Letter from an Irish Mother to her Son!

[BigusDicus 9,831]

Close to four decades ago I made my first trip to Hong Kong on business. At some point I went out with associates to some kind of supper club for dinner. There was a very good English comedian who performed. Told a lot of very funny "Irish jokes". I realized that the British joked about the Irish just as we Americans were beginning at the time to joke about the Polish.

 

It was a wonderful trip for me. First trip to the Fare East. On business, paying with the corporate American Express. Tokyo, Hong Kong, Sydney, with a stop in Fiji for a week long vacation on the way back.

 

Met and fell in love with a girl of Chinese and Scottish ethnicity. One of the most beautiful women I have ever seen to this day! Flew her to Fiji....

 

 

 

 

Letter from an Irish Mother to her Son!

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this
letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing
very well.

You won't recognize the house when you get home - we have moved. Your
dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles
from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address
because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers
when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure

it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the
chain and haven't seen them since

Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him.
He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if
it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an
uncle.

Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short

while and they've already made him a court martial!

Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin
Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them
off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the
fire.

I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his
bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The
doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten
minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for
three days and then for four days Monday was so windy one of the
chickens laid the same egg four times.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on
your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it
would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut
them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday.. We were really worried
because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was
driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two
friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the
tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Your loving Mum.

P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.

[brotherbuzz 3,196]

Thanks for posting that, a tad disappointed it ended.

[Chang_paarp 253]

A great old one, have not seen the full version for years. It still makes me smile.

 

Thanks for posting it.

[atlas2 4,329]

Great stuff.
I heard about the Irish judge at the skating championships.

One of the competitors comes out and immediately falls on his arse. He gets up and carries on but falls another 3 times. The music stops the crowd are silent and all the scores are held up

 

0 0 0 0 0 0 zeros all and then a 10 from the Irish judge!! The other judges turn on him in consternation and demand, "How can you give that man a 10?"

"Well" says paddy….."You know 'tis very slippery out there"

Edited November 29, 2014 by atlas2

[greenhorn 7]

So windy the chicken laid the same egg four times..... must be the west coast of Ireland...

[DrPat 418]

Good work!

 

One of my favourite Irish jokes is:

 

How do you sink an Irish submarine?

 

…knock on the door.