RhinoTusk

This is the Christmas edition. I wanted to do something special for the holidays, so I booked the JW Marriott Always liked the lounge, pity I can't enjoy a cigar there anymore Nice view of Nana Plaza Happy Hour, 4 PM to 8 PM, in the second floor Manhattan Lounge I went out at 6:30 AM for breakfast, thought I'd just have a ham and cheese croissant at Burger King, but they don't open until 10 AM now. Not much was open. Some road side bars were around, but it was a little too early for a drink. There were some joggers about, including some very attractive women. Unfortunately, also some homeless people sleeping on the street, wouldn't feel comfortable taking their photo. Margarita Storm was open, still 24 hours I think, but I don't care for their breakfasts. I went there for a 4 AM Taco Salad. Eventually settled at Tom N Tom's, formerly Holly's Coffee at that location. Bagel sandwich with a cappuccino Down Soi 2 way, formerly Majestic Grande is now Doubletree, whenever it re-opens Hooters Nana had some food specials, a dozen wings and a pint for 299 At Nana Plaza, all the top floor bars are closed Sunday and Monday now, and Billboard and Butterflies are the best bars in the plaza. Soi Nana very quiet at 6:30 PM I went over to Patpong, first took a stroll down Soi Thaniya. There were lots of girls out, I took a few snaps and moved on quickly before the moto taxi drivers could threaten me because I'm not Japanese. It was a lot different this time, girls were smiling at me, they used to ignore me. When I reached one of the last bars before Surawong Road, a Mamasan says "Come in for a drink". WTF? I took my mask off and said, "I'm not Japanese, I'm farang". "No problem", she says, "come in and have a drink, sit with a lady." Well, I never thought I'd see the day where farang are welcome on Soi Thaniya. What is the world coming to? I politely declined her generous invitation and headed over to Soi Patpong. I'll come back later to taste some of the "forbidden fruit." Patpong looks empty without the night market. King's Castle scaled back to 30 girls, from their usual 80-90, and there were only two other customers but they had some great looking girls At Pink Panther, I was the only customer. After a few long island iced teas there, I headed back to the BTS but stopped in The Strip for one more round. There was only one other customer. I sat in one of the booths and had four girls joining me. Back in the old days, they used to close the curtain but stopped the practice when the junta took over, worried about being raided by the police. The mamasan showed me the drink menu, I noticed lady drinks were priced at 200 baht, so I told the mamasan I'd buy each lady a drink if she'd close the curtains. Desperate economic times call for desperate measures. The curtains were closed and off came my pants. Since this is an open forum, I can't describe what happened but you can use your imagination, being behind the curtain with four horny and hungry girls, it was an experience I'll always cherish. I took some photos but wouldn't dare post them, wouldn't want to get the bar in hot water. Next day, went to see Sutasinee, my stocking stuffer After four days at the JW, I changed to the Sofitel, have never stayed there before. It's right next door to Thermae Coffeeshop Rooms are great, the hotel is much newer than the JW Marriott There's a window into the bedroom so you can lay in the bathtub and watch TV, there's a separate speaker and volume control in the bathroom. The bathrobes are awesome too, don't need a towel, and the beds are super comfortable. Good views from the 21st floor Bring your own whisky There's a rooftop bar on the 32nd floor with even better views I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu, a glass of Spanish red Breakfast was included, it's a la carte but you can order as much as you want. Besides this, I had some smoked salmon Eggs Benedict this morning. I'll check out the pool this afternoon. Yesterday, there was a stocking on my door with two oranges, some cookies, and a candy cane. I took a hike up to Soi 33 for lunch at Tenderloins. I used to go there frequently, they moved to a subsoi 4-5 years ago but still feature a good value fixed lunch with many choices, for 450 baht. I had a cesar salad, small Argentine strip loin steak with baked potato, and ice cream and coffee. Only the wine was extra. After lunch, I got an oil massage with body2body, a bj, and some reverse cowgirl. Last night, Christmas Eve, I went over to Soi Cowboy looking for Santa. There's an old expat with long white hair and a white beard, and he always dresses as Santa and hangs out on Soi Cowboy during the holidays. I stopped at Indulge at the Asoke Intersection for a few of their exotic cocktails first, they run about 300 baht. Here's one with Absolute Vodka and strawberry liqueur, I forget what it's called. This is a Citrous Comfort, made with Southern Comfort, Havana Rum, lemon, lime, pineapple, and mint. Very tasty way to get your Vitamin C. The waitress said they feature a buy one get one free on Sundays. I didn't get to see Santa, but I'll try again tonight. Went over to Baccara for several bottles of Ho Ho Hoegaarden. Merry Christmas!!!

