SOLOTREKKER

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008 Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted. Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks. Number 6 Some people are like a Slinky ....Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. Number 5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Number 4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism. Number 3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00? Number 2 In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. And The Number 1 Thought For 2008: We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration.

Thanks it gave me a laugh.

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil. 'Because I p!$$£d in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently. 'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise. 'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move' 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?' 'No, You had your chance. Lights out.' Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??' ' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!' Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....' 'WHAT!' 'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?' 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?' The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'' 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?' The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.' A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: 'The big sissy.' 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?' The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.' 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.' 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?' 7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....' His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?' The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.' 'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked 'Yes,' he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?' The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.' The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?' After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.' 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?' One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'' The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.' Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.' The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?' She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.' 10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?' Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.' The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?' 11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, 'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.' She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.' Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!

There were three Eskimos, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo. They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" he poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid. "Not bad" said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still. So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. "Wow, that's colder than mine!"said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, looked under three huge thick furs, and retrieved one of several small balls of ice there. He took one of the small balls of ice and put it in a spoon, and held a match under it. When it heated up enough it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT".

ITS A PUPPET, NO REALLY ITS A PUPPET

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist pig, you B*****d. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob. If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist. If you're not, you're not ambitious. If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around.

A.. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. A.. A day without sunshine is like..... night. A.. On the other hand, you have different fingers. A.. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory. A.. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. A.. Over 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. A.. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. A.. Honk if you love peace and quiet. A.. Remember, half the people you know are below average. A.. He who laughs last.... thinks slowest. A.. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. A.. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. A.. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. A.. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week. A.. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. A.. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. A.. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade! A.. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. A.. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it! A.. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. A.. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand. A.. OK, so what's the speed of dark? A.. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? A.. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. A.. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. A.. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. A.. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. A.. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? A.. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? A.. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. A.. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? A.. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. A.. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. A.. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? A.. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. A.. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off. A.. Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ES_Wn2XJTdM&feature=related

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. 4) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. 5) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. 6) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. 7) You never know where to look when eating a banana. 8) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. 9) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. 10) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.( ive made this a habit ) 11) It's impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. 12) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. 13) Old ladies can eat more than you think. 14) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. 15) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan. 16) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. 17) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Solo

http://www.biertijd.com/mediaplayer/flvpla...rue&fs=true

New Words for 2008 * SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person. * SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive person. * TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking bollocks. * BLAMESTORMING. Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. * SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and Then leaves. * ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. * SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die. * CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles. * PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.) * SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business". * SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate. * AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'. * PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. * ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes. * 404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located. * OH - NO SECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just Made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all'). * GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. * JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training. * MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from The outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing. * MONKEY BATH . A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!". * MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in. * MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10 Pinter in your bed instead. * BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise At 3:00am . * BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from. * BREAKING THE SEAL. Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night. * TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women. * PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's Got 4 buttocks. SOLO

SANTA'S STRESS When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to put it?' And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree...

Check out this driver in a supermarket. The trailer is only one of the 'short' 33' type too.

Nice to see and hear from you back on the board SK, Hope you are feeling better now, at least you look like your felling better. Be a good girl now!!.

When in Patts, I have eaten from the street stalls, I only eat Thai food when in Patts, the one ocaission I ate a 'western' meal, was in the Lobster Pot in WS some years ago, I had a dose of the toilet 2 step, ( never be more than 2 steps from a toilet), I never had any problems with local Thai food at all!, But then The TGs I was with chose all the places where we ate. You can buy Immodium from Boots in Pattaya if you need it. If you find that you have the desire to leave Patts, there is more touristy things to do than you will have time for, and Patts has quite a few travel shops around where you can arrange day or overnight trips. Have fun

Thanks for the info Terrenova, I am currently looking at my accomodation options for Apr/May 08 for 1 month, a Condo in Jomtien might be just be what I am looking for, rather than the 'suite' option I usually go for. Ive checked out the View Talay Condos (and Pics) on this board, and I am looking at the larger/largest 1 bed condos, they look really nice, I am also looking at the Rockhouse and the RG as an option, Ive stayed at the RG before but like a change every trip, and a Condo would be a first for me, so you may be getting an enquiry from me in Jan/Feb next year, Thanks. SOLO.

