wordsmithing

[BigusDicus 9,881]

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

 

 

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

 

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

 

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

 

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

 

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

 

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

 

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

 

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person who doesn't get it.

 

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

 

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

 

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

 

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

 

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

 

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

 

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

 

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

 

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

 

 

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

 

 

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

 

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

 

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

 

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

 

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

 

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

 

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

 

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

 

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

 

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

 

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

 

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

 

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

 

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms

 

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

 

16. Circumvent, n . An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

[joekicker 53]

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

 

It's weird to me why people would take an amusing list like this and then put a totally bogus credit on it. There is no such thing as the "The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational".

 

This is a compilation from all over and from many years. Some of them I haven't seen before, could be very new. "Cashtration" dates from 1998 (in the Washington Post, at that) but there are items here that would never be published in the Post even if there was such a contest as this "The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational".

 

Good fun, Bigus, don't get me wrong. But what's wrong with being accurate and factual as well, eh?

 

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[BigusDicus 9,881]

Point taken Joe.

 

Did a quick cut n paste job from an email I received. Just too lazy to check it out, did not seem important.

[digavich 0]

Pretty funny anyway. A couple of them made me laugh out loud, especially (for some reason) number 15.

 

Here's one I made up on the spot.

 

Amerikanism: The expanation offered by a man called Merik, for his general ignorance of anything occuring beyond the town

limits, (also) To not understand anything that does'nt eat the same food as you.

 

All in fun Bigus, all in fun

[joekicker 53]

Did a quick cut n paste job from an email I received. Just too lazy to check it out, did not seem important.

 

Just for the record, I didn't mean you, but the person who put this together and then put a fake heading on it? Why do that? Why not just say, "here's my collection of word play and puns, enjoy"? Why go to the trouble of making up something like that?

 

I appreciate you passed it along, very cute and all.

 

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