Here’s a guy from my hometown, the greatest guitarist of all time

It means I don’t do buffets. I could eat more frequently but generally don’t. After a while the intestines stretch out and I can handle more food but if I eat too much I get sick and it’s typical to feel poorly for half an hour after a meal. Frequent snacking works best but I eat out a lot and meals are fixed size, Thai size is better than farang size.

In 2012, I went into Bangkok Hospital-Pattaya with gastrointestinal difficulties, weighing in at 121 kg. They took some tests and prescribed some medications but didn’t identify or solve the problem. Bangkok Hospital Medical Center finally did four years later, and I bottomed out at 88 kg after plenty of involuntary vomiting. Last year, I gained 6 kg of muscle by weight lifting but had to abandon because of hernias, compounded because my intestines now act as my stomach. Since I no longer have a stomach, I can’t eat much and don’t need to watch the diet because anything with a lot of fat or sugar makes me feel ill. My unusual anatomy dictates a healthy diet of fruits and veggies, chicken and seafood, and sushi are what go down best. I try to compensate with cigars and good whisky. Now I’m stuck at 97 kg, it’s probably easier to lose because I don’t get hunger pains, just know when to eat when I feel empty. I’d like to resume weight lifting but don’t wish to risk recurring hernias.

Varitda Bhirombhakdi caught my eye long before she took the stage. I had no idea she was an entertainer, although she was overdressed for the beach. She finished her set with this famous song, despite her audience being over 90% Buddhist, and she can roast my chestnuts anytime. Merry Christmas!

Day 2, I started with some lunch at the Resort's restaurant, Coast. Rock Lobster and seafood pasta with a Piña colada, which came with the shot of rum served on the side. I don't think I've ever seen this before. Rum doesn't taste very good but mixes extremely well with fruit juices. This time, I arrived early and staked out my territory in this beach chair near the stage that I would occupy for the next ten hours. The Festival started promptly at 7 PM Julian Cary is a young African-American from Colorado that teaches jazz studies at Silpakorn University KOH Mr. Saxman was on stage once again. This black woman sang a song in Spanish, great stuff The crowd was captivated, including the giant panda A series of divas followed, each singing a single song. They weren't great but didn't embarrass themselves either. The blonde had hot legs This one was super cute This guy displayed showmanship, and a great haircut The Cottonmouth Blues Band, featuring Keith Nolan from Edinburgh, are sometimes featured Sundays at Check In 99 on Sukhumvit Soi 33 A Thai pop band called Season Five closed the Festival around 1 AM, they were pretty good. They seemed to gain the attention of the girls in the audience Here's a music video that has over 19 million views on YouTube Yeah, it was a fine show despite fewer international performers this year. Sunday was clean-up, they removed the stage quickly before it could be washed away by the tide. There was some controversy in the aftermath due to the Singha tent on the beach. It's possible the festival organizers could face criminal charges for selling alcohol on public property. I think this festival has been happening 15 years and I've always seen them selling beer on the beach. Unfortunately, there may be some changes in store next year. Stopped at La Villa for an Aussie tenderloin in green pepper sauce on my way to the train station. Only 3rd class was available for the trip back, but you don't really need the air conditioning if the train is moving. The fare was 44 baht. Destination wasn't Hua Lamphong station but the newly opened station at Bang Sue that I hadn't seen before

