pcdodger

THE BBC HAVE SAID THAT BLACKS ARE NOT REPRESENTED ENOUGH ON TV SO THEY'RE PUTTING CRIMEWATCH ON TWICE A WEEK.

Hi I dont think this photo is a fake, I have a whole set of these that include the wedding group and a few before and afters that a mate sent me. I dont propose, sorry no pun, to post the others in the set, but if anyone wants to see them PM me an email addy.

Thanks for the info. I was going to post a comedy sequence that wouldnt work as Jpeg, but thanks for your trouble. Dodger

Subject: Priceless Joe walked into a doctor's office to seek relief of a non-stop headache he had had for 20 years. After examining him the doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a mens clothing store and thought, “That's what I need – a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed,”That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let'ssee..size 36." Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache." New suit = $400 New shirt = $ 36 New underwear = $ 60 Second opinion PRICELESS

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration. 'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles... 'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.' The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.

Your wish is my command Friendlyric So very sorry, I had no idea that you knew the lady, I trust your wife did not get too upset at the unauthorised use of her picture.

Brings tears to your eyes

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Yellow Lab turned to the Chocolate Lab and said, “so why are you here?' The Chocolate Lab replied, 'I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed.' The Yellow Lab said, 'So what is the vet going to do?' 'Gonna cut my nuts off,' came the reply from the Chocolate Lab. ‘They reckon it'll calm me down.' The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked 'why are you here?' The Black Lab said, 'I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch.' 'So what are they going to do to you?' the Yellow Lab inquired. 'Looks like I'm losing my nuts too', the dejected Black Lab said. The Black Lab then turned to the Yellow Lab and asked, 'Why are you here?' 'I'm a humper,' the Yellow Lab said. 'I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, and fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away'. The Black and the Chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, 'so, its nuts off for you too, huh?' The Yellow Lab said, 'No, I'm here to Get My Nails Clipped.

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The thin one leaned over and Said, 'Life is so darned boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off And streak through that stupid flower show!' 'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10 bill. The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, Completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) Through the front door of the flower show. ! ; Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The smiling and naked Old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd. 'What happened?' asked her waiting friend. 'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement.'

Help please I find that I am unable to post a Microsoft Power Point file to the board. Is this type of file not supported on the system or is it an admin or moderator thing?

True so true, love it PS did you translate the last line???? Remember Salman Rushdie Tee hee

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin , orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; It would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America , the other in Australia and I'm here in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.' The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars' in the bar notice and fall silen When he comes back to the bar for the second round the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then the light dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no,' he says, 'Everyone is fine. It's me........I've quit drinking!' Apologies if a repeat

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet,' she replied.

A guy met a stunning girl in a bar and after a few drinks took her back to his hotel. They were lying in bed in his hotel room, when the chap felt her hand begin to fondle him in ways she hadn't done before. It almost tickled as her fingers started at his neck, and then began moving down past the small of his back. She then caressed his shoulders and neck, slowly worked her hand down over his chest, stopping just over his lower stomach. She then proceeded to place her hand on his left inner arm, caressed past the side of his chest again, working down his side, passed gently over his buttock and down his leg to his calf. Then, she proceeded up his inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of his leg. She continued in the same manner on his right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As he had become quite aroused by this caressing, he asked in a loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' I found my phone,' she mumbled.

Real FOOTBALL!!!!! As someone who has American relatives I must reopen this. A game where the ball hardly ever touches the foot cannot be called real football. The only game that can be called football with any degree of relevance and indeed reverence is the original beautiful game that you call soccer. I await the flaming [ but you know I am right ]

Working OK here [uK] now

Nice one

Havn`t seen this before on a post, I await correction, sure as hell it`s going to upset someone. MM if you think this type of post is "off topic" for the funnies board please let me know and I will desist. Alternatively, if you approve wmv type posts I will keep adding. Cheers [b52] ?

Already posted here:http://www.pattayatalk.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=39953 Thanks Tanaki I looked through the posts but didnt scan through all the replys to other posts, thats how I missed it.

Thanks, hope this meets with your approval and, again not already posted

Comiserations, thats a crap thing to happen to you. I hope that this being posted will prevent other BM`s being caught out. I know it is too late now but pity you didnt insist on using a credit card, at least you would have had some help getting your cash back. Any company that will not accept a card is a worry if you dont know their record or even looking for an alternative agent irrespective of ticket cost. Although this post will be of little comfort to you, and respectably I am not being clever in posting it, I just hope that the other BM`s in Pattaya will spread the word and hit this bastard in the pocket.

Hope this isn`t posted somewhere else

There seems to be more emphasis on investigating an MP for a leak than getting the thugs off our streets The OP has got it right!