Monkeywatch - February 2012

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this month’s salacious spread of seedy sensationalism. But enough of this tabloid fever, here’s the stuff.

 

Investigations are currently being made into illegal tour companies in Pattaya, with particular emphasis on those run by foreigners, as there is apparently concern that foreign criminal gangs may be involved in these businesses. Criminal gangs? Wonder what they’ve been up to? Sightseeing with menaces? Armed photography? Elephant trekking with intent?

 

The raiding season is in full swing with dozens of bars falling under the scrutiny of the Boys From The Brownstuff. Just the usual shit - underage drinks, drugs without a work permit, unlicensed urine, topless ID cards, you know the sort of thing. Perhaps they should consider burning a few witches for a bit of variety. They shouldn’t have much trouble finding some.

 

A new hotel group is offering Indian tourists luxury air-conditioned rooms at bargain rates…

 

 

It’s been reported that more than a hundred tourists are trapped in Pattaya following the collapse of a tour company in Russia. Christ, it must have been a bloody tall building to fall that far.

 

A man from Rayong was arrested last week and charged with being a police impersonator and sex abuser, though it is unclear at present whether this is one charge or two.

 

Speaking of abuse, it’s been reported that solvent abuse is on the increase in Thailand. Just be careful you don’t get your dick stuck in the bottle.

 

The discovery of an old urine sample at a Police Station finally proves that Pattaya was once visited by Oliver Reed…

 

 

Bar news this month begins with the welcome return of U-Too Bar, the new version of which is located on Drinking Street at the top end of Second Road. There’s a new Go Go bar just opened on Walking Street in the shape of Lighthouse A Go Go, and a new coyote bar called Guugle. Might be worth a luuk. And if that wasn’t enough, yet another Go Go is under construction on the site of the ill-fated Pleasure Dome. Not to be outdone, Soi LK Metro also has two new bars in the pipeline, a coyote bar that will be called Destiny and a Go Go bar that won’t. Even Eazy A Go Go on Soi 15 has opened again (though it’ll probably be closed again by the time you read this). The only casualty of the month appears to be Baby Boom A Go Go off Soi Buakhao. It’s still open but not recommended if you don’t want to get more than you bargained for in the downstairs department, so to speak.

 

A German who went to retrieve the boat he had left on Pattaya Beach got a bit of a shock when he returned to the spot and found that his status as a boat owner had been revised to that of a former boat owner. The craft was eventually recovered, but he was advised to find a safer place to leave it in future. He’d left it opposite the Police Station.

 

Some new beer bars are being offered for sale on Beach Road, though they do need one or two finishing touches…

 

 

Ministry officials have been checking boy bars in South Pattaya for the usual range of offences, though it’s been suggested that one or two officials may have been checking certain boys just that little bit too often.

 

A spokesman for Ripley’s Believe It Or Not has denied rumours that their Pattaya branch was planning to stage an exhibition of Robin Gibb’s surplus intestines.

 

Finally, an illegal Korean call centre has been closed down and 13 arrests made following a police raid in Naklua. So that’ll be another British bank without a help line then.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman