Guy goes into a bar...

[BigusDicus 9,923]

Guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender!

 

The robot says, "What will you have?"

 

The guy says, "Whiskey."

 

The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"

 

The guy says,"168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

 

The guy leaves, . . But he is curious . . . So he goes back into the bar.

 

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says,"Whiskey." Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, "What's your IQ?"

 

The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, the Saints and LSU Tigers.

 

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try this one

more time. He goes back into the bar.

 

The robot says, "What will you have?"

 

The guy says, "Whiskey," and the robot brings him his whiskey. T

 

he robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

 

The robot leans in real close and says, "So,.......You people still happy . . . with Obama?"

 

[atlas2 4,329]

A truck driver goes into a bar in the outback……..

 

Biggest joint in town.

 

"What yer 'aving mate?"

 

The guy throws $500 on the table and says,"Give me a burnt chop and the ugliest girl in the joint"

 

"Mate for $500 you can 'ave a prime steak with all the trimmings and the best looking Sheila we got"

 

"Na mate……..I'm not feeling horny just a bit homesick."

Edited March 29, 2015 by atlas2

[Sailfast 503]

 

Guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender!

 

The robot says, "What will you have?"

 

The guy says, "Whiskey."

 

The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"

 

The guy says,"168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

 

The guy leaves, . . But he is curious . . . So he goes back into the bar.

 

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says,"Whiskey." Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, "What's your IQ?"

 

The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, the Saints and LSU Tigers.

 

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try this one

more time. He goes back into the bar.

 

The robot says, "What will you have?"

 

The guy says, "Whiskey," and the robot brings him his whiskey. T

 

he robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

 

The robot leans in real close and says, "So,.......You people still happy . . . with Obama?"

 

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try this one

more time. He goes back into the bar.

 

The robot says, "What will you have?"

 

The guy says, "Whiskey," and the robot brings him his whiskey. T

 

he robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 49.

 

I hear exciting talk of a Ted Cruz - Sarah Palin ticket.

 

[BigusDicus 9,923]

A truck driver goes into a bar in the outback……..

 

Biggest joint in town.

 

"What yer 'aving mate?"

 

The guy throws $500 on the table and says,"Give me a burnt chop and the ugliest girl in the joint"

 

"Mate for $500 you can 'ave a prime steak with all the trimmings and the best looking Sheila we got"

 

"Na mate……..I'm not feeling horny just a bit homesick."

[atlas2 4,329]

A woman goes into a bar with a duck under her arm.

 

The bartender says, "where did you get that pig?"

 

"That's not a pig it's a duck you stupid idiot!"

 

"I was talking to the duck."

[atlas2 4,329]

Stephen Harkins rolls into a bar and orders a beer.

 

"Ok" says the bartender......." I'll serve you a beer but don't get any big ideas"

Edited March 31, 2015 by atlas2

[atlas2 4,329]

Patna, Evil and Gabor walk into a bar…….

 

The bartender says…."Is this some kind of a joke?"

[Basil B 46]

Guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender!

 

The robot says, "What will you have?"

 

The guy says, "Whiskey."

 

The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"

 

The guy says,"168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

 

The guy leaves, . . But he is curious . . . So he goes back into the bar.

 

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says,"Whiskey." Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, "What's your IQ?"

 

The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser, the Saints and LSU Tigers.

 

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try this one

more time. He goes back into the bar.

 

The robot says, "What will you have?"

 

The guy says, "Whiskey," and the robot brings him his whiskey. T

 

he robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 45."

The robot leans in real close and says, "Will your brother Jeb be running for the Presidency next year???"

[sylviasensei 5]

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

"Yes," she purrs. "I am."

"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"

[atlas2 4,329]

Jesus goes into a bar……..and orders a glass of water.

 

 

A Screwdriver goes into a bar.

 

The bartender says……"Hey we got a drink named after you"

 

"You've got a drink called Ralph?"

[soidoggy 5]

I found myself in a pub in Cork. A group of American tourists came in.

One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think your great drinkers. I bet 5,000 euros that no-one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."

The bar was silent, the American noticed one Irishman leaving, no-one took up the bet.

40 minutes later the Irishman who left returned and said "Hey Yank, is yer bet still on?"

"Sure" said the American, "20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of 5,000 euros."

"Grand, " replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."

It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.

"OK Yank, pay up." said the Irishman.

"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager I saw you leave. Where did you go?'

"Well sir", replied the Irishman, "5,000 euros is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.

[atlas2 4,329]

Great!

[chas 16]

A blonde walks into a bar.

The barman says "Is this a joke?"