Laughs

[BigusDicus 9,722]

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that

says........."If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."

So, I call them and say, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven.

What do I do?"

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I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!"

shouted the woman to her husband! The husband replied, "You should've

known how stupid I was the minute I asked you to marry me!"

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Employee....."I'm sorry but I can't come in today ... my doctor says I

suffer from Anal Glaucoma."

Boss........"Anal Glaucoma? What the hell is that?"

Employee...."I just can't see my ass coming to work today!"

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A married couple go to a marriage counselor to work out some problems.

The counselor sits them on the couch and says "For starters, lets

talk about something you both have in common." The husband says "Well,

neither of us suck dick".

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An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the

donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some

people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy

was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,

so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked,

What a shame, he makes that little boy walk. They then decided they both would walk.

Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had

a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to

put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were

probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed

the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the

river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone,

you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.

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An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another

engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. "Where did you get such a

rockin' bike?" asked the first. The second engineer replied "Well, I was

walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode

up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes

and said,"Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly,

"Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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