pcdodger

TWO OLD MEN TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK; I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, 'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!' 'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?' 'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER' HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.' 'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE DICKENS WOULD YOU SAY THAT?' 'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'

So you have sampled my wife`s cooking

MYKL Your sense of humour is as bad as mine Lol

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. 'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?' 'No,' she replies. . . Wait for it. . She says: 'You just happened to catch my eye.'

An Irish priest is transferred to Texas Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: 'Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?' 'And the best of the day te yerself. This is Fadder O'Malley at St Brigid's. Dere's a jackass lyin dead on me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of da matter?' Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, 'Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!' Father O'Malley then replied: 'Aye, tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.'

Love it You are a brave guy or I assume you are a million miles from Anfield.

Thanks for the info, have just looked up the Air Asia webpage to check dates. This will be good for me as I`m near Stanstead. Also have worked out that will be able to book a "round robin" tickets and do stopovers in KL then Singapore then on to Bkk for about the same as a Thai economy flight to Bkk. Perhaps this will make Thai look at their prices.

Hope these are not repeats but good for a chuckle Let me know if you want more

QUOTE 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.' Sounds like something one of the Beach Road ladyboy`s might say

Posted at the risk of upsetting all you Arsenal fans, but, remember it can be any team you choose. A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Arsenal fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Arsenal fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?' 'Because I'm not a Arsenal fan,' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Arsenal fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I am a Man Utd fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Man Utd fan?' 'Because my mum is a Man Utd fan, and my dad is a Man Utd fan, so I'm a Man Utd fan too!' 'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Man Utd fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time.. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?' 'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Arsenal fan

Ear Infection................. This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it. An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor For today?' 'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ' 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said. The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.' The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.' The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??' 'There's something wrong with my ear', he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?' 'I can't piss out of it,' he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter Mess with seniors and you're going to Lose!

A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got one minute to get out!' The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you cunt! ................................................................................................... A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; 'Fuck off, you won't bring it back.' .................................................................................................... . I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected. One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'. Apparently 'my cock' is not an acceptable answer. .................................................................................................... I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance. So I pushed her over. .................................................................................................... . Why are women like clouds? eventually they piss off and its a really nice day .................................................................................................... My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead. .................................................................................................... . A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a KitKat Chunky?' The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him. 'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat idiot.' .................................................................................................... ..... I had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks. Bad minton.

Common sense says that you should always arrange a lift home after drinking and here is a light hearted clip that proves the point. Its a WMV file, hope it works

Have not flown with Jet to Thailand but used them a few times in India and found them to be very good. Hope this is of some help.

Another one in the same subject. There must be a joke to be had here about Carlesburg, any offers?