Man Test

[BigusDicus 9,883]

MAN TEST

 

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a

queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and

have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing

the Oprah diet...Faggot.

 

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer--

it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate

touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just

think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your

ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat....'Bun-bun,

come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer.

 

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such

nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on

BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or

tits.

Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

 

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a

parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is

his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

 

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as

Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy

Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man

there too..

 

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four

different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might

as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory

space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out

chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other

than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.

 

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to

tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at

a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he

needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold

his beer.

[SmellyFarang 57]

Sulu approves!