Thailand - the shocking truth

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The Thailand Revealer: Issue 1. Summer 2546

 

Welcome to issue #1 of the Thailand Revealer, the only true source for a look at why everyone in the Land of Smiles isn't smiling.

 

THE SHOCKING TRUTH: Rumors have abounded for years, but now our darkest fears have been confirmed.  First there was the H-BOMB: the terrible hydrogen bomb that is able to unleash unspeakable horror. Now, for the first time ever, The Thailand Revealer is able to confirm the existence of the H-DOG, a terrible cross breeding of the hydrogen bomb and mans best friend.  What's worse is that the H-DOG is available for any would be terrorist to buy, along with fries and a coke, at a local restaurant located just steps away from the Big "C" shopping mall on Pattaya 2nd road. Unconfirmed reports claim that the H-DOG is a covert weapon that sneaks into enemy military bases, eats all the food it can find left on counters, and then places it's deadly hydrogen based feces on nearby carpets for unsuspecting victims to step on. Once stepped on, these deadly dung droppings unleash the smell equivalent to one megaton of puppy poop.

 

THAILAND DEPT. OF TOURISM SEEKS GALACTIC GUESTS:

With the downturn in the tourism industry over the last year, the Thailand Dept. of Tourism has expanded it's invitation for visitors to extend beyond the borders of our home world.  "E. T. Phone Home", the new Pattaya based communications center, not only allows extra terrestrial life forms the ability to converse with their friends and family on distant worlds, it also accepts and sends faxes, Emails, and can perform money transfers of various intergalactic currencies.

 

LOCAL BUSINESSMAN OUTRAGED AT PORTRAYAL OF THAILAND AS THE WORLDS WHORE HOUSE:  The owner of the Pattaya based "P. P. Body Massage center" has voiced loud criticism over the portrayal of Thailand as a place for people seeking sexual encounters to go.  Says the anonymous owner "We are all about good clean fun. I don't know where these perverts get their demented sexual ideas about Thailand from."

 

KATOEYS SUE LOCAL MOVIE THEATER:  Several katoey, also known as lady boys,  have filed a class action lawsuit against a Pattaya movie center. They accuse the movie center of deceptive advertising for it's mistaken listing of the superhero movie "The X-Men 2" as "The Ex-Men 2". "I'd never heard of the first one, but I figured that if it was good enough to make a sequel it would be something worth watching. Instead I was forced to watch some freaky spin off sequel where Captain Picard from the Starship Enterprise fights Gandolf the wizard.  Neither of them even wore high heels once during the whole movie" complains a lawyer representing the katoeys.

 

CATHOLIC CHURCH ACCUSED OF SUBVERTING THAI YOUTH: The Bangkok police chief today released details of a plan he claims was launched by the Catholic church to convert Thai youths from their Buddhist roots to Catholicism. An unnamed ice cream man was arrested last week for playing the theme song from the hit musical Jesus Christ Super Star on his ice cream bike. The police chief said "That's clearly deceptive and confusing.  Thai children shouldn't have to listen to propaganda about how great some mythical guy is supposed to be while they are buying their carmel coated cockroaches and glazed grasshoppers." This is only the latest incident in what some see as an anti-western campaign sparked by the casting of action hero Chow Yun Fat as the Thai king in the movie remake of The King And I.  One irate citizen claims "That would be like making a movie about the American revolution staring an Australian man.  It just wouldn't make sense".

 

 

HELP FOR SEXUALLY STRESSED THAI MEN: The increasing number of Thai women finding spouses overseas is leaving Thai men lonely and frustrated. According to studies, more men are turning away from masturbation, known as chak wow in Thai, towards substitutes such as beer and whiskey. This alarming trend has led local authorities to begin taking steps to encourage Thai men to return to more natural forms of relief. Says one Thai official "what we really need to do here is to put the WOW back into chak wow". The Thai government is considering a proposal to create karaoke like establishments that play erotic movies 24 hours a day and where Thai men can go and relax. The Thailand Revealer has learned exclusively that the Thai government has employed the help of American Superstar Pee Wee Herman to help design the bars. "We needed someone who has a good feel for these types of things" said a spokesman for the project.

 

THAI GOVERNMENT CONSIDERING A BAN ON RAGNAROK ON LINE: A high ranking Thailand official has confirmed that the government is considering a ban on the ultra popular computer game Ragnarok on line.  "Too many Thai children are sitting around having fun when they should be doing something useful like picking rice in the fields or making Nike sneakers" says one Thai official.

 

THAI PARLIAMENT RAISES STATUS OF AUTOMOBILES IN THAILAND: The Thai Parliament has unanimously voted to approve a bill that would give Thai automobiles more rights and privileges than people living in the country.  According to the bill cars now have the exclusive right of way on all roads, streets, sidewalks, stairways, waterways, shopping malls, playgrounds, and other public transportation venues. One of the strongest supporters of the bill was quoted as saying "Anyone who is so poor that they cannot afford an automobile deserves to get mowed down like the worthless roadkill that they are."  The Parliament is currently stalled on the passage of a related bill that would allow the owner of any vehicle damaged while hitting a pedestrian to gain full compensation for damage from the victims surviving relatives. Members of Parliament are split over a measure requiring poor families to be sold into slavery to pay for the cost of damage. The sticking point is whether the bill should include 5 or 10 future generations of the said Thai family.

 

 

See what spending a month in Thailand does to your brain.

[aj 62]

[smiley=banghead.gif] [smiley=banghead.gif]   i new i was missing something last time over. but then i do not go there to think [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=cheers.gif].