MONKEYWATCH - December 2006

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and a Cool Yule to one and all. Right, let’s see what Santa’s got in his sack (or should that be sac?)

 

The Deputy Mayor of Pattaya announced at a meeting a couple of weeks ago that 85 CCTVs had been installed around the city in an effort to combat crime. Big Buddha is watching you.

 

Thailand's Ministry of Culture is issuing a regulation prohibiting female students aged under 20 from becoming Coyote Girls. Nice to see they’re tackling the real issues facing the country head on.

 

In a proud moment for the city, local dignitaries this week revealed that Pattaya has been chosen for the launch of Thailand’s first attempt to break into the supercar market.

 

 

There’s been a few comments made about the Climax Bar having a guy sitting outside the bog and charging the outrageous sum of five baht before you can go in and take a leak. Guess they figure that piss taking is a two-way street. Let that be a warning unto ye.

 

Representatives from the Cambodian government have been visiting Pattaya as they plan to use the city as a model for tourism back in their country. On announcement of this news, shares in chrome pole manufacturing companies were said to have hit an all-time high.

 

Construction of Pattaya’s first ever rollercoaster was abandoned last weekend after it was discovered that the construction workers didn’t know the difference between metres and millimetres.

 

 

A signwriting company were also in hot water after misspelling signs made for a meeting of the Asia Paediatric Society at a well-known Pattaya hotel. The error was apparently discovered when two delegates were caught trying to persuade the maids to dress up as schoolgirls.

 

The wonderful Pattaya Mail has done it again, with a fascinating story about a Thai guy caught stealing women’s underwear from washing lines, published under the heading “Police Briefs”. So now we know what’s going on under those uniforms. Always thought they walked a bit funny.

 

Speaking of which, the new Chief of Police had just announced that he was going to get tough on crime when it was reported that a Deputy Police’s Chief’s car had been broken into while he was attending a police party. Good start, dude.

 

He won’t be too pleased about this vandal attack on the Pattaya Swiss Cheese Monument either.

 

 

Tourists who were worried about reports of an oil slick hitting Pattaya Bay have been assured that the story isn’t true and that Tony Blair has no plans to visit the area.

 

A message for the guy who was asking if anybody knew how he could avoid paying the 1000 baht joiner fee at his hotel. Simple. Either spend your whole holiday wanking or stay somewhere else.

 

Finally, a word of advice. If you don’t want anybody to know you’ve spent the night with a fat bar girl, don’t offer to give her a lift home.

 

 

A parting thought. If you kill something with six legs, are you guilty of insecticide?

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[hairloss 0]

Loved that report, certainly put a smile om my dial.

 

[neilcu 0]

Very good

[LordFlash 45]

Thanks for cheering up my Saturday at work!

[Big Pete 0]

Thanks for letting me rember what I have been missing. Thought it was the girls.

[MM 6,562]

This is the news and insight you just can't find in the local papers.

[kev0184 12]

hehehe great write up, and i thought satire was dead.

[kunjon 1]

Once again.... someone who cuts to the chase.

[Babepecker 0]

A refreshing angle, as ever - tnx.

 

 

[Braveheart 0]

Another great installment, I look forward to next months.

[dotcom_OD 0]

I was wondering when you would post your unusual headlines again..thank you for a different angle on things in LOS.

[don_dadda 0]

OMG that was fucking hilarious

[jballstate 326]

I owe you a drink. Laughed my ass off. Hope you will update the news on a regular basis.

[nus01 305]

 

very very good