Nightmarch 22 December 2003

[PattayaPete 530]

Out of the Rumour Mill: I’ve been told of a rumour that ogling dens which open before 6:00PM are due to be forced to close their doors as they do not have a licence to operate in daylight hours. Supposedly this new rule came into effect on Monday 15 December, but as I wandered aimlessly about Fun Town the following afternoon, all the usual suspects were in full swing.

Another rumour, told to me by an ogling den manager, concerns the Thai government’s intention of compelling all ex-pat’s to return to their country of origin to renew their visa. Supposedly this new twist of the ex-pat tail is due to be announced sometime in 2004.

 

Bonanza for Lucky Punters: The New Palladium late night boogie barn (Second Road, past Big C in North Pattaya) will be conducting a special promotion all through January. If you go to the disco with your wife/girlfriend/female then you’ll receive a numbered ticket with each drink you purchase. The tickets go into a lucky draw and every night a few numbers are pulled out and the holders of the winning numbers can win stereos, TV’s, fridges and even a motor bike.

All libations in Palladium are 120 baht, with the spacious barn opening at 9:00PM and rocking on until 2:00AM. Shows commence at 10:00PM. Well worth a look as long as you can handle loud music.

 

No Oranges and Lemons: I don’t know what it is with the French, but when they open a joint, be it an ogling den, beer boozer or dine and dash establishment, most of them tend to do it with some class and style. This is certainly the case with the Mandarin hide-the-salami happy house (Soi 6) that opened its doors last November.

 

Red is the predominant colour, both inside and outside, while the small glass-ceiling dance floor is reminiscent of the Baccara ogling den in Soi Cowboy in Bangkok. The dance floor seems to have a magnetic attraction for some of the what-your-name maidens; and I’d hate to think of how many punters sitting downstairs see their blood pressure go through the roof. Not a sight for those weak of heart.

 

Carlsberg draught is 50 baht, lolly water 60 baht, liver wasters 90 baht and lady drinks 80 baht. If you fancy a short lie down, sleeping facilities are available for 300 baht.

 

Bless ‘em all, the long and the short and the tall: The Bamboo arthritis-is-us late night shuffle auditorium in South Pattaya Road is one of those places that’s resisted the urge to go all fluoro and techno, preferring instead to attract the sort of crowd for whom the 72 rpm vinyl record was the apotheosis of modern industrial invention.

 

For anyone familiar with Aussie R.S.L.’s or British Workingmen’s Clubs, the Bamboo provides the sort of entertainment favoured by those who still believe Saturday Night Fever and the revolving silver ball over the dance floor are the height of cool, although it is lacking in poker machines and bingo tables.

I actually love this establishment; a perfect place to bring someone of pensionable age (although those pushing a Zimmer frame might find it hard to get to a seat) for a good night out with familiar music and a friendly, informal atmosphere. Most libations run to between 65 and 75 baht and the place is usually packed from about 10:00PM onwards, especially at the weekend.

 

If the local plod ever raided this joint and asked revellers to provide a urine sample for an illegal substance test they’d find half the male customers are in need of prostate surgery (drip, drip, drip) and the only pills the females are taking are menopausal stimulants.

 

Withering on the Vine: Pattayaland Soi 2 continues to look as though the undertakers will soon be called in to cart away a few of the rotting bodies while a modern-day Hieronymous Bosch paints the grisly scene. Although the street is lit up like a giant Exxon sign, it’s practically pedestrian free.

Of course, places like Blue Parrot, Cheers, Palmers, Shamrock and Viking Beachcomber have been operating in the soi since Taksin was a boy and will no doubt continue to do well.

 

The Classroom ogling den, which celebrated 10 years of operation recently, has its regulars and is probably doing the best of the play palaces but just across the road, in Planet Rock, they must be feeling the pinch. I wandered in late on a weekend night just recently and counted no more than five customers. They offer draught amber fluid at 69 baht in a happy hour that lasts until 11:00PM, but most libations are 99 baht. Lady drinks, a splash of lolly water that could evaporate in the time it took Buddy Holly to sing ‘Rave On’, are over-priced at 119 baht.