Came to town a day early after receiving my new stamp, my tenth retirement extension, so I was in the mood to celebrate. Did a walk-in at Majestic Suites for 750. They gave me Room 203 once again, the room with synergy (sinergy?), so I knew I'd be getting some hot sex. Went over to Soi 11 for a burger, heard Daniel Thaiger would be closing at the end of the month, will have to find another place for my burger fix.? Over to Gaysorn Plaza for some cigars, then over to Central to check out the Christmas decorations. ? This was hilarious. A young Thai child saw the presents and got all excited, grabbed one and started unwrapping it, expecting some cool toys (must have been watching Western movies). His parents intervened to stop the party. The Erawan Shrine, a quiet scene five years after the Uyghur bombing. The Amarin Plaza There's now a Wine Connection on Soi 11, never saw it before. They have a special before 5 PM: a salad, a pasta, and drink for 199. Good deal, and I bought a bottle of wine to take home. ? Then it was Nana Plaza time Found my friend with the spicy taco, featured earlier. She was so happy to see me come into her bar, how could I not bar fine again? Just 20 years old, ripe and juicy, and love her sweet pussy. For breakfast, steak and eggs at Fitzgeralds ? Then over to Rembrandt Suites, which I had booked earlier, but instead of my usual room, they gave me a suite. Very good for 1150/night, including kitchenette with microwave, toaster, lots of plates and silverware, even a washer/dryer and ironing board. ?️ Picked up some ED meds for making wood, better than viagra Next, it was time for big milk, i.e. Alisa Rattanachawangkul Went to Apoteka on Soi 11 for live music, but the butch farang woman was not exactly Janis.? Finished the evening at Soi Cowboy Times Square Everywhere was Black Pink promoting Pepsi Headed down to Hua Hin on the train ? for the Jazz Festival Upon my return, went back to Daniel Thaiger for a final burger fix there before the restaurant closed. It was their last day open and they were offering any bottle for 200 baht, so I took the opportunity to sample several Belgian ales. I'm going to miss this place. Before going home, had to go out to Impact Challenger for the Auto Expo ? Then, over to Slanted Taco on Soi 23 for Taco Tuesday before going home ? I had a good time

Took my new lens to the motor show yesterday to shoot some hot cars and hotter women, but I thought some were overdressed. Check out this vintage Jaguar I'd like a ride in this corvette Here's a real oldie, must have been hot in it's time 5 liter Mustangs sell for about 3.5 million baht, I paid $25,000 for mine, but that was 20 years ago. I also used to own a Porsche Nissan had a revolving stage, just like Billboard A GoGo Took a break at Flan O'Brien's Pub downstairs, they stock my favorite whisky. I told the barkeep to leave the bottle. Then I sobered up with some Irish Coffee Back to work I couldn't get her to smile, maybe if she joined me for a whisky?

I attend this event every year. With the pandemic, there's less international flavor this year but still lots of great jazz music in Thailand. The late King Bhumibol was quite accomplished on the saxophone and his influence promoted the genre. Showed up at Hua Lamphong station at noon and all departures were cancelled until 5 PM. Waited around the station all afternoon. Finally boarded my 2nd class seat in air-conditioned coach for the 6-hour journey. Ticket cost was 402 baht. I booked the Centera Grand Beach Resort, adjacent to the festival stage, where I could use one of the beach chairs to enjoy the performances in style. I booked one of the Duplex Suites, very comfortable accommodations indeed Bedroom is upstairs Love the colonial motif of the resort, and the grounds are beautifully landscaped They call this lounge The Museum, where you go for afternoon tea There are three pools, but no swim-up bar like at the nearby Hilton Tons of activities available like tennis, bad mitten, table tennis, darts, lawn boules, etc Play areas for the kids I skipped the opening ceremonies and went over to the food area for a bratwurst. There's a second stage set up there for some of the lesser known acts Back to the main Beach Stage for KOH Mr. Saxman, one of the headliners every year. Found some of his material on YouTube, he's very talented IMHO. See if you agree. He also sings Next was KOH Mr. Saxman with Blues signer Keithen Carter Then with trumpet player Steve Cannon The lovely songstress Varitda wowed the audience with her silky smooth voice and outfit, and I loved her hat. She spoke Thai to the crowd but only sang English language songs, finished her set with Mel Torme's Christmas Song. She was well known to the audience, many held up signs with her name in lights. Here's some material from YouTube I was about to leave after Varitda when some Thai college students sitting next to me said, "No, you can't leave now. There's a famous singer coming up, we just came to see him." Well OK, I don't want to offend anyone so I hung around another couple hours. The next act wasn't that great. The headliner came around 12:30 and he was very good. Two very hot female dancers, dressed in black with black bras, added to the excitement. The headliner wore a white jacket and sunglasses. The crowd was very responsive. He came down into the audience and shook peoples hands. At several points, he paused singing and motioned to the audience, which continued singing the song. Everyone seemed to know his songs and the lyrics as well. Also found some of his material on YouTube, he closed the evenings entertainment at 1:35 AM. NEXT: DAY 2

