Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

Opened and Closed in 2005: The 12-months from January to December last year must rank as the most frenetic in terms of bars opening and closing, with the result being a net increase in the number of places offering booze and women for sale, despite the overt desire of the governing bodies here to chart a course towards making Pattaya a so-called ‘family’ destination.

 

Walking Street, not surprisingly, retains its mantle as the premier nightclub area in town. At the beginning of 2001, just five years ago, there were 43 chrome pole palaces spread the length of Pattaya-Jomtien. Of these, 19 were in Walking Street. Now the number has ballooned to 66 with a whopping 42 on and around Walking Street.

 

In 2005 alone the numbers of dens in the premier night area increased by 11 with Babewatch, Beavers, Catz, Circus, Club Boesche, Coyotee’s, Shark Club, Super Model, Teasers, Windmill, and X-Zone kicking off brand new while Club Electric Blue was revamped, Amazon was sold and became VIP Club, and the Roof re-named New Player. Bentley’s and Champagne were the only two new dens to take a chance in the tough market away from Walking Street, the former opening on Second Road, not far from Soi 9, and the latter opening in the dog-leg soi off Soi Diana.

 

The closures included Folies Pigalle (Walking Street) and the original Nui’s (Soi 15), the former because it was rubbish and the latter because the building it occupied is up for sale. 2XS and Dynamite self-destructed in gender-confused Pattayaland Soi 1. Wild West Girls became Wild West Boys in Pattayaland Soi 2 and Hot & Cold II and Stringfellows (both in Soi Yamato) shut up shop. In much-troubled Soi Zero, X-Ray faded away. In Naklua, the Kitten’s ogling den was sold and re-named 1969.

 

The BEST of the Year that Was: With 42 ogling dens on and around Walking Street -I don’t include the two employing eastern European dancers- the task of deciding which one deserves to be rated as the very best is nigh on impossible. With salaries for dancers and show girls in an upward spiral, many of the virtually self employed ‘star’ turns move about between dens on a regular basis. Some places manage to hang on to four or five of their best girls for months at a time; others seem to be on a roller-coaster with a great collection one month and an almost empty bar the next. Consistency is the name of the game and the chrome pole palaces that seem able to achieve this are places such as Beach Club, Carousel, Club Electric Blue, Coyotee’s, Diamond, Happy, Heaven Above, Living Dolls, Living Dolls Showcase, Peppermint, Super Baby, Super Girl, and What’s Up. It’s notable that all of the above, with the exception of Super Baby and Super Girl, have some kind of happy hour or discount on selected libations while at the same time virtually cornering the market when it comes to the best available talent in town.

 

Lick Till it Hurts: The management of the Coyotee’s chrome pole palace (Soi Marina Plaza) have come up with a novel and definitely very successful new show item. Once a week (OK, I’ll tell you: it’s on a Thursday night starting around 11:00PM), a dozen young ladies compete in what I can only describe as the let's-be-friends lick-off. Employing the use of their tongues for their second-favourite exercise after eating, all 12 of the tunnel rats take to the stage and begin their show. As one song ends a pair of damsels come off stage until, after a half hour or so, there’s just one couple left writhing in sweat and saliva as the ultimate victors. There is prize money involved and this increases with each succeeding team, so there is a real incentive to perform.

 

Down from On High: One of the biggest dens in terms of overall size on Walking Street is Club Electric Blue and in past times management have had dancing maidens scattered between two main stages and a couple of tables downstairs to a stage upstairs and parts in between. A recent change has seen all the dancers being concentrated downstairs which gives the place a more vibrant feel and this seems to be satisfying to most customers. Next door, the Hooty’s flashing palace is still infamous for its risqué shows involving damsels of very little modesty. As with most places, the den runs a happy hour between 7:30 and 9:00PM with house liver wasters at just 45 baht.

 

Very Idiotic Prices: The former Amazon ogling den (Walking Street) was sold a few months back and in its place is the Thai-run VIP Club. According to one of my more reliable spies the place doesn’t have draught amber fluid (no crime in that of course) but the bottled version of the same runs to 130 baht. The dancing maidens are in bra tops and shorts, so nothing there to entice the standard Pattaya pervert through the portals. With better places offering better deals and more flashing flesh it’s hard to see any reason to be bothered with the joint. Will it Work?

 

The ownership of the FLB lounge lizard libation room (Walking Street) have instituted a ‘don’t ask for lady drinks’ policy with their staff. Of course, the hope is that regular customers and new faces will purchase a drink for a lady if she has spent a little time chatting away and making the right kind of comments (“oh, you so handsome”; “I love you long time”; “I’ll bet you’re hung like a nuclear fallout victim”) and if they are pleased with her company. Since FLB tends to be an ex-pat boozer and most ex-pats are immune to the “buy me dlink” importuning, this is probably a sensible move. After all, most ex-pats will purchase a drink for a damsel if they fancy her or if she has been patient enough (yes, I know, hardly a Thai trait) to wait and be asked. It’s all part of the Great Game (21st century version; although the British, Russians and some Indians are still involved) as we know it’s not the drink it’s the remuneration involved that is the motivating factor. Let’s hope the new approach works well for all concerned.

 

Attitude is Everything: Chatting to a number of old Pattaya hands as well as some newer faces there seems to be increasing disappointment from all sides regarding the overall quality and, more importantly, attitude of the damsels plying the world’s so-called oldest profession on the uneven streets of Fun Town. One young guy told me he first visited two or three years ago and even in such a short time has noticed a hardening in the attitude and approach of many of the girls, especially those working in the better quality ogling dens. I’m told many damsels are now refusing to don their street apparel to accompany beaver-struck punters back to their abode for less than 2,000 baht; some go as high as 3,000 baht and further.

 

One person I know can’t believe the change in attitude. He’s been coming here for half a dozen or so years, after previously spending much time in Cuba. There he said it was the Italians who spoiled it for the rest: paying more and more money as the damsels offered less and less. What’s significant about his statement is that he is a multi-millionaire (and not just in baht), so 2-3,000 baht is really a drop in the financial ocean as far as he’s concerned. Yet, like others I know who are not short of a baht, they refuse to be gouged by avaricious damsels or bar owners. It’s probably one reason why they do have so much moolah. A combination of familiarity (on the part of the foreigner) and large sums of easy money (on the part of the better-looking working girls) has led to a stand-off in some cases, and I’ve noticed how many guys are now starting to refuse to pay the silly sums being asked by former rice growers and buffalo herders.

 

Mind you, in my opinion the town has never seen so many good-looking damsels hugging chrome poles, serving amber fluid and wandering the streets with no obvious means of gainful employment. Already, the average chrome pole molester (and many beer boozer damsels as well) is over-priced as far as their horizontal folk dancing services are concerned. In Australia, for example, an hour of mattress dancing with a lady of dubious repute in a house designed for these services costs, so I’m told, around AUD$200 (6,000 baht). A plate of a standard Thai dish in a Thai restaurant in Sydney runs, at best, to AUD$10 (600 baht; though most places charge more than this). That means each hide-the-salami activity is the equivalent of 20 dishes. Yet, here in Pattaya, a damsel may ask as much as 2,000 baht (generally it seems to be 1,500 baht) for a short time of physical embracing. The average Thai dish in town runs between 20 and 30 baht. So, taking the more expensive food option (30 baht) and the least pricey for a bonk (1,500 baht) we come up with the equivalent of 50 dishes. Still think it’s a good deal??

 

Piece of Pith: ‘If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.’ Dorothy Parker