pcdodger

Beretta, agree with your sentiment and think we all must support our lads in khaki, they do a wonderful job on our behalf. You cannot speak of them in the same breath as footballers of any nation, let alone the ones you quote. Chalk and cheese young man, chalk and cheese

God said, 'Adam, I Want you to do Something for Me.' Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You Want me to do?' God said, 'Go down Into that valley.' Adam said, 'What's a Valley?' God explained it to Him. Then God said, 'Cross the river.' Adam said, 'What's a River?' God explained that To him, and then said, 'Go over to the hill....' Adam said, 'What is a Hill?' So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, 'On The other side of the Hill you will find a Cave.' Adam said, 'What's a Cave?' After God explained, He said, 'In the cave You will find a woman.' Adam said, 'What's a Woman?' So God explained That to him, too. Then, God said, 'I Want you to Reproduce.' Adam said, 'How do I do that?' God first said (under His breath), 'Geez.....' And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to Adam, as well. So, Adam goes down Into the valley, Across the river, and Over the hill, into the Cave, and finds the Woman. Then, in about five Minutes, he was back. God, His patience Wearing thin, said Angrily, 'What is it Now?' And Adam said.... * * (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!) * * * * * 'What's a headache?

Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had - an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's backside and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Sainsbury's. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

Pity you let on about the date. Bet there were a few Hammerites cringeing

West Ham will brave ridicule next season by wearing pink on their home shirts as part of a saucy new sponsorship deal with erotic retailers Ann Summers. The chain of high street stores, famed for sex toys and lingerie, are owned by David Gold, joint chairman of the Hammers. Chief executive of Ann Summers, Jacqueline Gold, said: 'I am extremely happy with the cheeky pink addition to the claret and blue. Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/...l#ixzz0sF2aZzw5 And a nickname change as well, from the Hammers to the Pussy`s

Now now Villa Does that include your boy Heskey?

Nice one

You leave Arry where he is, thanks very much

Now they are all at it

The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning. As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores. As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine. One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived. 'Hello...Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!' For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?' Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, singing; “ ENGLAND FOR THE WORLD CUP” Snow White fell to her knees and prayed, 'Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive.

You are probably right, although I hope not. For some reason Capello wants to play Shrek and his Donkey as his strike force, add to that the mistakes and lacklustre performances from players who are so much better than their displays and I despair. Sad to say, unless there are radical changes for Wednesday, we are out.

Yes, especially if Blatter was the target

Can we please swap goalies?

Here is a current Airsafe list and the site link which sets the lists out in nice easy to read boxes, Interesting reading http://www.airsafe.com/ Aeroflot is an airline that I never would risk let alone the service angle. High incident rate. Fatal Events and Fatal Event Rates of Selected Airlines in Europe Since 1970 Europe Airline Rate Flights FLE* Events Last Aer Lingus/Aer Lingus Commuter 0.00 1.20M 0.00 0 - Air France/Air France Europe 0.72 5.90M 4.23 8 2009 Alitalia 0.73 3.90M 2.83 3 1990 Atlasjet UNK UNK 1.0 1 2007 Austrian Airlines 0.00 0.75M 0.00 0 - Braathens*** 0.65 1.35M 0.88 1 1972 British Airways+ 0.17 8.27M 1.40 3 1985 British Midland Airways 0.39 1.03M 0.40 1 1989 easyJet+ 0.00 0.76M 0.00 0 - Finnair 0.00 1.70M 0.00 0 - Former Soviet Union UNK UNK 24.70 31 2008(2) Iberia 0.80 4.50M 3.60 4 1985 Icelandair 0.00 0.39M 0.00 0 - Lufthansa/Condor 0.22 7.30M 1.62 4 1993(2) KLM/KLM Cityhopper 0.81 2.40M 1.94 3 1994 Olympic Airways/Olympic Aviation 1.52 1.80M 2.73 3 1989 Sabena*** 0.00 1.60M 0.00 0 - SAS 0.19 5.40M 1.00 2 2001 Spanair UNK UNK 1.00 0.9 2008 Swiss/Swissair/Crossair*** 1.20 3.20M 3.83 5 2001 TAP Air Portugal 0.94 0.85M 0.80 1 1977 Turkish Airlines+ 3.60 2.10M 7.56 10 2009 Virgin Atlantic+ 0.00 0.15M 0.00 0 -

Jesus Christ, this guy is fucking barmy

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she lets out a fart. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.. Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional salesman in a store like Tiffany's, and greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?' Feeling uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?' He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to crap yourself when I tell you the price!'

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon ......... You got nice house."

This happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock story, it's true. John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. No cars were travelling that night. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stop. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!! The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed him. Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road. So, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to the pub. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he wasn't drunk. Suddenly the door opened and two other people walked in from the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford shaking at the bar, one said to the other.... 'Look Paddy...there's that feckin' idiot that got in the car while we were pushin' it.

They do have regular sales, provided you are signed up for their Red Alert you should get advance warning. V Good low cost airline

Nice one My opinion of this pratt`s garbage is well documented

Thanks farman for feedback. Good to know their cheap rates dont mean a bad flight

This guy has got verbal diarrhea, also spelled diarrhoea, but they both stink

Groan, more sanctimonious sermons on their way

Looks like a young Jeremy Clarkson