old timerisms

[shamasdog 1]

As John Steinbeck once said:

 

 

 

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is to old to fight, he'll just kill you.

 

 

 

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

 

 

 

3. I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy. (Gotta love this one!!)

 

 

 

4. America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. (Ain't this the truth?)

 

 

 

5. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away. (Yep, shoot first, then call 911)

 

 

 

6. A reporter did a human interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognize the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him "Why do carry a 45?". The Ranger responded with, "Because they don't make a .46."

 

 

 

7. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

 

 

 

8. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?" "NO Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle."

[nohlsson1 19]

Great post shamasdog. My favorites had to be numbers 1 and 3.

Edited January 4, 2008 by nohlsson1

[dogblower 3]

5, 6 and 8 were my favorites from this list.

[digavich 0]

Number 4 I think.

[Mescalito 19]

What a coincidence. My brother's father-in-law just sent me these:

 

 

1. It's not whether you win or lose, but where you place the blame.

 

 

2. You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

 

 

3. We have enough youth.

How about a fountain of "smart"?

 

 

4. When you work here, you can name your own salary.

I named mine, "Skinny".

 

 

5. Smith & Wesson:The original point and click interface

 

 

6. A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.

 

 

7. When blonds have more fun do they know it?

 

 

8. Five days a week my body is a temple.

The other two it's an amusement park.

 

 

9. Learn from your parents' mistakes:

Use birth control.

 

 

10. Money isn't everything. But it keeps the kids in touch.

 

 

11. Don't Drink and Drive

You might hit a bump and spill something.

 

 

12. If at first you don't succeed, your skydiving is over.

 

 

13. Reality is only an illusion caused by a deficiency of alcohol.

 

 

14. "Time's fun when you're having flies."

-- Kermit the Frog

 

 

15. We are born naked, wet and hungry.

Then things get worse.

 

 

16. Red meat is not bad for you

Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

 

 

17. Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

 

 

18. One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.

 

 

19. Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.