FYI: This luggage fee only applies to Taxis going to/from airports. Otherwise no baggage fees. https://www.nationthailand.com/news/30398295

Here’s an interesting account of the history and plight of the indigenous people of Ko Lipe https://thaiislandtimes.substack.com/p/the-urak-lawoi-people-of-the-butang

This time I booked Majestic Suites on Sukhumvit near Soi Nana, for nostalgia. This and Nana Hotel were the monger's choice because of the location and guest friendliness. They were always booked, you needed reservations a few weeks in advance. I booked with agoda for 950 without breakfast. It used to be 1200 including breakfast, as I recall, when I stayed here frequently 15-18 years ago. Now they're taking walk-ins for 750, I'll remember that for next time. I was assigned room 203, second floor facing Sukhumvit. Glass is thick enough so there's little street noise. I've had some great times in this room and it's just as I remember, they still haven't fixed the TV. But they've replaced the window panels, used to be a lighter brown. For example, here's Fon from Rainbow 1 in 2007. I knew I'd be getting some hot sex here, the room has synergy. I was thinking of a T-Bone at El Gaucho Argentinian Steakhouse all the way in on the bus. Had to get there before 5 PM for the 600 baht discount. Christmas tree is already up at Terminal 21 next door. Art Box is cleared from Chuvit Park and another mall will eventually be occupying that space, adjacent Soi 10. An office building is being constructed on Soi 6, across from Q House. This lot had been empty for years. Lots of traffic during rush hour Lively at Nana Plaza, it's Friday night. Found my short time du jour She left her watch in the bathroom, so I went back to her bar and dropped it off to the mamasan, then headed over to Soi 11 for some live music. There was some across from Taco Bell, but not what I wanted to hear. Stopped at Daniel Thaiger for a beef burger and bottle of 10% Trappist ale. Things were getting started at Insanity Disco. I went to Apoteka. The entertainer was quite good, doing some old classics like (Sitting on) The Dock of the Bay, Ain't No Sunshine, Take it to the Limit, etc, while picking his guitar ? Good stuff. For breakfast, I went over to Fitzgeralds. It was a very quiet Saturday morning on Soi Nana. I had lunch at a place I'd not seen before, the 8855 Cafe and restaurant. Shrimp Pad Thai, only 80 baht, San Miguel draft for 99. It's on the second Soi 8 subsoi, across the street from Lolitas. If you don't see anything there that strikes your fancy, you can that the Soi 6 passage at the end of the Soi and have your knob polished at Kassalong. That's two BJ bars 30-40 meters apart. I made the trip for a photo shoot with Blue. Thought I was in for a treat with a brand new bus home, but it broke down even before getting out of town. This is the third time this has happened to me in the last year. This time, the delay was only 30 minutes, other times an hour.

