Monkeywatch - December 2011

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to our Christmas edition, bringing with it a message of peace on earth and goodwill to all men – except Russians, obviously. Right, off we go.

 

A petrol pump attendant was apprehended by police last Friday night after being caught spying on a woman while she was using the toilet at a petrol station in Jomtien. It’s been pointed out that female cleaners in Thailand do this all the time in men’s toilets, though to be fair they don’t normally climb up the side of the cubicle and look over the top as in this case.

 

There was a bit of an altercation at a Central Pattaya restaurant on Wednesday when three men verbally abused the owner and then assaulted him. The reason for the attack remains unclear, though a witness said that one of the men had visited the restaurant the previous week and complained about his meal, at which point the Customer Services Manager had hit him in the face with a frozen chicken.

 

Chinese tourists are noted for their insatiable curiosity. Here we see a group of them being shown a piece of dog excrement by their tour guide…

 

 

The increasing numbers of first time visitors to Thailand seem to have spawned a new breed of character, ‘the guru’. This chappie brings a bunch of wide-eyed noobs to Pattaya so he can enlighten them with the all-seeing, all-knowing wisdom he acquired from his one and only visit the previous year. They gather round him and listen with awe and reverence as he regales them with tales of places he discovered called Go Go Bars, where girls have been known to flash a nipple and will accompany you to your room for up to five minutes and only want 10,000 baht for the privilege. He tells them of baht buses that will transport you back to your hotel for only 100 baht, of kindly locals carrying little cards who will escort you to all the best bars in town for a very reasonable fee, and of tall leggy girls with big hands who know their way round a man’s body as if it were their own. And the next year the noobs all end up back in Benidorm.

 

Ever-vigilant narcotics officers arrested a Nigerian national last Sunday for selling class 1 drugs. The man confessed to the crime but said he was offended by the racist description of him on the charge sheet, adding that anyway his name wasn’t Ian.

 

Remember the LCD electronic touch screen tourist information kiosks that made a brief appearance in Pattaya before being scrapped? Well, the upgraded version is finally with us, bearing a remarkable resemblance to a big sheet of paper…

 

 

Bars news now, and we start with the opening of the new super sized Sapphire Club on Soi 15. It’s all very swish, but first reports indicate that it isn’t only the premises that have been inflated. Club Relaxxx has closed, leaving X-Zone as the only bar still open in the two-storey Covent Garden complex. One of the old names from this complex may be reappearing though, with the rumour that the recently closed Climax A Go Go will reopen shortly bearing the name of Catz. And Silver Star A Go Go on Soi 8 has rejoined its two sequels by opening its doors again. Like films, you can’t beat the original.

 

There was a weird occurrence early on Monday morning when a woman was observed standing on Sukhumvit Road apparently fixated by a street light. She was eventually taken to hospital and examined by doctors who concluded she had been taking narcotics. Crystal moth, presumably.

 

Quality of construction has always been of paramount importance when building hotels in Pattaya…

 

 

You know, Pattaya just doesn’t seem to have the same number of characters as it did in days gone by. Gone are the times when you could stroll around the bars any night of the week and see the likes of The Syrup, Nerdyboy, Perry Comb-over, Ferret, The Plank – the list goes on and on. Star of the bunch was undoubtedly Crazy Nobby. Must have been 70 years old if he was a day. Several times a week he’d stagger into Catz A Go Go pissed as a fart, throw all his cash into the air until he was buried under a pile of girls, get up for a quick session on the chrome poles then get hurled out into the street to give him time to come back down to Planet Earth so he could do it all again the next night. Some might say he was living the afterlife without being dead. Others might not.

 

A Thai fellow was arrested last week after he snatched a gold necklace from the neck of a Korean chap in a petrol station in South Pattaya. The man confessed to the crime, but claimed that the police gave him the idea the last time he was arrested for a similar offence by suggesting he should consider a new Korea move.

 

And finally, a cross dresser was nabbed by police after stealing a flood donation box from a convenience store a couple of weeks ago. So now he’s a very cross dresser.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[davebowk 13]

" his name wasn’t Ian."

Took a few seconds but a good one that.

[MM 6,562]

" his name wasn’t Ian."

Took a few seconds but a good one that.

 

I admit I dwelt on that line for a bit longer too.

[Montydog 135]

As always :thumbup