddenly a policeman did happen to come running towards the Golden One,

 

"Save us O Gleat Golden Glitterman." Cried the policeman, "We have put banners all over Pattaya offeling lewards for the capture of dlug dealers, but so fa nothing. You our only hope."

 

'NO, save yourselves." Snapped the Golden One, "I am retard now."

 

...........And so the Golden One put an advert on the notice board of the 'Freindship supermarket' store; 'SUPERHERO WANTED, MUST HAVE GOOD SENSE OF BALANCE, MEET ME ON THE SANDS.'

 

A white faced Thai lady with red eyes, wearing long denim trousers stood at the bottom of Soi 8 on Beach Road, directing traffic, pointing to cars then to her shoes repeatedly. After this, she marched like a German soldier on to the beach sand to meet the Golden One. Also a small Thai man, with words tattooed all over his gaunt face also appeared from Soi 8 to meet the Golden One.

 

"Great, you will be Pattaya's new superheros." Said an excited Golden One, "Over there is my beautiful bicycle, and here are a few crates of cheese from the Moon and nuts from Mars which you may need. Today is Halloween, there are plenty of evil spirits lurking everywhere, not just in glasses. You must rid this city of these terrible demons."

 

"Uuuuuuuurrrrrrrggggghhhh!" Replied the white faced lady and tattooed faced man, and they both jumped onto the Golden Ones beautiful bicycle and wobbled away, amidst the sound of cars tooting their horns.

 

"I shall go and sit inside Royal garden Plaza for a bit." said the Golden One with a sigh of relief, "While my new superheros get on with their superheroing. I shall sit near this living statue and have a snooze..........zzzzzzzzzzz"

 

................Outside the white faced lady crept up behind a policeman and carefully removed his gun from his holster. Then she approached a nearby bear bar.

Outside the beer bar stood demons clad in long black cloaks with hideous skull like faces, waving their hands about and taunting the public as they passed the beer bar.

the white faced lady walked like a German soldier towards that beer bar, shouting and repeatedly pointing at the demons then to her shoes. she then raised the policeman's gun, and aimed it at the demons.

 

'BANG!......BANG!......BANG!'

 

Three demons fell to the floor, any ferang who tried to help was warned off by the tattooed faced man, who waved a large mango knife at them. Instantly the tattooed faced man approached the slain demons, and with the mango knife he cut off the heads of the three demons.

 

'CHOP!......CHOP!.....CHOP!'

 

The tattooed faced man then grabbed hold of their hair and held the three severed heads up high. The skull masques slipped off the severed heads, revealing three human faces. The white faced lady and tattooed faced man quickly jumped onto the Golden Ones beautiful bicycle and quickly wobbled away.

 

...........Inside Royal Garden Plaza the Golden One woke up to find his hat upside down on the floor in front of him, full of money.

 

"I am not a living statue." Shouted the Golden One angrily, and threw the money up high into the air. "I will go and see how my new superheroes are coping with their first day of superheroing."

 

Walking along Beach Road towards soi 8, a policeman did happen to come running towards the Golden One shouting,

 

"Save us O Great Golden Glitterman, for now we have a mass murderer on our hands. I know you are retard, but we need you."

 

The Golden One looked at the three heads on the floor, which had by now attracted a red parrot that had started scrapping of the flesh with its beak and eating it. Then the Golden One smugly said,

 

"Fear not Mr Policeman, for as you know I am the Great Golden Glitterman, righter of wrongs and wronger of rights, and I am considering your plea." Then the Golden One looked closer at the three heads and said, "Well there are your drug dealers that you have been advertising rewards for their capture."

 

"Oh yes!" said the happy policeman and held up a face mirror in front of the Golden Ones face for the Golden One to see into and kiss repeatedly. Then the policeman dropped to his knees, and grabbing hold of the Golden Ones feet did worship the Golden One saying,

 

"It is not the same without you, pleeeeeeeesseeeee."

 

"Okay, Okay." said the Golden One, "I shall bring you the mass murderer. What did he look like? Never mind I have no time for details, time is of great importance before he strikes again."

 

........On the way, the Golden One soon met up with the white faced lady and tattooed faced man, who had just collided with a hot sausage street vendor and said,

 

"Give me back my beautiful bicycle, as I have just decided to come out of retardment as there is an emergency. So you two can hop it, go on sling your hook, be off with you. There is a mass murderer on the rampage and this city is only big enough for one superhero, and you can give me back my crates of cheese from the Moon and nuts from Mars too."

 

'BANG!........CHOP!'

 

The Golden One was shot and his head severed, and then hidden inside an orange beer bar balloon for the Halloween party decoration.

 

...................Midnight, and the usual ritual popping of all the balloons by the bar girls begins. An unsuspecting bar girl is just about to have the fright of her life,

 

'POP!'..............................."Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!"

 

AMEN.

 

 

MORAL OF THE PARABLE IS; Keep your cool, do not lose your head. You do not know what you have got, until it is gone.

 

 

Coming sooner or later; 'Glitterman makes a dummy of himself, but falls in love.'

 

The Royal Glitterman hath spoken.

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Edited by glitterman
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I bought one of those electrified tennis racket things. Great for swatting misquotes.

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