Pattaya Hospital

[m62man 0]

Actual writings in The Bangkok Pattaya Hospital Register

 

1. The patient refused autopsy.

 

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

 

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

 

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

 

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night..

 

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

 

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

 

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

 

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

 

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

 

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

 

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

 

13. She is numb from her toes down.

 

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

 

15. The skin was moist and dry.

 

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

 

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

 

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

 

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

 

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

 

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

 

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

 

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

 

24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

 

25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

 

26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

 

27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

[Bazle 1,428]

You missed out these:

 

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

 

Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

 

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

 

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

 

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

 

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

 

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

 

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

 

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

 

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

 

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

 

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

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