The TPVs have NO powers of arrest or detention, they were primarily set up to look for and catch Peadophiles operating in LOS, Since the Sunami, their role has been slightly increased, but acting as a go between with tourists and Thai police is also one of their roles, there are a few forums around that are asking questions about their use and now extended role, and one has ask the question how they see themselves, and what kind of motives they have for volunteering, I am sure that some are just 'civic' minded, but there must be few 'Wannabees' amongst them!!. Heres a news link http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/a...o&lpos=main

Thats the most healthy lookin 'stiff' Ive ever seen!, He could've worn a better shirt tho', but then stiffs have no fashion sense!!!, and who is the other guy in the bed, LOL.

If you Invest, buy or start a business ANYWHERE, you must be prepared to run the first year at a loss (and have a plan/finances to cover this loss) and plan just to break even in the second year, you will need this margin of 'safety' if you are serious, aside from the 'legal' and cultural aspects of doing this in LOS. Foreigners in the more traditional holiday spots like Spain, Italy and the Med, still fall foul of the 'Local' laws and culture, and inevitably end up going out of business or being ripped off, even if it was/has been arranged by a 'reputable' local lawyer!. My advice, if you havn't got a $/£ winning idea, with alot of backing, dont bother, unless you are prepared to lose what you have worked for. Starting a new, or buying an existing business in another country, or your own country, is a gamble, and you only gamble with what you are prepared to lose!!, right!!!.

OMG, them beavers have 'escaped', run!!, everybody, run for yer life, and dont forget to 'DUCK'. On a more sober and less beaver scaring, I think it take's about 24hrs for your registration to go through, keep tryin.

Another good one MM, thanks fer the laugh and the distraction.

Hi to both of you, and welcome to the Pattaya Party, , Dont be afraid to ask questions in the newbie section, its probably the only section you wont get flamed for asking questions, most of your the questions you will have, have already been answered, and some that you will never think about, so dont be afraid to ask them, some us dont mind re-answereing old questions for newcomers. Read about LOS, ( land of smiles) TGs ( Thai Girls), BGs (Bar Girls), read and ask away. By your flags it would appear that your already in the LOS,???. Welcome, SOLO

Looks like your developing a fan base SK. Hope you enjoy all the compliments and attention, You get a thumbs up from me too.

Thanks fer the laugh LOL!.

I examine myself every day, I check that I am still alive by looking in the mirror, "yep Im still ere". I take a deep breath, "Yep Im Healthy". I ask myself " So what you gonna do today?", I sometimes answer, "OK I'll check the FLB Board", I'll ask myself, " do I need a shave today", And sometimes answer, " Nah, I'll leave it for today"!!. Then I'll spend a few moments listening to the instructions that the 'voices' give me, then I'll go to mirror and and ask the guy there, " Am I sane?", and sometimes he will tell me I am, I'm sane of course Im sane, arent I??, Yea I'm as sane as the next guy!!, No not me I'm not nuts!!, Im as sane as you are, Arent I????. But the voices, those fucking voices, and who the fuck is ringin them fuckin bells all the fuckin time??, cant you hear them??, the bells, the fuckin bells!!!. Nah Not me I'm as sane as you are, aint I, and no I cant hear you because someone is whispering in my fuckin ear all the time, and all the time he's ringin a fuckin bell!!!. So I must be normal, Im sane, Im healthy, and I know I'm not a shirt liftin, gaylord poofter. I know this cause during my normal 25 sessions of masterbation each day, I dont think of men/boys or ladyboys, I think about Bells, fuckin Bells!!!. I examine myself every day, I check that I am still alive by looking in the mirror, "yep Im still ere". I take a deep breath, "Yep Im Healthy". I ask myself " So what you gonna do today?", I sometimes answer, "OK I'll check the FLB Board", I'll ask myself, " do I need a shave today", And sometimes answer, " Nah, I'll leave it for today"!!. Then I'll spend a few moments listening to the instructions that the 'voices' give me, then I'll go to mirror and and ask the guy there, " Am I sane?", and sometimes he will tell me I am, I'm sane of course Im sane, arent I??, Yea I'm as sane as the next guy!!, No not me I'm not nuts!!, Im as sane as you are, Arent I????. But the voices, those fucking voices, and who the fuck is ringin them fuckin bells all the fuckin time??, cant you hear them??, the bells, the fuckin bells!!!. Nah Not me I'm as sane as you are, aint I, and no I cant hear you because someone is whispering in my fuckin ear all the time, and all the time he's ringin a fuckin bell!!!. So I must be normal, Im sane, Im healthy, and I know I'm not a shirt liftin, gaylord poofter. I know this cause during my normal 25 sessions of masterbation each day, I dont think about men/boys or ladyboys, I think about Bells, fuckin Bells!!!...... LOL SOLO