Thanks for your comments and helping me celebrate my 67th birthday

EPILOGUE It was an uneventful 2 hour ride back to Pac Bara Pier, no stops along the way. I booked a minibus to Hat Yai International Airport but no one was waiting with my name card when I exited the port. Went to the speedboat office and they directed me to a travel agency where I boarded the bus and arrived at the airport in plenty of time for my 7 PM departure to Bangkok. After a 70 minute flight, was back at Rembrandt Suites for a quick shower and back again an hour later with a friend. Feeling relaxed and horny, hadn't had any since Phuket, we snuggled up for the evening and she wore me out. It was a happy ending to a wonderful 17 days. EXPENSE REPORT Accommodation: 17 nights, including book ends in Bangkok Rembrandt Suites, Bangkok (2 nights) 2,200 Kudo Resort, Patong Phuket (3 nights) 6,300 Harbour View Hotel, Ko Phi Phi (3 nights) 5,250 Pimalai Resort and Spa, Ko Lanta (3 nights) 10,700 Princeville Resort, Ao Nang (3 nights) 6,000 Akira Resort, Ko Lipe (3 nights: Pool Access Room) 14,600 Food and Beverage 17,000 Transportation: flights, taxis and minibuses, speedboats and ferries 13,500 Entertainment: Soi Nana, Soi Cowboy, Soi Bangla, two bar fines 13,000 Miscellaneous 1,000 It was a good time for three thousand bucks. Would have flown from California for this, fortunately didn't have to. Perhaps I'll visit Koh Phangan next, include Ko Samui. Haven't been to Samui since 2004, never been to Phangan. Now would be a good time to go, I'm too old for the full moon party.

KO LIPE I didn't realize this island was so tiny. Shaped like a boomerang, only about 3 km long and 2 km wide. You can get anywhere by walking, which is good because there aren't many vehicles except motorbikes (half seem to have sidecars). Ko Lipe is home to about 800 permanent residents, including 500 Sea Gypsies (Chao Ley), who originally settled the island. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moken Reggae music is very popular and you see guys in dreadlocks. There are three main beaches: Sunrise Beach on the east coast, Sunset Beach on the northwest, Pattaya Beach on the south. Naturally, I stayed at Pattaya Beach, ? at the Akira Resort. https://www.akiralipe.com/index.php The resort featured three huge pools, the main pool had a swim-up bar I booked a superior Pool Access room and they put me in the back of the resort, furthest from the sea. Booking a Pool Access is risky because you could have a family with screaming kids in the next room. Have nothing against kids, just don't want them screaming next to me. But I had the entire section of 32 units all to myself, including the 60 meter pool. I picked up this bottle of Bordeaux in Phuket. I set up my own swim-up bar The room was nice, not to the standard of the Pimalai, but still very good Despite a limited number of guests, they had a buffet breakfast. I had my breakfast at the beach. I traversed Pattaya Beach over to Walking Street which dissects the island. Where is Pin-Up? Where is Palace? Baccara? No hab! But, unlike my other destinations, most places were open. There weren't any customers, but at least they were open. You can see my hat in this pic if you look into the reflections. OK, the All-U-Can-Eat seafood place was closed, along with a few bars, but most places were open. I had a hunger for some beef, so went to the Steakhouse for Aussie tenderloin, and it was 2-for-1 happy hour. One nice thing about Ko Lipe was there wasn't the mandatory 10% service charge and 7% government tax, anywhere. Even the room service and minibar prices at my resort were very reasonable, but with many restaurants close by, I just went out and everyone seemed to have 2-for-1 happy hour. I was also the only customer at the King Crab Restaurant. There were a few others at Papaya Mom's. One kilo of crab on the barbie, 700 baht. In the early evening, I walked over to Sunset Beach, a much smaller beach, only about 200 meters long. Here are some scenes from Pattaya Beach, I didn't make it over to Sunrise Beach. I awoke early on my departure day but it was overcast and looked like rain after breakfast, so I only saw it from the boat upon departure. At night they had fire shows Unfortunately, it's time to return to Pac Berra. I'd like to come back to Ko Lipe, I thought it was pretty cool. ?

