Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

Off the Drip: The better boozers stretched along the ‘English Patient', otherwise known as Soi Buakhow, seem to be generally doing quite well even though high season has yet to kick in. With a couple of mates in tow I spent a few hours exploring three of the gogos located on and about the soi.

The first place we visited was Champagne in Soi LK Metro. It was reasonably busy with quite good music, although it had the standard cheap amber draught (45 baht) while anything else was reaching gouge level. There were about 20 chrome pole huggers cavorting about the place; four or five rated a second look.

 

After Champagne we walked a few metres further into the soi and went into the Memories gogo. My first thought was this was going to be dreadful, but instead we were pleasantly surprised. The music was OK and most of the damsels were friendly and smiling. Considering there were only 14 dancers rostered on we all agreed there were between five and seven for whom we could quite easily have been enticed into purchasing a small condominium. On a per capita basis this makes Memories rate as one of the best dens in Fun Town. Libations were well priced at 80 baht for liver wasters, 60 baht for lolly water, 50 baht for draught amber and 90 baht for lady drinks.

 

We ended our little reconnaissance at the relatively new Paradise chrome pole den, right on Soi Buakhow. Libations here were priced between those of Memories and Champagne and, like the former, the damsels were a generally friendly crew. There were approximately 16 dancers, a number of whom have definitely been around since Pattaya was last visited by the US Seventh Fleet. We stayed for a few cultural shows and especially enjoyed the dual-dancer ablution performance that involved a shower head, water, soap suds, a couple of unshaven beavers and a pair of pink towels.

 

The consensus at the conclusion of our foray rated Memories on top, just ahead of Paradise.

 

Head ‘Em Up, Move ‘Em Out: On Sunday night 26 November the Coyotee's gogo (Soi Marina Plaza, off Walking Street) held a dance contest with 18,000 baht in prize money. A total of 16 girls, divided into three groups, competed for the 10,000 baht first place money. There were 10 girls from Coyotee's, two from the Diamond chrome pole palace (Soi Diamond) and four damsels who made the trek from the highly-acclaimed Long Gun and Rawhide gogos of Soi Cowboy in Bangkok.

 

The management of Coyotee's tell me they had been negotiating with these two Bangkok dens for some time in the hope of enticing some of their best girls to compete in a Pattaya dance competition. Certainly the long wait was well worth the effort as the four-girl team not only had great bodies but knew how to cavort about a chrome-poled stage to brilliant effect.

 

The field of 16 was reduced by half for the third and final round and it was no surprise the five judges included all four of the Long Gun and Rawhide dancers in the line-up, as well as one of the two Diamond girls. In the finish, two Coyotee's dancers, Khun Amm and Khun Fern, picked up the 3,000 and 5,000 baht prizes for coming third and second respectively while Khun Apple from Long Gun snared the thick end of the prize. In a way it was a pity there was only one winner as all 16 contestants were excellent; I'm glad I didn't have to involve myself in the judging process.

 

There are plans to reprise this style of contest, possibly some time in January, and if you are here then you shouldn't be disappointed if you make the effort to attend. I might add that in between the three rounds of the dance contest, which kicked off around 11:00PM, the Coyotee's showgirls performed and there's no doubt in my mind their nightly gash-gobbling show is one of the best in Fun Town.

 

Bags Under The Eyes: Fun Town has yet another late night boogie barn. Appropriately named Insomnia, the ear-drum splitters palace opened for business on Friday night 24 November on what was the site of the very short-lived Players, in Soi Marina Plaza, just around the corner from the Coyotee's gogo. The place features the now almost standard clutch of especially employed dancers in denim jean shorts and skimpy tops and is open until sparrow fart.

 

No Time for Recess: Congratulations are in order for the Classroom gogo (Pattayaland Soi 2) that celebrated 13 years in business on 1 December. I remember going in back in the mid-1990s when it kicked off as a single shophouse, but it used to be packed most nights and the schoolgirl uniform theme was a hit with most punters, especially retired vicars and ex-London councillors. Mr Scot (“I'm still waiting for my turn to get beamed up”) has been at the helm of the meeting and greeting duties in the Classroom since the beginning, making him one of the longest-serving managers in Pattaya.