 

They’ve also got a bog boy lurking in the bathroom armed with a wet towel and a surly look. I’d like to respectfully suggest to management that the majority of customers in a chrome pole palace are quite capable of unzipping their own fly, steering Stanley to the Stainless Steel, and turning on a tap to wash their hands, unaided. When I went to heed the call of nature one of the five customers in the den had gone before me and was berating the bog boy, telling him he didn’t need his neck rubbed while he was concentrating on more important matters. Still, the music is good, the layout is spacious and if the dancing maidens are not exactly in the Elite Model class, they’re easy enough on the eye.

 

Cheese and Chalk: I have no doubt that a number of ogling den (and for that matter, beer boozer) operators need to get out from under their cash register and spend some time looking at what their opposition are doing.

 

One of the leading ogling dens in Fun Town is Super Girls in Soi Diamond. Wander inside and you will not be using the words ‘stunning’ and ‘buffalo’ in the same sentence. With around 10 chrome pole molesters cavorting on stage at any one time, plus another 30 or 40 waiting in the wings for their turn, you’re in danger of optical burnout. Thirst quenchers run at a very reasonable 90 baht.

 

The downside is that the dancing maidens think their fecal matter smells like eau de cologne and seem to regard most customers as not much better than pond scum. One or two did smile, although they may actually having been passing scented wind.

 

However, Super Girls is a positive den of enlightenment compared with the newly revamped and re-opened Susie ogling den in Soi 4. On the night I wandered in there were three (count them: 1,2,3) females masquerading as dancers and I was told liver wasters went off at 120 baht. In my last missive I wished them well in what is a difficult location. Unless some very radical changes are made to both dancing girl numbers and the prices of thirst quenchers, I doubt the place will attract more than a passing Arab oil sheik or an inscrutable of lost Japanese tourists.

 

Corrections: As Alzheimer’s begins to take charge of my few remaining brain cells I fear I’ll be writing the word ‘corrections’ more and more. So, before the nurse plunges her needle into my nether regions, let me clear a couple of mistakes from the last missive-

 

First: The X-Ray ogling den (Soi Zero), ably managed by the Dutch Bandido, celebrated its first anniversary on 17 December- not the 12th- as I wrote in the last issue. Libations in X-Ray are very reasonable with Carlsberg draught amber at 45 baht all night and vodka at 65 baht, while the music is better than most places and the chrome pole molesters and the serving wenches definitely leaning towards friendly.

 

Second: In my last report I noted that the former New Buffalo Grill is now called Le Petit Liegeois, which to my Antipodean eyes reads very much like French. Since the extent of my French is ‘champagne’ and ‘escargot’, I think I could be forgiven for not recognising that ‘Liegeois’ was somehow related to the city of Liege, as was pointed out to me by an alert reader. Liege is actually in eastern Belgium.

 

Third: Actually this is not my fault. The Jake Needham book signing set down for 21 December in the Royal Garden Bookazine store was postponed until a date in January. As of going to press I have not been informed as to just when it will be.

 

 

My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com

Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids"

No reproduction without specific reference to: nightmarch@hotmail.com

[shaul_19 0]

Bonanza for Lucky Punters: The New Palladium late night boogie barn (Second Road, past Big C in North Pattaya) will be conducting a special promotion all through January. If you go to the disco with your wife/girlfriend/female then you’ll receive a numbered ticket with each drink you purchase. The tickets go into a lucky draw and every night a few numbers are pulled out and the holders of the winning numbers can win stereos, TV’s, fridges and even a motor bike.

All libations in Palladium are 120 baht, with the spacious barn opening at 9:00PM and rocking on until 2:00AM. Shows commence at 10:00PM. Well worth a look as long as you can handle loud music.

 

Pete

 

I was many times in the palladium and all the times it was almost empty. Does something changed there?

 

11 days to go

[PattayaPete 530]

The place was gutted and completely re-done.  i have not heard any reports on what its like now though.