AO NANG I originally had Ko Ngai in this slot but my speedboat tickets were cancelled, so I substituted Ao Nang beach in Krabi province. I'd been here before 10-12 years ago. At first, I booked 3 nights at the Centara Grand Beach Resort for 10,000 but after I found out it was only accessible by boat I cancelled the booking and changed to the Ao Nang Princeville Resort, about half the price and right across the street from the beach. My concern was that I may be temporarily stranded due to inclement weather and miss my first night on Ko Lipe, which was the most expensive resort I booked due to the pool access room. I still needed to arrange transportation to Pacbara Pier near Satun, a 4 hour journey, and the last boat to Ko Lipe was at 3:30 PM. The room at the Princeville was spacious and had a nice balcony and a huge TV for watching football. My whisky bottle is like an hour glass showing how much time I have left of this vacation. After showering, there was a knock at the door and I scrambled to put on a bath robe. The staff were at my door singing "Happy Birthday" with a decadent piece of chocolate cake. LOL. I had to lay down for a couple hours and couldn't eat for the rest of the day as I have difficulty digesting that much sugar. Fortunately, birthdays are only once a year. The town was empty. No chance of getting some Tex-Mex I felt so sorry for the few shopkeepers that were working, they were so happy to see me. I felt obligated to buy something so I bought a personalized passport holder for 100 baht. The beach was empty. The bars were closed I spent one day talking with travel agents to arrange my transportation to Satun, then went over to the Centera Grand Beach Resort, just to see what I was missing. The resort is only accessible by sea if you have luggage, but there's a path around the mountain and through the jungle called "The Monkey Trail" I wouldn't want to drag my luggage through this passageway. Finally, arrived at Phra Nang Beach in front of the Centara resort. The resort looked pretty nice It looked very good for kayaking if that's your thing. Next morning, my taxi arrived promptly at 7 AM. The Princeville Resort had prepared a box breakfast for me, two bananas, an orange, a croissant, a sandwich, orange juice, and water, and I arrived at Pacberra pier at 11 AM. There was an admission of 20 baht to the port and 200 baht for an entry ticket to Tarutao National Marine Park, good for five days. The boat was mostly full and after 30 minutes we stopped at Ko Karutao, an undeveloped island about 26 km long and 11 km wide. I wish I'd skipped Ao Nang and come here instead, taking minibus from Krabi airport and spending the night at Pacberra. There are very limited facilities on the island, all accommodations and restaurants are maintained by the park service. You can rent a tent for 150 baht. The 5th season of the television series Survivor was filmed here. Another hour and pull up the engines for another stop, this time Koh Khai, a small uninhibited island, for more photo opportunities. I just stayed on the boat. The Princeville was nice but I though Ao Nang was a waste of three days. NEXT: KO LIPE

I have Allen Edmonds, but I didn’t pack them so I couldn’t gain entry to the Seven Seas Restaurant for dinner, usually don’t bring dress shoes to the beach scene. I’ve had these shoes for 40 years, they never wear out. Allen Edmonds

