Monkeywatch - November 2019

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once more, and welcome to this month’s Chinese special edition. Well actually there’s other stuff as well.

There’s been some discussion about all the crap Chinese goods being sold in Pattaya. We heard a story about a Thai bloke who plugged in his new Chinese-made soldering iron and it immediately blew out all the street lights and melted the fillings in his teeth. Well, what the hell, this is how the Japanese started and they eventually got it right. Not much consolation to soldering iron owners though, and probably even less to the Thai navy who’ve just ordered a Chinese-built submarine. Voyage to the bottom of the barrel?

Bali Hai Pier was the scene of a pitched battle a couple of weeks ago when some Thai businessmen had a bit of a difference of opinion about something or other. There were punches and kicks being thrown, along with chairs, tables, bottles, glasses and anything else they could get their hands on. A passing group of Chinese tourists got caught in the crossfire but fortunately none of them were injured. They were all killed.

Talking about dead Chinese, it was reported that a Chinese woman had plummeted to her demise from a condo, but a subsequent statement said that she was actually Korean. Christ, they can’t even tell each other apart. Must have made the British police in Essex feel a whole lot better about their shortcomings in the ethnic identification department.

Another Chinese tourist fell off the back of a baht bus while allegedly playing silly buggers with his mates. He was taken to hospital where his condition was described as “not quite dead.” With this kind of stuff going on, one wonders if the Chinese government has decided that the best way to reduce the population of their country is to send them all to Pattaya.

Probably not the best name to choose if you’re trying to attract a respectable clientele…

 

Police had a big crackdown on fireworks over Loy Krathong in an attempt to make things safer and to get back to the traditional spirit of the festival. “Loy Krathong should be about peace and tranquillity”, said a police spokesman, “it shouldn’t be about gangs of noisy drunks falling about and shoving lighted fireworks into each other’s bum cracks. That’s what the 5^th of November’s for”

A pissed-up Ruskie bloke was arrested twice in the same day for flashing his bollocks at tourists on Koh Larn and at Bali Hai Pier. When asked by police for details of what she saw, a female tourist replied “Well it was like a penis, only smaller.”

Looks a bit on the draughty side…

Bar news this month is a story of closures, starting with the demise of Peppermint. Another piece of Pattaya history bites the dust. Hidden has gone into hiding, as has its owner. Wildcats has closed and become part of an enlarged Pin Up. Teerak, Yes and Crazy House have also gone, though the latter’s been replaced by Pacha (not much of a replacement apparently.)    

A couple of Thais have been charged with assault after beating up a middle-eastern chappie on Pattaya Beach. They claimed they were performing a citizen’s arrest until the police pointed out that “being a stinking pig” wasn’t actually a criminal offence.

Time for a stroll down memory Soi now with a pair of titbits from Monkeywatch in November 2009…

“There was a story reported from South Pattaya about three weeks ago entitled “Canadian loses 500,000 baht’s worth of valuables following room theft”. So how do you smuggle a room out of a hotel without anyone noticing?  

Two monks were arrested for begging a couple of Saturdays ago after being caught doing the rounds of Third Road bars asking punters for money. They were both taken to the temple in South Pattaya and summarily disrobed, at which point it was discovered that the older man was not even a real monk. The police decided not to pursue the begging offence, but the younger man is believed to have been charged with possession of a fake monk in line with the police’s stated aim of cracking down on counterfeit goods.”

Harsher penalties have been introduced for smoking on the beach…

Pattaya seems to have inherited the title of The Swinging City after two people hanged themselves in separate incidents on the same morning. When asked to speculate about the reason behind these incidents, a police spokesman said “I suppose someone must have given them enough rope.”

Some women’s groups held a march down Beach Road last week to raise awareness about domestic violence. Unfortunately, very few women turned up as the rest has been told by their husbands that they’d get a bloody good hiding if their dinner wasn’t on the table when they got home.

Finally, a False Killer Whale that was rescued near Pattaya Beach has subsequently died. Anti- counterfeiting police were stood down after a marine biologist explained to them that it’s actually the name of a species of dolphin.

be seeing you

monkeyman

Edited November 24, 2019 by monkeyman

[teelack 9,639]

Thanks as always for taking the time. While Pacha may not be wonderful it is still possible the best 95 baht cheap draft intro fee on Walking Street. 100 plus girls, some of who are very desirable, for that price is the November bargain.

Sent from my Nokia 6.1 using Tapatalk

[monkeyman 1,604]

Not been in myself, but my understanding is that it isn't "hands-on" like Crazy House was and so isn't really the replacement that some may have been hoping for.

Doesn't mean it isn't worth a visit of course. 

[teelack 9,639]

I guess that near the end most of the ladies in Crazy House were not worth putting 'hands on' but I see your point. I guess that CH was itself getting to the stage where it needed to be gutted anyway and few things stay the same. Pacha is a different concept in that lookers seem to have replaced doers. There are still enough hands on places in Pattaya to ease the pain!