Nightmarch - Sept 1, 2008

[MM 6,562]

Mid-week Birthday Bash: The owner of the Sweethearts ogling den (Walking Street; right next door to the long-running Roo boozer) will be celebrating his birthday on Wednesday 3 September. The den kicks off around 8:00PM and there will be free nosh available for early comers. The den offers draught amber fluid at 45 baht with lady drinks at 95 baht. Bar fines are on the low side at 400 baht and there are about 20-25 dames of the chrome pole on show most nights, although there’s nary a stray nipple in sight.

 

A Year Already: Time in the vortex we call Fun Town seems to be driven by some kind of universal particle accelerator and I can’t believe I’m penning the fact the Sisterz ogling den (Walking Street) will be celebrating its first anniversary on Thursday night 4 September. It seems only yesterday the news of the demise of the long-established Honey den was being announced. Naturally, to celebrate this milestone there will be a raft of coloured balloons inflated for a brief period of life while the management put on a party for well wishers.

[Night-March]

THAT’S THE STYLE: The Sisterz ogling den (Walking Street) will be celebrating a year in business in early September; this is a good example of why it appears to be doing well. (Photo by DAK)

The Limbo dance contest that had been slated for 21 August had to be post-poned due to the illness of one of the owners; I’m told it had nothing to do with his back. Presumably it will make a re-appearance on the party agenda at a later date.

Come in Spinner: This is an idea that reminds me of the great party strip game ‘spin the bottle’. The Club Boesche ogling den (Soi 16, off Walking Street) recently went through a slump in regards to the numbers and quality of its dancing damsels. As is typical of the nightlife scene the slump was part of a cycle and a solid recruitment drive in the wilds of Issan has seen numbers grow to about 40. Quite a few of these are very easy on the eye, and in a couple of cases the only thing left to the imagination is the size and shape of a dancer’s big toe.

Management have also introduced a unique customer-friendly method of providing bar fines. When a testosterone-charged punter offers to take a wallet emptier from the drudgery of dancing and carousing back to his place for a spot of horizontal folk dancing, the standard bar fine in Club Boesche is 600 baht. As a promotional tool a serving wench should appear with what looks like a miniature ouija board. On it are eight numbers and an arrow. The customer gets to spin the wheel (of fortune) and has a one in eight chance of scoring either a free bar fine or a half price of 300 baht. As well there are two other reduced amounts: 400 baht and 500 baht. The other four amounts are the full price of 600 baht. So, every customer gets a 50 percent chance of a reduction in the bar fine. A great idea and I understand it’s been very well received.

Welcome Return to Form: After losing its way for a while the Windmill Club ogling den (Soi Diamond) has returned to something like its former glory. One of the most difficult exercises for any operator in Fun Town is to try and successfully run more than one outlet. I don’t know how many times I’ve watched a variety of quite savvy owners try a bit of empire building and clone their prime successful venture and expand into a second or even a third or fourth establishment. For a variety of reasons these extra appendages usually prove to be far too much effort for the overall return, and once an owner takes his eyes off the strobes in his primary den the usual result is a downturn in quality and efficiency. The owner of Windmill Club, after going down the expansion road for a time, has reduced his interests to his initial venture and this has resulted in the place regaining much of its previous vibe.

A Long Way to the Top: How it continues to remain open is a surprise to me as the Honey Club ogling den (Soi 11, or Soi Honey Inn as it’s better known) is one of those off-the-beaten-track places lacking any real attraction. My guess is that it might be a bit of a ‘local’ for the owner and a group of friends, with the odd stray customer wandering in off the mean streets. On my most recent visit there were about eight to 10 dancers, most of a decidedly well-fed girth. Happy hour offers draught amber at 65 baht; not sure that gets too many people excited.