Which one? The brown safari hat or the white one? http://www.panamahatmall.com

KO LANTA I originally booked a speedboat from Ko Phi Phi to Ko Lanta but this was cancelled due to the pandemic, so I changed my ticket to Klong Jilad Pier in Krabi. My Ko Lanta resort offered free transfer service from/to Krabi airport, quite impressive considering it's two hours. I contacted the resort and asked if they could pick me up at the pier instead and was informed this was possible for a fee of 650 baht. Since the airport was 30 minutes away by taxi, I would only save a few hundred and I was anxious to see this resort, which had received the most stellar online reviews I've ever read. My driver was waiting with a minibus when my ferry arrived at the pier about 11 AM for the two hour trip to Pimalai Resort and Spa. Ko Lanta consists of several islands, the largest being Ko Lanta Noi and Ko Lanta Yai, where all the tourist activity is. When people refer to "Ko Lanta", they usually mean Ko Lanta Yai, an island about 30 km long and 6 km wide. There's no bridge connecting the islands, so you have to queue up at the car ferry to cross the channel. ...UNLESS you're a guest at the Pimalai Resort and Spa, which operates a high-speed jetty. The boatman was prepared for my arrival and I was the only passenger. It took 5 minutes to cross the channel, should have brought my water skis. Another driver in a minivan was waiting on the other side for the final half-hour ride to the resort. I arrived just after 1 PM for an early check-in. Pimalai is a very popular resort for their sea view villas nestled in the mountainside with private pools, 120 square meters for a one-bedroom, starting around 10,000/night, or 20,000 for a 3-bedroom. I booked one of the cheap rooms. My room didn't even have a sea view, unless you looked through the trees. I lived in View Talay 6 for two years and refuse to pay extra for a sea view, it just isn't worth it to me. I walked to the private beach and enjoyed the sea view from there. I was the only person using the beach, except for the guy handing out towels, who brought me a glass of ice water every 20 minutes. That's the level of service you receive at this resort. Beach was clean but the sea was rough at first and I took a pounding, but 80 meters out was over my head and no more whitewater. There were two happy hours, drinks were 320++ or about 185 baht each during happy hours, the only time I drank. I can down a lot of mango daiquiris in two hours. Food was good but expensive. Ink jet pasta with clams, grated cheese on the side, 415++ Lamb kebabs, 495++ Breakfast was included with the room, and served up the mountain in the Seven Seas Restaurant. You were driven up in a golf cart from the lobby and had a choice of eggs Benedict. I opted for smoked salmon, and loaded up on the cheddar cheese. There were stunning views of Kantiang Bay from the restaurant. They served dinner but with a dress code and I didn't bring anything appropriate to wear, so I dined at the Rak Talay Beach restaurant. The hillside estate also featured the Infinity Pool. The beach side estate also had a pool but I swam in the sea. The resort has 121 units spread across 100 acres. The Spa had a 999 baht special, normally 2500. I thought about it but didn't pull the trigger. I left the property only once, because who can afford to eat at the Pimalai every day? I walked down the road for about 20 minutes until I found something open. It was the Drunken Sailors Coffeehouse I had the Calamari burger with fries for 190 baht Next morning a few hours before check-out, I was enjoying the great view at breakfast, thinking the three days couldn't have been any better, when the staff came over with a piece of cake and started singing "Happy Birthday". They must have noticed from my passport when I checked-in. It's these little things that make all the difference and how they treat you like you're special. I took their free transfer to Krabi airport and caught a 150 baht shuttle bus to Ao Nang. If you're looking for the perfect getaway, I strongly recommend the Pimalai Resort and Spa, but bring your wallet. They raised the rates for high season the day I checked out. Here are the current packages, only for Thai Residents. NEXT: AO NANG

I’ll include a cost report in the epilogue. We haven’t gotten to the expensive places yet.

KO PHI PHI A 45 minute speedboat ride from Phuket. Known as a party island for backpackers. I never had the desire to visit, not that I see anything wrong with young people having some fun. I just thought it would be too touristy, so now is the time to go! Booked the Harbour View Hotel, just 5 minutes from the pier, on the isthmus with the harbour in front and the beach in back. The best of both worlds. https://www.phiphi-harbourview.com/ Room was OK, nothing fancy. Beach in the rear was picturesque. They normally had a breakfast buffet, but only one other room was occupied when I checked in, so they served a set breakfast. They said I could have as many plates as I wanted but I only needed one. Best thing I liked about the hotel, other than the location, were the large pools. One was between the two buildings, with a wider, deeper one towards the beach. I enjoyed the deeper pool, 1.7 meters. The only bar open was the Beach Bar, fortunately in front of my hotel. I spent a lot of time watching the ships come in while sipping mango margaritas. You could put your feet in the water and get a free fish massage. Behind the pier was a maze of small streets with shops, almost everything was closed. ...except the starving artist There were two seafood restaurants on either side of the pier that seemed to be doing decent business, but they received the worst online reviews so I avoided them. Poor restaurants in good locations can survive if the don't rely on repeat business. Instead, I found a family-run Turkish restaurant, Efe Mediterranean, which offered a 20% covid discount, tasty lamb skewers were only 280 baht, served on a sizzling platter. The next day I went back for the mushroom pizza, only 200 baht. For seafood, I went to a whole-in-the-wall places called Ae's Fish BBQ and had a fried red snapper for 250 baht. I wanted to visit the Viewpoint for some pictures, so I found these stairs up the mountain and thought this was the way. There were some interesting bars back there but they were all closed. Turns out the stairs only led to some backpacker guest houses which were closed. Here you could get a dorm room for 200. ...with a shared bathroom. May as well just hang it over the side, guess the seats are for the ladies. Some decent views up there though. Eventually, I found the correct stairs to the Viewpoint. There was a guesthouse closed, but with employees there cleaning, and they sold me a bottle of water. I needed to rest and they had a nice view. ...then many more stairs to climb. Finally reached Viewpoint #1. There was a 30 baht entrance fee. There was a small park up there. Viewpoint #2 was another 500 meters up an incline. I'm disappointed the Google Fitness app didn't give me more heart points because I certainly exerted myself, I think there's a need for 3-dimentional GPS. Great view from up there. You can see my hotel in the middle of this picture Getting back was much easier. The next day was my two hour ferry ride to Klong Jilad Pier in Krabi for my pick-up to Pimalai Resort on Ko Lanta. NEXT: KO LANTA

