MONKEYWATCH - December 2008

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, Merry Christmas and welcome as we speak to you from our bunker 500 feet below Bali Hai Pier as we watch events in the Land Of Smiles unfold.

 

The biggest news of the month is that tourist arrivals to Bangkok airports dropped by an unseasonably large 100 per cent recently, even more than expected following the crackdown on Soi 6. This did not, of course, have any effect on tourism as for every tourist who couldn’t get into Thailand there was another who couldn’t get out. However, if you’re still apprehensive about making your next trip, we’ve heard that there are some great deals to be had on flights to Mumbai at the moment.

 

Early in the week, police were called to Kow Mai Geow sub-district to investigate the corpse of a woman who had fallen head first into an open sewer. One of the attending officers suggested that the woman should be interred, to which a representative from the local sanitation department replied that she already was (think about it).

 

Following the repossession of all the trees on Beach Road as reported in Monkeywatch last month, the council has now purchased a mobile tree that can be hired and wheeled to the location of your choice…

 

 

Bar news includes the opening of Club Mirage in the old Shooters premises on Soi Diamond and the relocation of Insomnia to Walking Street. Good reports seem to be emanating from both establishments. There also seems to be a move from blue light to red light in Soi LK Metro as former Club Blu clone Ice Bar has covered its windows and turned into a Go Go.

 

The astronomers among you may be interested in the phenomenon that was witnessed in Pattaya on Monday night, when the alignment of Venus and Jupiter caused an effect resembling a smiling face. If you were on holiday in Pattaya and missed it, don’t worry, as it will occur again in 2052 so you should have another chance to see it before your flight home arrives.

 

This week also saw the start of the Pattaya worm-hunting season…

 

 

Police were called on Sunday night after a bomb was found outside a shop on Soi Kow Noi 5. The device was defused by a visiting bomb disposal expert from Mumbai, a Mr ‘Boom’ Singh, who found a note attached to it addressed to the People’s Alliance for Democracy. Not sure what the note said but it probably wasn’t “Have a nice day”.

 

Thai Environment Day was celebrated in Pattaya on December 4. Over 300 people took part in a bicycle ride, during which they collected rubbish from streets all around the city. Council workers are now clearing up 2000 beer cans, 1500 burger boxes and 500 gallons of urine left over from the party held to celebrate the event’s success.

 

Pattaya once again leads the way with the launch of the world’s first disabled surfboard…

 

 

All hell broke loose on Pattayaland 2 last week when a lost monkey ran through several shops and started slinging all the goods around. It eventually disappeared into a shoe shop and hasn’t been seen since. When questioned, shop owners said they hadn’t bothered reporting the incident as the monkey had behaved better than most of their customers.

 

Finally, December 5 was of course the 81st birthday of His Majesty the King. To date, nobody has made any jokes about this… and we ain’t gonna be the first. Long live the King.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Rick1079 0]

Thanks for the update LOL

[kev0184 12]

ah another report that brings a smile to my face, owe you a few beers in the flb for the great writings.

[LordFlash 45]

As always, a great satire on this town we love!

 

Cheers!

LF

[Samsonite 181]

"...The device was defused by a visiting bomb disposal expert from Mumbai, a Mr ‘Boom’ Singh,..."

 

 

Thanks!

[Scottie 5]

Hi

Missed last report.Good to see it again.Very enjoyable

Scottie

[nohlsson1 19]

Another great report to make me smile on this dreary day.