Monkeywatch - December 2018

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, a yuletide showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to Christmas in Giggle City.

City Hall has announced that the Pattaya Countdown to New Year will take place on December 30-31. So when else would it be, in the middle of bloody April? It’s also been announced that from December 29 to January 1, all tourists and locals will be admitted to historical parks and museums free of charge, though there will of course be reduced rates for Thais.

There’s been a shortage of girls in the bars lately as so many of them are still suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder after being disconnected from their smartphones for a whole day. O2 be in Thailand, now that winter’s here…

Local officials are pleased to report that the clear up after the Loy Krathong festivities was completed much more quickly than usual. They did, however, neglect to mention this was because the recent floods washed most of the shit out to sea.

Getting sunburn in Pattaya can be a thing of the past if you get yourself one of these handy portable trees…

A 48 year old Walking Street freelancer was arrested last week after allegedly robbing a punter who'd taken her back to his hotel. 48 year old? He was robbed all right.

Another Thai master criminal came to a sticky end a few weeks ago when he tried to rob a Pattaya gold shop. As soon as he produced a knife, the staff ran into a back room and activated all the locks, leaving the hapless would-be thief with no means of escape until the police arrived and arrested him. Turns out he was a mahout. Bet his elephant never forgets about this. Silly bugger.

Pattaya had a ban on plastic bags for a day on 4 December for some reason or another. Might explain why the only girls working in the Go Go’s that night were the ones with natural tits.

Once again, Pattaya leads the way with the first ever 16 cylinder pickup truck…

Christmas bar news now, and fans of the old Club Blu might want to check out Lisa on the Beach, a new glass fronted coyote bar on the site of the recently closed We Are The World. Harem Club has opened on Walking Street, and Champion A Go Go closed down then strangely reopened upstairs. LoSo to HiSo? And there’s yet another Indian club opening in the building that used to be the CoCoon nightclub, reportedly once owned by a Jamaican bloke with a stammer. Looks like they’ll be employing Russian girls rather than Indians though. Shame. 

Local health volunteers have been told they must do more to prevent the spread of dengue fever. They appear to have taken the directive on board as they were last seen heading for a nearby mosquito-ridden swamp armed with submachine guns.

Wind back a decade now with a duo of snippets from Monkeywatch of December 2008…

 “All hell broke loose on Pattayaland 2 last week when a lost monkey ran through several shops and started slinging all the goods around. It eventually disappeared into a shoe shop and hasn’t been seen since. When questioned, shop owners said they hadn’t bothered reporting the incident as the monkey had behaved better than most of their customers.

Thai Environment Day was celebrated in Pattaya on December 4. Over 300 people took part in a bicycle ride, during which they collected rubbish from streets all around the city.  Council workers are now clearing up 2000 beer cans, 1500 burger boxes and 500 gallons of urine left over from the party held to celebrate the event’s success.”

There was controversy at this year’s annual Pattaya Frog Trampling Contest when some of the participants demanded a recount…

Police arrested a Thai bloke a few days ago for stealing the clothes and belongings of a couple who’s gone for a late night swim at the north end of Pattaya Beach. They advised tourists who engage in such activities to “leave their belongings with a minder. “ Good advice, unless you don’t happen to be the Kray twins.   

Plans are already under way for next year’s Pattaya Night Run. This is an official event and is in no way related to the nightly event on Beach Road involving groups of ladyboys being chased up the road by local police.

Finally, if you’ve seen a story entitled “Cambodian arrested for Koh Larn theft”, don’t worry. We’ve checked and it’s still there. Bloody fake news.

Merry Christmas everyone.

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Butch]

"We are the world bar" - The one next to the burger king (between Soi 7 and 8)?. didn't know it had closed down!. Oh well ,another Pattaya institution gone. Enjoyed many an afternoon in there sinking cheap Tiger beer and watching the world (well, traffic) go by.

Edited December 27, 2018 by Butch

[Nightrider]

Another great giggle for the xmas time readers.....cheers monkey

[monkeyman]

On 12/27/2018 at 7:15 PM, Butch said:

"We are the world bar" - The one next to the burger king (between Soi 7 and 8)?. didn't know it had closed down!. Oh well ,another Pattaya institution gone. Enjoyed many an afternoon in there sinking cheap Tiger beer and watching the world (well, traffic) go by.

Yes, that is indeed the establishment in question.