Bagwan

Can he take yours?

Five Thais get on a motor bike as routine. I even have a picture of guy riding a bike carrying a dead buffalo.

Remarks that have no currency with me coming from somebody from a country that doesn't know right from wrong. You'd know all about corruption and accepting it wouldn't you? Fiddling a Presidential election, corporate corruption on a big scale, giving out false intelligence so that you don't have to invade countries with oil without reasonable cause all on your own, Government lobbying scandals, bent Vice Pres. ect ect Great for an American to tell me not to pick battles in Asia. Ha ha. Forgotten about Vietnam already have we? You're not too popular in PI or Japan either. I live here, it's

I agree that newbies who don't know the score shouldn't take the piss. However, I have lived here for a number of years, have a Thai family and, this is relevant, a 5 year driving licence. With one of these the BIB know you are in the picture and can cause trouble for them. Thailand doesn't want any more problems to cloud the picture in attracting tourists. Another mention in the UK Press at this time is to be avoided at all costs. I merely spoke to them in Thai and when they replied, also in Thai, muttered, " Mai khow jai". If that isn't taking the piss I don't know what is. I was steadfa

On my way up country to see my in-laws I was stopped by BIB and asked to contribute 200 baht to their beer fund. I refused and after 5 minutes, most of which was spent me taking the piss, they allowed me to continue my journey. Do not in any circumstances give money to these scum unless you accept that you have indeed broken some law. In doing so you perpetuate the problem, by not doing so it will hopefully die out

Sorry, I do feel for you but your experience with Uzbeck had me in hysterics. Many years ago flew back with BA, then BOAC, from Jo'burg to LHR on a VC10 (remember them?), stopping at Entebbe. Because of apartheid non whites couldn't or wouldn't fly SAA so there were many dusky faces. After Entebbe the tinted persons who had just boarded (more than a touch of Arab there) sat on the cabin floor, fired up a primus stove and brewed tea until cabin staff intervened. Always flew SAA or KLM to and from Jo'burg after that. Flying from Atlanta to Savannah with Delta I asked for a G&T after

Today I took my lady's Nissan NV to the wonderfully conveniently sited Drivers Centre to pay the Road Tax and for the vehicle to be examined at the Test Centre opposite. (It's just had it's 7th birthday) The test consisted of a young lad taking the frame and engine ID, presumably checked against the info they already had, and me paying 150 baht. Period. No checking of all the ball joints, emissions, headlight focus, wheel alignment, brakes, lights, indicators, condition of load bearing components or floor pan. Back to the Centre, waited 2 minutes, paid 600 baht and collected the necessary.

I am far from stupid but I am 'something'. Did you not notice the avatar? Did it not tell you that my reply was light hearted? I cannot recollect ever mentioning my boat before. Since it offends you, I won't mention it again, period.

Some time ago now but passport, two passport photographs, medical chit, clearance from Immigration, house book, UK driving licence. I think that was it. Was shown pics of double yellows and asked if I knew what they meant. Pointed out that we invented them. Had to take written multiple answer test, pass mark 25, have as many goes as you like. Had questions like can a monk have a driving licence, can you drive a tracked armoured vehicle on Thai roads! Who cares? More Thai lunacy. I got 24 and then 23 before I decided that I had better things to do. Early the following morning I turned up aga

Dream on bro. No free lunches in Thailand.

Using an ATM card issued by a local bank requires thought if you have miserly inclinations. You can draw cash anywhere but will be charged 20-23 baht per transaction if the machine is from another bank. Similarly if you bank in Pattaya and use an ATM belonging to that bank in say Rayong, your bank will charge you for getting YOUR money back. As a resident I use my UK credit cards for big bills here and get a very good conversion rate. Some try to inflict a 3% service charge but I always refuse to pay it stating that it is without the terms of their contract with Visa/Mastercard. All banki

If they held a referendum I'm sure that the overwhelming majority would like us Brits to come back and run the country for them. The place has gone downhill since we left. The curse of Africa is tribalism, a non event if capable foreigners run the country. We're pretty tribal ourselves. I don't want someone in Viena telling me what to do. How about importing a few Mongolians to help us out? Ooops They're already there.

