Monkeywatch - November 2025

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for joining us, and welcome to the month of Loy Krathong, or whatever else floats your boat.

Looking at the state of some of the young blokes wandering around Pattaya, you have to wonder if their hairdressers and their tailors are competing with each other for some kind of comedy award.

A Pakistani DJ working in Pattaya was given a right good kicking by a group of food delivery riders on South Pattaya Road who accused him of causing trouble. Anyone who’s heard Pakistani music would no doubt say “guilty as charged.”

A Ukrainian chappie is in hospital after he sprayed mosquito repellent on a ladyboy and was then stabbed by the victim. Police noted that he had previously been arrested for spraying cockroach repellent on a group of Muslims, though there was no mention as to whether or not it worked.

Officials enforcing the ban on driving vehicles on Pattaya Beach seem to have missed this one…

Counterfeit goods have always been around in Pattaya but now we also have a counterfeit monk. The fellow in question had also set up a counterfeit temple and was obtaining money by deception. He was taken by the authorities to a local temple where the abbot ordered him to remove his robes. He was then arrested for indecent exposure and taken to the local police station. Oh well, all’s well that ends well.

A German tourist was injured after he fell down a drain in central Pattaya. Makes a change – last time the local authorities cleaned out the drainage system the only people they found down there were Russians.

Topless bathing was taken to a new level when the bottom half of a body was found floating in the water off the coast of Pattaya. The remains have been sent to forensic experts for investigation into the cause of death. One suspects that being sliced in half might be a strong contender.

Looks like Pattaya’s green credentials are slipping a little…

Bar news now, and the Maggie May Beer Garden is now up and running, though not all the bars are open yet and some of the more interesting features are yet to be installed. Let’s wait and see how it pans out.

A teenage Thai was shot dead in East Pattaya after following a group of youths to settle a dispute. This is generally accepted to be the Thai version of arbitration.

Time for times gone by with a look back a couple of ripping yarns from Monkeywatch in November 2015…

“The local Tourism Authority office has reported that Chinese tourists continue to flock to Koh Larn despite the various ghastly fates that have befallen many of their fellow countrymen while visiting the Land of Smiles. A representative from Zero Coin Tours, a popular Chinese travel company, said “They seemed to be okay with the bombings, rapes and decapitations, so we thought we’d give shipwrecks a go.” Unfortunately, he said it in Chinese and it got translated as “There’s a purple emu urinating on my rubber chicken”. Must be what they mean by Chinese whispers.

There’s been some discussion recently where it’s been postulated that the GFE or girlfriend experience is no longer readily available in Patts. Really? We were reading only the other day about a chap who took a girl to his room where she refused to have sex with him, then smashed a bottle over his head and took his money, phone and motorcycle. Now that’s a real GFE for you.”

Pattaya officials insist that no pirated goods are being shipped into the city…

An Indian tourist reported to police that his 70,000 baht gold necklace was stolen by two ladyboys and, well, you’ve heard it all before. Concerns were raised that this sort of thing damages Pattaya’s reputation as a safe, world-class holiday resort. So where did this reputation come from exactly?

It’s being reported that the girls in Pattaya are turning more and more to Japanese, Korean and Chinese men because they are more generous with their spending than Europeans. The fact that their dicks aren’t visible to the naked eye probably helps as well.

And remember, in Pattaya the definition of style is barfining a showgirl when you can’t find your bottle opener.

be seeing you

monkeyman

[monkeyman]

Just out of curiosity, does anyone know what that galleon in the photo is doing off the coast of Pattaya? Photo taken on Beach Road in late September.

[jacko]

13 hours ago, monkeyman said:

Just out of curiosity, does anyone know what that galleon in the photo is doing off the coast of Pattaya? Photo taken on Beach Road in late September.

About 6 knots.....