Monkeywatch - May 2012

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this, our 6th Anniversary Edition already. Still, as they say, time flies like an arrow but fruit flies like a banana. Let’s get on.

 

Local police have blamed their failure to maintain public order over the Songkran period on the fact that they ran out of ammunition. Someone must have turned off the police station’s water supply.

 

They got their own back last Monday night though, with a total shutdown of Soi 6 for license inspections and piss tests. The bars got a clean bill of health for the licenses but the employees didn’t fare quite so well, with 60 of them failing the drug test. Does this mean that until they can pass the test they aren’t allowed to take drugs without supervision from a qualified smackhead?

 

It’s been reported on a local news site that a Korean tourist is suspected of being drugged and robbed in South Pattaya. So the suspect is also the victim? Sounds like an interesting legal situation. No doubt he’ll be given a stiff sentence if found guilty.

 

The body of an Indian man was found in a potato field near Pattaya the other week. Suppose it’s cheaper than using fertilizer.

 

You can’t be too careful when it comes to UV rays…

 

 

A strange tale emerged a few weeks ago of a Thai man who committed suicide after becoming depressed because his previous suicide attempt had failed. Lucky the second attempt was successful or he’d have been really pissed off.

 

A Thai lad shot three people, including a falang, on Soi 8 during Songkran after somebody upset him a bit. This’ll take some explaining away by the Tourist Authority. Family friendly resort my big spotty arse.

 

Local residents have been complaining about a large hole that has appeared in South Pattaya Road and is apparently still increasing in size and depth. They say it’s about time that officials got to the bottom of it, at which point the locals will presumably fill it in themselves.

 

This is Pattaya’s answer to Stonehenge. God only knows what the question was…

 

 

A bit of bar news this month. Club Relaxxx on Soi Covent Garden appears to have reduced its opening hours to nil. Sabai Land has also closed, but only for some major renovations, and will be reappearing in the not too distant future. The old Hooty’s on Walking Street is to be relaunched as Roxy 2, and will start its new life as a coyote bar. Gentlemen’s Club on Soi Diamond has also reopened, though first reports indicate it was more fun when it was closed. And Soi LK Metro has a new offering in the shape of Queen’s Club A Go Go. Word is that it has the same owners as Iron Club on Walking Street. Wonder what names they’ll come up with for their next bars? Brown Hatters A Go Go? Uphill Gardeners Club?

 

A drug control officer was arrested last week after going on a rampage and shooting spree in a Pattaya hospital. The man, who witnesses described as being ‘completely out of his tree’, was seen raving, shouting incoherently and waving his weapon around (must have thought he was in a Go Go). Police are continuing to question the man as they suspect his particular method of drug control may be straying a little outside official guidelines.

 

The government has stated that there will be no ‘megafloods’ in Thailand this year, and that foreign businessmen can now be much more confident investing in the country. Particularly if they invest in snorkels or canoes, presumably.

 

This Pattaya official said he spotted no flooding problems at all during his drive down Beach Road…

 

 

The Thai workforce need to learn to speak better English, according to a local official during a speech to local businessmen. Or as he put it, “Collect yooz of de Ingrish rangwitch iss velly importann”. He may have a point, actually. We still remember the gonorrhoea epidemic scare on Soi Pattayaland 2 after someone thought they heard a bar girl saying the street was a “road of clap”.

 

This year’s Pattaya International Music And Traffic Jam Festival was reckoned by many to be lacking in atmosphere compared to previous events. One attendee was heard to complain that he’d only seen two punch-ups and no shootings at all. Guess music just ain’t what it used to be.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[gs joe 1,776]

A big thanks ,

 

Joe

[boggie9r 28]

Great...as always. Funny stuff.