MONKEYWATCH - August 2007

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to more tales from the land of wallies and vomit.

 

We begin with the unusual story of the Welshman who died at Llandough Hospital in Wales just weeks after being stung by a scorpion in a Thai jungle. The moral of this story is that you’re safer in a Thai jungle than a British hospital. And none of the newspapers reported the scorpion’s side of the story either. Typical media bias.

 

The police have finally owned up to the fact that they’ve got absolutely no way of stopping freelancers from congregating on Beach Road, and have admitted that they’ve run out of ideas. An interesting turn of phrase, as they only had one idea to start with. Nevertheless, the new Tourist Police Chief has vowed to continue his crusade to rid the streets of people who flout the law, so it sounds like we’ll be seeing a lot less police patrols around town in the future.

 

The boys in brown haven’t been having the best of months, as they’ve also been criticised by the Pattaya Business and Tourism Association for being powerless to prevent the continual theft of electricity cables, which has resulted in everybody else being powerless as well. The thefts are believed to have been masterminded by an asthmatic Rumanian known to local villains as Vlad The Inhaler. Police enquiries are continuing.

 

Obviously concerned by the levels of traffic pollution in Pattaya, City Hall are attempting to encourage the public to use more environmentally friendly modes of transport with the opening of the first parking bay for spacehoppers.

 

 

A chef was arrested at Bali Hai Port the other week for allegedly taking photographs up the skirts of female passers by. The arresting officer was apparently unimpressed with his excuse that he was just looking up some old acquaintances.

 

Another bit of peculiar behaviour involved a Russian bloke who was arrested in Mike Shopping Mall after he was seen stuffing a woman’s swimsuit down the front of his trousers. His explanation that he was doing an impromptu Tom Jones impersonation was not well received at the police station, where he was ordered to pay the store 10 times the value of the item to secure his release.

 

The Russian tourist invasion of Pattaya continues unabated, with the arrival this week of the first of a new fleet of Moscow-based luxury coaches.

 

 

Yet more rampant criminality was evident on Walking Street a few days ago when the Prince Tailor Shop was broken into and goods reckoned to be worth 100,000 baht were stolen. Makes you wonder what the thieves are going to do with 10,000 suits.

 

On the entertainment front, Wet ‘n Wild A Go Go is to close down, which surprised many people, mainly because they weren’t aware it had opened in the first place. And Nui’s Club 2 has been given a facelift. Pity they didn’t get the girls done at the same time.

 

This month’s strange tale is the tale of a strange tail, concerning thieves at Nong Nooch Tropical Garden who stole the tail hairs of a particularly distinguished elephant. These can reputedly be sold at a huge profit in certain Asian countries where they are believed to be able to cure a variety of illnesses, and are often woven into bracelets and rings. However, should you be offered any items of this sort, be warned that there are many fakes on the market, most of which have been fashioned from baht bus drivers’ bum hairs.

 

The problem of illegal parking on Beach Road is finally being tackled with the appointment of the area’s very own traffic warden.

 

 

And finally, in a surprise announcement on Wednesday, Pattaya Council spokesman Mr Yuslas Sakkashit declared that henceforth all bars will be permitted to open 24 hours a day and lewd shows will no longer be prohibited. He then sang three choruses of ‘We Are The Champions’ and was sick in a bucket.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[cumberlandsausage 0]

Top banana-as usual!!

[nohlsson1 19]

Another great post monkeyman.

[ballbag 2]

great fun

[Sailfast 503]

[cannonball83204 78]

Simply love your style and your comedic way. By the way can anybody tell me why I can't see the pics you posted? IPB images? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated as I have this problem all the time.