You bargain with the speed boat guy. He'll ask about 1500 but 1000 will get you a ride but this will vary acccording to numbers. They will pick you up for return at a designated time but you know what Thais are like about time. I own a speed boat and keep it at the boatyard under Royal Cliff. Some of the hire boats I have seen there are positively unsafe. Check for life jackets before starting out especially for ones kiddy size. Take your own food. Rip off stalls want 100 for chicken and rice and they pay commission to boat drivers.

If there is any it will be karaoke bars so earplugs are required. They won't be up to much and will be patronised by Thais who may be less than welcoming. Sattahip is about 15 minutes by road, well the way I drive it is. A few bars in Banchang but full of scrubbers and you might find getting it up a problem unless you put a bag over their heads. In the other direction is Ban Saray where a good few younger 'amateurs' are available.

When was the last time you were here? No traffic? Get real. Crossing 2nd Road or Beach Road is extremely hazardous - and 3rd Road, Pattaya Nua, Pattaya Klang, Pattaya Tai and Naklua Road are close behind. Ever tried crossing Sukhumvit? Air pollution on 2nd Road is at danger level. No pollution? Street cleaning doesn't keep pace, stench from the drains invasive, untreated effluent discharged into the sea, garbage trucks leave a trail behind them ect ect. The pavements are a disgrace, parking always a problem. Little or no money has been spent on improving and enhancing public utilities and y

I could have a whale of a time in London for that money. But who wants to screw whales? Or Wales?

Debating whether to come in June or November? Assume you will be mass debating until one of those dates :-)

I was merely making the point that if the label on your raiment is that important to you maybe you should reconsider your take on life. I prefer to endorse substance rather than appearance.

Not only does it have a beach, it has many sons of beaches.

I didn't come to Thailand to bang fine ladies. I came to escape politically correct UK, sponging immigrants who are always moaning despite receiving more from the state than poor native souls who have contributed, crime, drunkeness and disorder on the streets, excessive taxation and the nanny state. In return I got a cheap cost of living, an equable climate, instant affordable medical attention, excellent golf and fishing, much amusement at the machinations of Thai politics and a wife straight out of my wildest dreams.

Right on. The moonlighting driver gets two days pay in his sky rocket. They never refuse. A 'mafia' taxi trip from Don Muang to Suk used to cost 300 baht - should be about 100 on a meter. Whether you have the energy or interest to walk to the road lugging your baggage is another matter. My first trip here overnighted in BKK to get over the trip and acclimatise. Too knackered to hire a lovely at inflated BKK prices. I recommend.

All food intake is fattening, period. No ifs, no buts. Thai diets may well be less fattening than Western foods but if your calorie intake is more than the calories you burn off, you put on weight. A low calorie diet, say 2000 calories per day for an adult male will slim you down but you still need to exercise to regain body tone. A calorie deficit of 3000 gives a weight loss of 1 lb avoirdupois. A pint of Bass Best Bitter (what memories!) gives an intake of 200 calories. What the calorific value of the tasteless icy gnats piss that the brewing industry has foisted on us is I couldn't say.

Thai motorist meets the airlines. Best GIF I've seen for years.

The little darlings going to Isan would I think catch a bus passing through Korat by a direct route. These buses start/terminate by Loxinfo office on 3rd Road (goes to Ubon) or the Esso garage immediately north of the top of Pattaya Klang on Sukhumvit (goes to Udon and Nong Khai). There is a direct route to Mukdahan from the Pattaya Nua terminal.

About 45 foot long, Yamaha 500 6 cylinder engine, wood construction, carries 10 passengers, in calm sea good for about 25 knots. Cost me 280,000 baht. Same same as the pirates offering trips round the bay or to Koh Larn from off Pattaya or Jomtien beaches use. If you want a picture send me an E-mail address.