 

Finger in Another Hole: Big Andy, he of the re-opened Club Electric Blue Jnr gogo (Soi Diamond), has joined forces with the management of the ever-improving Windmill gash-gobblers den, and opened a show bar appropriately called Tramps, located upstairs next to Windmill. Regulars might recall this as the site of the Tiger's hide-the-Heineken-bottle den. This went to its demise about three years ago, but the ghosts of slime-pits past have been resurrected and once again the den reverberates to the sounds of whips a-cracking and boots a-stomping.

 

Even Don Quixote Would be Impressed: In the famous story of Don Quixote by Manuel Cervantes, the eponymous hero comes upon a plain filled with 30 or 40 windmills and decides they are giants who should be challenged and vanquished. I have no idea what Don Quixote was smoking (or ingesting). Anyway, the Windmill gash-gobbling den (Soi Diamond) may only be small in terms of size but it's getting a giant and deserved reputation among the amateur gynaecologists of Fun Town for its almost non-stop dedication to the art of beaver munching.

 

The lighting is brighter, the seating arrangements have been greatly improved, and there are plenty of damsels of all shapes and sizes performing a variety of acrobatic feats about the place. Perhaps the most pleasing aspect of the den is the friendliness of the dancers: this is a joint where ‘attitude' is not tolerated and therefore makes for a fun experience for all concerned.

 

Although this column is posted on various websites particular to Pattaya, I rarely have the time or inclination to go surfing these wonders of Internet communication, so the following is probably ‘old hat’ to some of you. Apparently there was a falling out between the management of the Secrets lounge lizard libation room (Soi 14) and the New Living Dolls ogling den (Walking Street) and the Wednesday nights where free draught amber fluid was offered to Secrets members in the latter den has ceased. Of course a vacuum rarely remains in place for too long in Fun Town and into the breach has stepped the FLB lounge lizard libation room (Walking Street) with Monday nights between 8:00 and 9:30PM featuring as the new time for members of the FLB website to partake of a few tumblers of free draught amber nectar in New Living Dolls.

 

Nice but not too Naughty: I wandered into Naughty Girls gogo (Soi Diamond) as I thought it was time I went back in for a look. My initial feeling was I wasn't going to be in for a good time. The music was OK -car alarm but at least listenable- and there were plenty of chrome pole huggers on stage and scattered around the joint. I ordered a drink and one minute I was quietly sitting watching the standard shuffle thinking I was going to be subjected to the ‘my guano doesn't stink cold shoulder' and the next I had a couple of young ladies accosting me with the usual “What you name, where you come from?” line, but without the added, “buy me dlink?” Even when it was clear I wasn't going to be taking any damsel out of the den for a quick etching inspection, they still remained friendly and chatty. A show involving a pair of young ladies supplied with bananas was done with fun and by the time I was ready to leave I thought the den has certainly improved in quantum fashion in recent times. The draught amber is 55 baht with house liver wasters at 100 baht, so at least the pricing policy is generally in line with most similar establishments. It mightn't be the best in town, but it's definitely worth a drink or two.

 

Nice but not too Taboo: The fairly new Taboo gogo (Soi 16, Covent Garden Complex) will be having a party to celebrate its first couple of months of operation on Thursday night 21 December, starting around 8:00PM. The happy hour will continue as usual until 10:00PM and free food will be on offer for customers.

The den is taking time to find its niche in the marketplace with a bevy of underdressed gyrating dancers sharing table space with a few fetchingly-attired ‘coyote' damsels. I quite like the overall ambience of the place. Those who recall its previous incarnation as Babewatch will remember the concrete bunker-like emplacement that doubled as a dancing stage and completely dominated the room. It has been blasted into oblivion and the new layout is far more stylish, but the added space makes the place one of the larger dens in town and consequently tougher to fill.

 

Nice but not Really Aussie: The Aussie-run Boxing Roo beer boozer (Third Road, opposite Soi LK) will be holding a San Miguel Amber Fluid party on Thursday evening 21 December. There'll be the usual free nosh as well as San Miguel froth at 40 baht a glass and entertainment by a Filipino band.

 

Piece of Pith: Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.