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Here's an account of my first visit to Pattaya, in March of 2002 - I'd been in BKK for ten days on my first ever visit and had spent most of it with one freelancer, and it was time to move on: This would be our last night together – I knew I had to get a look at Pattaya before my trip came to a close, and I was getting a little weary of Tai’s constant company anyway. She was a nice enough girl, but when you are a single man surrounded by so much beauty every day, the eye cannot help but wander… the streets of Bangkok seemed to be filled with gorgeous women, whether bar workers or not, and I just drank it in every minute of every day. I don’t remember what we did that night, probably went out to eat somewhere, and the next day we caught a taxi to Ekamai bus station. It seems to me the price for a ticket was very cheap, about 90-100 baht or so. Then I went out to the queue waiting to board the bus, and joined it after loading my bags into the bus. Well, I had just gotten to the door – we’d already said our goodbyes – and was preparing to board the bus, when the women at the door said no, next bus!! So I had to leave the line, take my bags off the bus and wait a few minutes for the next one! Once settled into that, I waved goodbye to Tai and away we went. Now Tai had mentioned to me before that she had formerly worked as a cook in Singapore for a while, and was expecting a call any day to go back there; I really didn’t expect to see her again, and neither of us had a mobile so I felt very much single again – whoopee, time for some more fun! The ride to Pattaya took about three hours on the bus, but seemed to take forever. The seat was hard and excruciatingly uncomfortable, and it was hot as well, and it wasn’t long before my ass was going to sleep and I had to constantly keep changing positions to restore some circulation to my nether regions. Then as we got closer to our final destination, I kept seeing posters in English advertising a weekend long music festival in Pattaya starting on this day!! Well, this gave me serious misgivings as I had no hotel reservation, and having lived in tourist destinations myself before, I was well aware of what special events like this can do for the availability of accommodation. Well, we finally got there and I dragged my weary ass off the bus wondering what to do next. On the bus station wall there was a sign advertising hotel rooms so I thought I’d take the easy way out and check into it. Of course I heard the words I had been dreading, “oh sorry, no rooms, hotel all full”. Jeez, don’t let this happen to me, thinks I – not in this heat, and in this strange place. So I replied, look – this is a major tourist resort, it’s gotta be full of hotels, and somebody somewhere must have a room. Okay, I make call, see if can find. First, he buggered around with a few other things while I stood there and overheated, worrying about where I would go from there. Finally he made one call and said he had found a room for me at the Welcome Inn Plaza - fine, I said – wondering why he had jerked me around at first when it was apparently as easy as making one phone call. Just having fun with the farang, I guess. I was guided into the back of the baht bus, somewhat pissed off, hot, tired and a little apprehensive as to where this thing would be taking me. As it turned out I had nothing to worry about as the bus dropped me off right at the hotel, and it turned out to be not a bad place, and for what I thought was a good price as well. I got settled in, took a much needed shower, and headed out to check out the town. (It was the Welcome Inn Plaza, a little old and worn even in those days but couldn't beat the location!) First I had to get across 2nd Road – somewhat daunting to a newbie, and I sure missed those pedestrian overpasses on Sukhumvit. There was an ATM just on the other side of the road, and with baht in wallet I was ready for action. It was great, there were so many bars everywhere, and the beer prices were cheap too. I was alone for the first time in days, and I was going to have some fun. I realized right off the bat that it was extremely unlikely that I would run into Rick (an older English fellow who was the first farang I met in BKK and hung around with for a few days) – there were just too many venues and he had gone there without making a hotel reservation either. As it turned out later, he had left the day before I arrived anyway. I kept skipping from bar to bar, and having a beer or two in each one. It was like being a kid in a candy store, always something (or someone) new to discover, and no shortage of propositions either. The beer was going down great. At some point in that night, though, things got woozy and I started to black out – I remember sitting in a little bar somewhere around Soi Post Office, then the next thing I recall was being led up a flight of stairs in what appeared to be an apartment block, hand in hand with a girl. My next lucid memory is sitting on the floor of a room with minimal furnishings – the first time I had been in what was obviously a short time place – with my pants down, and with a girl trying with not much success to give me a hand job. She had her top off but was still wearing a short skirt, and I looked at her and said “are you a ladyboy?” She just gave me a demure smile and kept on working away. I kept