Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered

[gs joe]

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be Immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And they tell us to exercise?

I don't think so.

 

 

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

 

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

 

 

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and All-bran.

 

 

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

 

 

5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. Oh did I say that already?

 

 

6. If all is not lost, then where the hell is it?

 

 

7. It was a whole lot easier to get older than it was to get wiser.

 

 

8. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

 

 

9. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.

 

 

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

 

 

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

 

 

12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

 

 

13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

 

 

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

 

 

15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

 

 

16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . they're everywhere.

 

 

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

 

 

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter .. . .

I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

 

 

19. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

 

 

20. Have I posted this before ?

 

 

Joe

[ZARIS]

Fantastic!

 

I am going to print it out.

[atlas2]

Me too.

[MeGoDanceNow]

The good thing about being absent-minded is that on Easter morning, you can hide your own Easter eggs.

 

Remember that one for next year.

[dv34917]

The "Here after" comment reminded me of dating advice I heard on New York radio years ago:

 

Listen, sweetheart, if you're not here after what I'm here after, then you're going to be here after I'm gone!