A few more "Non Politically Correct" funnies

[N3RGT 118]

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its

considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man

its £2.50/min (charges may vary).

 

 

 

 

 

Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with

a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was

a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".

 

 

 

 

 

Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day for me and the wife.

Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.

 

 

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she

fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then.

God, I love my new Taser!

 

 

 

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown

with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.

 

 

 

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from

tins of ham then delete it. It’s Spam.

 

 

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if

I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3

months is going to shift this beer belly.

 

 

When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream

and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.

 

 

News flashes:

1. Now on sale at IKEA – beds for lesbians: no nuts or

screwing involved, it’s all tongue and groove.

 

 

2. A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say

it’s definitely race related.

 

 

3. Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths

have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.

 

 

4. I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my

interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.

 

 

5. The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin

was anally raped by a gay genie on stage last night - to be

fair the audience did try to warn him.

Edited October 11, 2012 by N3RGT

[danboy 151]

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown

with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.

 

[zyphur 31]

Some damn funny stuff there...

[Evil Penevil 7,628]

Really enjoyed those. Will have to remember the race related starter pistol and Jack Russell jokes.

 

Evil

[jballstate 326]

[atlas2 4,329]

 

 

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown

with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.

 

5. The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin

was anally raped by a gay genie on stage last night - to be

fair the audience did try to warn him.

 

I heard that they shut down last years Christmas Panto in Bradford... "Jack and the Beanstalk" because the giant couldn't smell anyone.