I have nothing against tourists, used to be one 16 years ago, and I'd rather see people gainfully employed than standing in food lines. All I can do is add some domestic tourism to the mix, and there are some great travel deals at present. I would have made this trip regardless, maybe paid the same to stay at less upmarket accommodations. I thought about making all my arrangements on the fly, but can usually get better rates booking ahead, so that's what I did. My original itinerary included Ko Ngai, a tiny island only two km long and one km wide, with no roads (only footpaths), where locals get around by long tail boats. Unfortunately, three of my five speedboat tickets were cancelled due to the virus so I scrambled to substitute Ao Nang. In retrospect, I wish I'd opted for Ko Tarutua instead, an island I was considering anyway. Swampy was a breeze, arriving Phuket around 7 PM, had a taxi booked and waiting to take me to Patong. I purchased a deluxe ticket on Vietjet Air, so I could check some baggage, and they put me in a business class seat with plenty of legroom. PHUKET I stayed at Kudo Resort, right on the beach and a two minute walk from Soi Bangla. The room had two large screen TVs, mini-kitchen with microwave and coffee maker (4 cartridges included per day), and a free minibar that was restocked every day, including two cans of Singha Beer. https://www.kudophuket.com/ Mainly a place for the younger crowd, DJs played music at the pool until 11 PM and anyone could come use it for the price of a drink. Of course, there weren't many people around. The balcony featured a huge Jacuzzi, where I could dim the lights and bathe with my girl du jour (too shy for photos). There was no joiner fee. Some scenes from Patong Beach in the morning. I went out for breakfast but everything was closed. Ended up having the fixed set breakfast at the resort, for 500 baht, while I watched the World Series on my phone. This is too much food for me. I don't have a stomach, only intestines, and didn't eat anything the rest of the day. Savoey Seafood was open and across the street for the rest of my meals. They even offered a 10% covid discount despite not having competition. One kg for steamed crab was 800. Shrimp and asparagus with a Mai Tai Soi Bangla was empty with 90% of the bars closed, even a higher percentage of restaurants were closed. Crotch massage Over at Bangla Walking Street, nearly everything was closed except Suzy Wongs Gogo, which was pretty good, so I hung out there. There were about a dozen customers Saturday night hogging the best girls so I came back Sunday and there were only two other customers with the same 20 or so dancers, including four that danced nude. Mojitos were only 99 baht but lady drinks were 220. I bought one of the nude dancers, a wild blonde, a few lady drinks. She was wearing knickers off-stage, but quickly dropped them for the second drink and I sucked her titties and fingered her pussy while she grinded in my lap. I was worth the price of two lady drinks. My departure taxi didn't show but the lady at the front desk was very helpful in calling the company and eventually they sent one. I told the driver Chean Wanich Pier but he took me to Rassada Pier anyway. Fortunately, I arrived about ten minutes before my boat departed for Ko Phi Phi. There were 7 or 8 other passengers, all young Thais. NEXT: KO PHI PHI

Did anyone see Bunny Kanan (far right) at the recent Pattaya Bikini run? Photo courtesy Pattaya Mail. More of her on page 2.

It's not as expensive as the steakhouse in the JW Marriott.

A heads-up that El Goucho Argentinian Steakhouse on Soi 19 next to Terminal 21 has a weekday afternoon special 600 baht off on their fine steaks 1 pm until 5 pm. Here the 400g Striploin, add a baked potato with sour cream and bacon and a glass of Chilean red and the meal still comes to 2000 even with the discount. The building has a special place in my heart as I sagged a lot of girls there when it was City Lodge, there was an Italian restaurant on the ground floor back then, before Terminal 21 was constructed. https://th.elgaucho.asia/menus/