Appropriately Named: I have a friend who thinks the Hot & Cold ogling den (Soi Post Office) is the worst example of the art in Fun Town. He doesn’t get out enough, because I can assure him there are far worse. That said, the name of this long-established place is appropriate because it really does run ‘hot’ and ‘cold’. One night the place has all the ambience of a cold storage; another night and it’s a case of hang on to your bits. The joint opens in the early afternoon and goes until about 3:00AM most nights. There are usually about 20 or more dancing damsels and it’s rare to find any who would be classed as top-shelf; most have a pretty obvious striation in the lower shelf, indicating a healthy child-bearing ability. The mamasan looks like a danger to shipping; she’d make a Sumo champion look like an anorexic.

The libations are reasonably priced: ly water just 60 baht, and lady drinks are among the cheapest of any placeinside or outside- in town at just 80 baht. No customer is left to fend for himself; within a minute there are usually a couple of fondlers jockeying for position and hoping to arouse you to the point you’ll take advantage of the lying-in facilities upstairs: all-in for 1,300 baht.

Light Fingers on the Buses: While the following technically has nothing directly to do with the night entertainment scene, I consider it important to make as many people aware of what is becoming, or may have already become, a serious problem on the well-worn tourist streets of Pattaya. There are around 700 songthaews (better known as baht buses) plying the streets of the city and they have always been a great way of getting around. Approximately two to three years ago there were a spate of robberies taking place on the buses with gangs generally consisting of a couple of females - one usually holding a baby- and a gender-confused cross dresser attempting to pick the pockets of unsuspecting travellers. There was usually another accomplice following the baht bus on a motorbike to assist in making a fast getaway. Although there were press reports about arrests being made it looks as though the pickpocket brigade are well and truly out and about and making complete nuisances of themselves. Over the last couple of months at least three people I know have been relieved of their wallets while on a baht bus, usually while riding along Soi Buakhow. I have heard numerous stories from others about people they know who have been robbed in this fashion so, based on empiric evidence alone, I don’t think I’m over-exaggerating things by saying we have a real light-fingered epidemic in Fun Town. So, be warned: keep your hands off the trouser snake and firmly on your wallet when riding the baht buses.

Food on the Run: The Neeroys bog-standard noshery (Soi Chaiyapoom) is one joint doing alright despite the overall business downturn in Pattaya. Catering to a local market and offering stomach fillers at very reasonable prices, it’s no wonder the place is pretty busy most nights. The 99-baht fish-and-chips remains one of the best value meals in the city.

The Lek sleeping palace (Second Road) buffet is another that really is great value for money. The dinner buffet retails with all you can shove into your stomach for just 180 baht, including standard Thai nosh as well as Western items such as fish and chicken fillets, spaghetti, beef sirloin steaks, various desserts, fruit, coffee, and tea. The breakfast buffet at 110 baht is also well worth the money.

Around the Traps: The Soi Buakhow area, especially around Soi Lengkee, Soi Chaiyapoom, Soi Diana, and Soi LK Metro, has well and truly established itself as a major nightlife centre. The Club Oasis ogling den, on the corner with Soi Chaiyapoom, does the kind of business many other operators only dream about. Further along Soi Buakhow the Club Blu gyrating coyote boozer, on the corner of Soi LK Metro, appears to have a strong regular clientele. In Soi LK Metro itself, the Champagne chrome pole palace is another with a solid following; the fairly new Ice coyote joint, modelled on pretty much the same lines as the nearby Club Blu, looks to be still finding its feet, or should that be ‘boots’?

Seguing slightly from the intended theme of this item, I’m told most of the dancing damsels in the coyote joints are earning so much money from wages, libations, tips, and overseas sponsors that they demand anywhere from 2,000 to 5,000 baht for a short-time organ recital. Very few will agree to spend a whole night with most customers. As a mamasan was recently overheard to say to a customer in an ogling den, “these girls won’t work, they’re getting too much money.”

Down in Soi Nervous-Clinic (formerly Soi Yamato) a place called the 77 boozer has opened just down the street (towards Second Road) from the Stringfellows cocks-in-frocks den. From the outside it appears to be an ogling den. There were a couple of bikinied ladies of expanding waistline at the feed trough when I stuck my head in and a boy-who-would-be-a-girl trying to entice me further inside. With a couple of pool tables 77 Bar appears to be more an air-conditioned beer boozer.

Piece of (Aging) Pith: Once you’re over 50: Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

 

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