Groan(ers)

[BigusDicus 9,902]

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

 

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

 

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

 

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

 

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says "A beer please, and one for the road."

 

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this

taste funny to you?"

 

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"Well, It's Not Unusual."

 

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," says Dolly.

"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

 

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing

to look at either.

 

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

 

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I

couldn't find any.

 

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

 

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

 

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

 

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

 

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

 

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

 

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

 

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

 

21. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[mykl 72]

[N3RGT 118]

Some good ones there bigusdicus.It's so difficult getting responses in the funnies section and you deserve one for that selection !

[pattaya_mad 208]

two cows stood in a field, one of them says moo..the other one says fuck me I was just gonna say that

[Bruce Mangosteen 535]

A sandwich walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

 

A brain walks into a bar. Bartender says, "I'm not serving you! You're out of your skull already!"

 

A tangled piece of string walks into a bar. It's unraveled and scraggly at one end. Bartender asks. "Say, aren't you a piece of string?" The string replies, "No, afraid not."

 

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

 

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

 

Giraffe walks into a bar and shouts, "Highballs are on me!"

 

A guy walks into a bar. His friend ducks.

[BigusDicus 9,902]

A guy walks into a bar. His friend ducks.