Jason Puncheon in breach of agreement?

[Skygod 40]

Career on the rocks with no opportunity to play regularly?
Over 30 and finding it difficult to find employment?
Criminal record deterring clubs from signing you?

Contact : Bung Management Limited
colin@givemeabung.com

Here at Colin W****r Bung Management (CWBM), we can tailor a deal especially for you. We specialise in negotiating deals that work for both you and us. We have access to funding from high net worth individuals that don't know the first thing about football and we have been successfully operating schemes to redistribute some of their wealth between us for many years. You get a higher guaranteed income for up to two years initially and we receive gifts from you in return.


What are the tax implicitaions?

All payments to CWBM are made as gifts, so there is no initial tax liability on either party. If you were to die within 7 years of making the gift, there may be an inheritance tax liability upon your estate, but as a money grabbing selfish bastard, you will already be used to having someone else cleaning up your shit.

Is this a contractual arrangement?

Gifts cannot be contractual, so there'll be no paperwork.

How to make a gift?

All gifts to be made in used UK banknotes stuffed in a brown paper bag on the first Monday after the club makes their payment to you. You will be notified of your drop off point at the start of the arrangement.

If I default on making the gift?

If you choose not to continue with the agreement, you'll not play football; your income will be seriously reduced and there will be no playing contract renewal.

What if CWBM is no longer represented at the club I join?

If CWBM stops being represented at your club, then as soon as is practically possible, CWBM will contact you to discuss a transfer to another participating club with an enhanced package.

Can I become a CWBM client if I'm at a participating club, but I'm not that good a footballer?

Of course. We have developed specialist plans for players at clubs that become participating members. We can tailor one-off schemes to provide you with a lump sum sign on fee for a new club or alternatively arrange for lucrative loan spells at clubs that have affiliations with CWBM.

Does CWBM provide long term plans?

Yes, here at CWBM, we have a number of players who have made appearances for several of our participating clubs long after their useful playing days.

Is this defrauding the club?

This has not been determined in the courts, but our legal team believe that whilst it may be considered unethical, it's not actually illegal.

Any other benefits?

We at CWBM believe that our clients should all be "one big happy family". We host several social events for all our clients. These regularly include a weeks holiday in Cornwall prior to the start of the season and a barbeque at the home of our CEO. We also manage to get other 'freebies' paid for by one of the high net worth individuals that we deal with.

Are there any other requirements upon the client?

i.) During your time as a CWBM client, you will always refer to the CEO as 'The Gaffer' and at any press conferences refer to him as 'a great bloke that really belives in me'.

ii.) You will keep your trap shut at all times about any arrangements past or present with CWBM!