Monkeywatch - February 2024

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for staying in touch, and welcome to another sneak peek at the latest goings on (or off as the case may be.)

Pattaya police have been issuing leaflets to Chinese tourists warning them of online scams. Suppose they’re on about things like advertising Pattaya as a great place for families where they won’t get shot at by gangs or drowned on ferries. Now who would fall for a scam like that?

A beach on Koh Larn has been given a major clean up following a rash of complaints about foul smells, flies and litter. This has outraged the Chinese ambassador who described it as a blatant racial slur. Can’t imagine what he meant.

A social media video featuring sex on Pattaya beach has caused outrage in some quarters as it “damages the image of Pattaya as a family tourist destination.” Quite right too. That sort of disgusting behaviour should be confined to more appropriate places – like Go Go bars. And if that wasn’t enough, Pattaya beach was in the news again this month following the installation of outdoor public showers on Beach Road with the promise of three more such facilities along the length of the beach. Sex in public? Showering in public? Are they trying to put the Go Go’s out of business?

The Pattaya International Kite Festival that started last Thursday on Central Beach hasn’t quite lived up to expectations…

 

The Tourist Police have been busy training Walking Street security guards on how to conduct themselves in their dealings with the public. Suppose they could give them some tips on how to beat up customers without leaving any marks.

A popular feature of Pattaya is the variety of traditional English pubs such as the Pig & Whistle, the Punch & Judy and the King’s Arse. That last one was meant to be called the King’s Arms but the owner unfortunately employed a Thai sign writer who didn’t know his Arms from his anus. This also led to the pub closing down the day after it opened as the owner was arrested for lese majeste and was never seen or heard of again. Silly bugger.

A Thai bloke had to enlist the help of local emergency medical services after a ring he’d slid onto his dick became stuck and cut off his circulation. That must have been one hell of a wedding ceremony. Wonder where the bride put her ring? You see, this is one of the advantages of being Japanese (probably the only one.) A Japanese chap would never have this problem. He’d still be looking round trying to find out where the ring dropped off.

First we had underground car parks, now we have underground curry parks…

 

Bar news now, and Slutz on LK Metro is the latest Go Go to go (go) down the crapper. However, it seems to have reappeared on Soi Boomerang. The Las Vegas Bar Complex on Soi Diana is due to open on March 1 though they may be hard pressed to meet the deadline. Let’s wait and see. And we can’t finish without mentioning that this month marks exactly 10 years since the final demise of FLB Bar. God bless her and all who sailed in her.

People often say that it’s dangerous to stand under a tree during a lightning storm. Well a Thai fellow in Sri Racha was observed doing just that for quite a while and absolutely nothing happened to him. Mind you, the three blokes standing next to him were all killed.

Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream as we revisit the haunts of the past through the eyes of Monkeywatch in February 2014…

“Here’s a new idea for Pattaya – tribute bars. When a well-known bar disappears from the scene, why not replace it with a similarly sounding copy, just like they do with bands? Anyone for Effing B Bar? Or Club Glue? We’re waiting for a certain Soi 15 show bar to shut so we can open Analbitch.

Some people make a big thing about men in Pattaya going with much younger women like it never happened anywhere else, but as we know, that’s bollocks. Take Bruce Forsyth, for instance. His wife’s 40 years younger than him – but then so is his hair.

A group of 22 students were injured on Highway 36 last Wednesday morning after they were involved in a collision with a container truck. None of the students were seriously hurt but their motorbike was a write off.”

Now who could argue with that?...

 

A Thai woman was rushed to hospital after her husband launched a frenzied attack on her with a machete and a meat cleaver on Valentine’s Day. Who says romance is dead?

Police received a report the other day of a mysterious death in a Pattaya seafood restaurant, though if the place is anything like most of the seafood restaurants in Pattaya it’s hard to imagine what the mystery is.

Thailand’s first driverless electric bus has been offering passengers free rides around Phra Nakhon Si Ayutthaya province. It was last seen plunging off the end of Bali Hai Pier.

Finally, a German tourist made a complaint to police after he was given a kicking by Go Go staff in Soi Buakhao. He probably didn’t have his papers.

be seeing you

monkeyman

[teelack]

Many thanks for the update. Always good to hear about a ho hum gogo bar closing the doors with the hope that it's replaced by something better!

Strange to hear that a customer who died in a fish restaurant. It's usually about two hours after the meal before I spew and have to spend an hour on the toilet.

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