Monkeywatch - May 2013

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for paying us another visit, and welcome to our latest look at the stories that really matter. Well, we don’t have any of those so here’s the usual guff.

 

The Beach Road widening scheme is continuing apace, and we now have lots of nice artist’s impressions of how it will all look when its finished. Don’t know who the artist is, but one would imagine that he’s a surrealist.

 

Some folks have been expressing concern about visiting Thailand and surrounding areas after the recent performances of Nuke Seoul Brother by Fatboy Kim in North Korea. Our advice is to take no notice. After all, when has a blowhard with a stupid haircut ever been a serious threat to anybody? Oh, hang on a minute…

 

A local roast pork vendor has been praised for his honesty after finding a lost bag containing 206,000 baht and returning it to its owner. The man said he found the satchel containing 90,000 baht in cash and a cheque for 106,000 baht on his way home from work and contacted the police, who managed to locate the owner. Nice to know there’s still honest people about. Or so we thought until we did our arithmetic.

 

Scams in Pattaya have reached a new high with thieves now putting up fake ATM kiosks…

 

 

There was yet another conflagration in Pattaya the other weekend, this time in the shape of a newly opened lift factory which burned to the ground. Guess the place is maximum capacity no persons now.

 

An unusual outbreak of violence took place in Jomtien the other Thursday when two male elephants fought to the death over a female in a local Elephant Park. A worker at the park said it was a shame that an area which had once attracted a nice class of elephant now had to tolerate these sort of mindless scum. The dead elephant later had its tusks removed as it’s supposed to bring good luck – especially to whoever manages to sneak them out the back door.

 

A Thai man was spotted on CCTV a couple of weekends ago emptying the money from a donation box in front of the King Taksin The Great shrine on Beach Road. It was initially thought that the man might have been a religious official, but the fact that he arrived at 11pm, used bolt cutters to open the box and then urinated on the promenade has led some commentators to speculate that this may not in fact have been the case.

 

Well that’s cleared that up…

 

 

Time for this month’s bar news, and we start with the closures of Club Relaxxx (again) and Papa A Go Go (again), both of which have made more comebacks than Frank Sinatra so don’t write them off just yet. It’s Halo goodbye with the demise of said establishment, and Far East Rock has also closed, but only for renovations. Club Blu has yet to reopen despite its closure order expiring the week before last, and the word is that it’s about to be sold. Angelwitch is set to expand into Soi LK Metro, though it’ll presumably be a new place as it’s unlikely that the existing one could expand quite that far. And we now have a real Coconut Bar on Soi 6, which may be just in time as Beach Road is rapidly becoming the No Coconut Bar thanks to the road-widening scheme.

 

A group of 30 Korean tourists were involved in a speedboat accident off Koh Larn last week, resulting in 18 injuries. This follows a similar incident not long ago involving 472 Chinese tourists. Police are thinking about investigating.

 

Speaking of which, another investigation is under way after a small group of 30 Chinese tourists on a trip to Koh Larn were admitted to hospital after suddenly being taken ill following a visit to a local restaurant. Food poisoning is suspected, as several of the tourists had earlier complained about finding pieces of beef in their rat chow mein.

 

Another traditional British pastime finds its way to Pattaya – the pub quiz…

 

 

Police raided some commercial premises in South Pattaya the other Monday and confiscated five slot machines. They told the owner that the machines contravened anti-gambling laws as they gave players the chance to win money. However, the man claimed the machines were perfectly legal as nobody had ever won a single baht from any of them. The police accepted his argument but no one likes a smartarse so they arrested him for fraud instead.

 

And if that wasn’t enough, a fairground on Third Road was also raided by police last Monday after reports that certain stalls were allowing patrons to win cuddly toys in exchange for money. Critics of the raid said that stunts like this would just drive cuddly toy dealers underground.

 

Reports that a South Pattaya disco is attracting racist elements have been strenuously denied by the owners. This was confirmed by several patrons of the establishment, one of whom told us “Me and my mates have been in there every night this week and we didn’t notice any racists. Just a load of ragheads and schvartzers”.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[short]

The routines in the Walking Street Angel Witch sucks compared against the Nana Angel Witch and both have been going down hill. I suspect they don't pay enough to keep well trained girls and so they are having to use simple quick to learn routines. They may not survive in Soi Metro.

[sexybaaman]

Thanks! Always a pleasure to read the Monkeywatch to stay updated from far away... :-)

Keep up the excellent work.

SBM

Edited May 6, 2013 by sexybaaman

[teelack]

Thanks for taking the time. Always a good read and summary of whats happening in Pattaya.