The joys of aging

[BigusDicus 9,881]

 

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

 

 

He awoke before the Pearly Gates,

where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'

 

Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be!

I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

 

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only

one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

 

Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send

him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew,

he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..

 

 

A rooster strolled past.

'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

 

 

'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this

strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

 

 

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster.

'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'

 

 

'Never,' said Ed.

 

 

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

 

 

He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later,

out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion

as he experienced motherhood.

He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..

 

 

As he was about to lay his third egg,

he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....

 

 

"Ed, wake up! You just shit the bed!"

 

Getting OLD just ain't what

they said it would be!

 

[steamer 158]

As a kid, I could never understand the need for reading material in the toilet. You go in and do your business and you're out in 2 minutes which is about the time it takes to find out where you left off and read maybe a half a paragraph. What's up with that? I've finally figured that one out, unfortunately.

[yogi100 1,925]

As a kid, I could never understand the need for reading material in the toilet. You go in and do your business and you're out in 2 minutes which is about the time it takes to find out where you left off and read maybe a half a paragraph. What's up with that? I've finally figured that one out, unfortunately.

 

 

I now see why I remember some oldsters taking a book, a crossword puzzle, a sandwich and a thermos of tea to the toilet especially when you're constipated.

[steamer 158]

I now see why I remember some oldsters taking a book, a crossword puzzle, a sandwich and a thermos of tea to the toilet especially when you're constipated.

When in Thailand I'm sometimes very, very happy that I've had loads of shrimp, Other times, not so much.