slipping in and out of consciousness as this was going on, but I do remember clearly asking her this question three times, and never getting any answer…. When I came to again, I was making my way down the stairs alone thinking to myself “What the f**k was all that about?!?” The next time consciousness returned I was lying face down on one of the twin single beds in my room at 4:00AM fully clothed. I lifted my head and looked around me and damned if there wasn’t a girl in the other bed! I didn’t remember a thing about meeting her or getting back to the hotel. I got up and had something from the fridge to drink, and she woke up and moved in the other bed. “Who are you?” says I. “Poo”, says she. How romantic. Well, she’d hooked up with me somewhere and managed to get me back to the hotel, Buddha bless her. I still didn’t remember a damn thing. So off came my clothes and I jumped into bed with her, but really didn’t feel like any sex at that point, so we just cuddled up for a while and went back to sleep. I gave her a few hundred baht in the morning and sent her on her way – I could see she was disappointed that I didn’t give her more, but we didn’t have sex anyway. Now I regret having that attitude at the time, I should have paid her the going rate plus a tip just for getting me back to the hotel and saving me from further trouble. Live and learn again… Now it is obvious to me that there was more involved here than just beer. I am a big, solid guy in his mid 40’s who has been drinking beer more or less steadily since I was 16, and there is just no way I get into this kind of mess from doing that alone. I will have occasional memory lapses, but not like I had that night. Also, no matter how drunk I am I still manage to get my clothes off before falling into bed. No, there is no doubt in my mind that somebody slipped drugs into my drink. The next morning I had no real hangover, and just felt a little tired – again, if I had drunk enough booze to incapacitate me in this manner, I would have had one hell of a hangover, no matter what I was drinking. I emerged from the hotel around noon or so and headed off for refreshments. At one little beer bar I struck up a conversation with a Brit about the same age as me, and we were joined a little later by a young Swedish guy with long blonde hair and blue eyes, a handsome face and a real easy going attitude. I couldn’t help but thinking at the time that this young Adonis must have been knocking the bargirls dead all over Pattaya; he would have been popular enough amongst women of his own race – lucky fella. Anyway, the three of us barhopped and played pool for a while, and they decided it was time for a trip to the Pump Station, unbeknownst to me the premier blowjob bar in Pattaya. I was starting to fade by this time, though, and I declined and found my way back to the room for a nap instead. I never did see either of these two again, but that’s the way it is in Pattaya – you make these fleeting friendships along the way with people from all over the world, and it is lots of fun. I slept for a couple of hours and woke up feeling just like new. Back to the bars again – I did the rounds of a few beer bars and then hit the gogos. What kind of girl would I end up with tonight? Now I tend to lump the bg’s into three general physical classifications: Pixie – the tiny ones Slinky – taller and very slender Chunky – more voluptuous, bigger tits but usually a little more padding as well. No matter what the type – and the lines often do blur between them, I will admit – there is one thing that any woman who catches my eye must have, and that is that lovely curving flare from waste to hip. A decent bust also serves to enhance this curve, which to me is the essence of womanhood and results in that classic hourglass figure. Tonight I’d decided on a pixie, and I found a hot one in one of the go-go bars on Pattayaland 1 or 2. It wasn’t that late, but I’d had enough to drink for the night. She must have been about 4’10” and 40kg, just right, and had her hair in dreadlocks which didn’t really appeal to me that much, but she seemed to have a good attitude. On the way home I picked her up piggyback and ran along the street with her for a way, amusing some of the other farangs on the sidewalk – she hardly weighed anything. I had a decent session with her, but no sooner had we finished than she was itching to leave – fair enough, I paid her s/t rather than the l/t I had intended and off she went. She had told me she was 21, but I saw her photo on her bar’s website later and it said she was 18 – who can tell? I didn’t know much about their ID cards at that time, and of course I naively assumed that if they were old enough to work in the bar then they were old enough to take out of it – another thing you can’t and shouldn’t take for granted in Thailand. Well, as I mentioned it still wasn’t that late, so I relaxed for a while and then decided to go out again. I visited a few more gogos and then eventually I ended up in the Dollhouse, and my eye landed on one sweet thing that just looked lovely on the stage. She was young, and seemed a little more shy than some of the other dancers. She saw me gawking at her, and gave me a little smile now and then. I decided to check her out, and when she was rotated off the stage I waved her over and bought her a lady drink. She had almost no English, but had this lovely innocent look to her that I found appealing, and I ended up barfining her and taking her back to the room soon after. We stopped to pick up the key, and I got hit up for a 300 baht joiner fee! I mentioned the fact that I hadn’t had to pay last night, but the desk clerk insisted, and she put it right on the bill too, so I could see it wasn’t going in anyone’s pocket. I wasn’t charged the next night, and it was the same inconsistency I had noted in the Ruamchit in Bangkok. Into the bathroom for the obligatory shower, and out she came – and I was horrified to see that her face was an absolute mess of pimples – the make-up had hidden everything. I felt sorry for the poor little thing, because she was so attractive otherwise. We had a little session, but the booze, recent sex, and condom all took their toll and I was unable to finish things off – she asked in her little-girl voice, “you feenees?” No, mai pen rai, go to sleep, little one…she left quite early, around 6:AM – as I was to learn later, quite common with gogo girls, not so much beer bar girls, who often have to be almost pushed out the door the next afternoon! I am looking at this girl’s photo as I write this, and she looks about 16 years old – be careful out there, guys – even the bigger gogos hire underage girls sometimes. The next day I just cruised around and idly explored more beer bar areas – ending up in one on Beach Road not far from Soi 8 a little later in the afternoon. I ended up chatting up and barfining a nice-looking girl from there. She was more of a “slinky” type, about 5’7” or so, with a smaller bust but those aforementioned flaring hips that catch my eye so effectively. It was some distance from the hotel, but she said she liked to walk so we had a nice stroll back to the hotel, and a pleasant session. I could tell she really didn’t want to leave, but I had decided to check out a “pizza night” at a local bar that supports a well-known internet forum (this one, I might add - all of these years later-and the bar was the FLB, of course), and decided to go it alone. I watched her fine figure walking across the hotel parking lot from my 8th story window, and I thought I could see a little slump in her shoulders – I really think she wanted me to take her out for the evening and maybe I should have; she was a nice girl and spoke decent English. I met the same girl a year later, and she just didn’t seem the same somehow; the lifestyle does wear on them. I went to the pizza night and met a few fellow “boardies”, and then struck out on my own again. I checked out a few bars, but just couldn’t make up my mind what I was looking for that night. Finally I ended up in one of the “Spicy Girl” gogos not too far from the hotel – it was pretty dead but I sat down to have a drink anyway. By this time it was around 12:30AM, and there were only two or three girls dancing. No sooner had my beer arrived than one of them stepped off the stage and sat beside me, and said “Please pay bar me! I so bored, no customah, I tired dance”. Well, this was one bg who was being honest – the place was boring and I could empathize with her totally at that point. So I thought, what the hell – I can’t make up my mind anyway, she’s as good as any, let’s go! I bought her a lady drink and we left shortly after. Now she was halfway between slinky and chunky – no stunner but fairly attractive; she had a lovely personality and was really hot in bed – the best of the trip by far. A great kisser, instantly wet, and very sensual. In the morning she delighted me by jumping my bones again on her own accord – now that’s an attitude I could get used to! This is definitely one girl I would have taken again for more than a night or two – a real sweetie. I’ve found on travels since that it is often these spur of the moment decisions that result in the best experiences, and usually happen when it is late enough, and I am drunk enough that I am no longer trying to think much about finding someone better later on. It also seems to happen that you find the real sweeties on your last night in town, which this was – I only had two nights left and wanted to spend them in Bangkok before heading home. I didn’t have enough money to pay her, so she accompanied me across 2nd Road to the ATM, where I had to pay her in the street – not what I like to do, but I had to get going. I was genuinely sorry to see her go – I certainly would have seen her again. Then I went and hired a taxi – no more trips on that wretched bus for me – and made my way back to Bangkok, and my last couple of days in Paradise. Footnote – while getting my gear together, I changed my pants and realized that the zipper on my money belt was partially open – what’s this? I opened it all the way and discovered that a $100 bill I had been saving was missing. Somebody got a good score….I hadn’t checked it for days, and it could have been any of the aforementioned girls. Money belts are safe if you are wearing them, but an invitation if you are not…I’m a lot more careful nowadays. I couldn't wait to go back after this trip - I scoured the internet for every bit of info I could find over the next ten months and was much better prepared upon my return, when I stayed for a month - and I've returned every year since. This lightly-edited account was originally published as a Stickman submission in 2005 - unfortunately, my original photos from that trip have been lost..