Gonzo

Who would want to watch when the result is a foregone conclusion? Certainly not educated Aussie cricket followers, who would rather earn a honest day's living by going to work, instead of watching a meaningless batting display by your mob. Why didn't your side not declare sooner to make a go of it. Ponting would have. No guts no glory.

Japan and Korea are shit and expensive. Singapore is not what it used to be, compared to the old Bugis Street days and Penang has become a lot more expensive as well, with half the fun. The Philippines, like Thailand, has changed a lot less over the last 30 years and is still a mongers paradise. Try Cebu and countless other places instead of those shit holes Manila and AC. Bali has been my favourite destination and will remain so forever. India consists of hundreds of different regions. Some are hell and others are heaven. It helps to be a younger bloke to discover the more exciting places.

The Second test starts in Adelaide tomorrow. Do we have to give the cocky Poms more respect after their almost credible batting performance at the Gabba in the second innings, which allowed them to manage to draw the first test? I just hope the powers-that-be have it in their heart to give us a less flat wicket, than they did in Brisbane to give the bowlers a chance. Don't forget the Poms only managed to get 11 wickets in Brisbane and so did we. The high scores of Cook, Trott and Strauss count for nothing , if you look at that way. Another hopeless and flat wicket in Adelaide will probably ensure another five-day test and more money in the coffers, but it is far from good for test cricket and especially for the all important Ashes series against our nemesis.

My favourite version of that song.

If you are cashed up and and fair dinkum about making a quid for Christmas, I will arrange a meeting with my Pakistani bookie.

Next time you listen to me when I make a prediction and put some money on my tips. Your batsmen would have easily scored that second double century, if your side had not declared for the obligatory declaration late in the last innings. Any team would have scored a lot of runs on that flat wicket in Brisbane. Our hopeless bowlers and some of the fielders dropping sitters did not help either. Anyway, congratulations to England for being able to draw the first test of this Ashes series. Can we borrow some of your South African batsmen to give Australia a better chance for the forthcoming test in Adelaide?

I have not heard from him for a while. It has been a long time since he visited Pattaya. I think the ex-Vietnam vet is nowadays just content to watch his grand kids grow up, drink Emu Export Lager and punt on the horses. He lives just across from the Subiaco Oval in Perth, from where he watches his beloved footy team, Fremantle. The old Kelpie was the bane of most message board and in the end was banned from all of them. Only the Bahtbus would have him, where slagging other members and flaming was almost compulsory.

Point taken. I probably misunderstood your message. No more hard feelings then.

I might be of German descent, but I have been the proud holder of an Australian passport for the last 45 years. I have never been back to Europe in all of that time, you bitter old man. Don't blame me for the problems your country is facing right now. For your sake, I hope Strauss and Cook make a double century each in the second innings at the Gabba tomorrow, just to lift you out of your depression.

I agree with you. Australian DVD players are generally in region 4. it appears they phased out multi-region players a few years ago, to stop users to play cheap imported copies. Like you said the more expensive brands fall into that category. I went to a Harvey Norman store in Darwin and asked one of the young blokes how to overcome this problem. He pointed to a cheap Sony DVD player made in Malaysia and said it would play all DVDs from all regions. He was right. The cheap Sony DVD player cost me A$ 59.

Without the strong economy of Germany, the rest of Europe would bite the dust in the not so distant future, including England. I hope you will do better in the Ashes series to put a bit of joy into your miserable lives.

I missed that one. I remember when we had a fundraiser pool tournament in your bar in Soi 2. You duly won that tournament, after I just lost against the previous year's winner. You generously awarded all of the prize money to Father Giovanni Camillian's Centre. I had the pleasure to meet Johnny Walker, Brum Brian (RIP), Noel Thomas (RIP), Donkeykong and many of the other lads. They were all great lads. Are any of those blokes still around? You had some great ladies working in your bar as well. Cheers mate I used to post as Sigi on the Bahtbus. l

It was the first board I joined and where I posted frequently. The board was run by Nalak, an American on a disability pension, caused by injuries in the Nam. People nowadays complain how much better Pattaya was ten years ago. I can attest that the message boards in those days were superior to what we have now. There were fantastic posters in those days and who can forget the likes of Spiccoli, the Kelpie, Donkeykong, the Pale Rider, Axewound and countless others great posters. There was a dispute over donations to a charity, a couple of years after I joined and some of us created the infamous Bahtbus, which turned out to be a fantastic board, moderated by Noel Thomas (aka Sweeney Todd). The main aim of the Bahtbus was to support the Camillian Centre in Rayong by Father Giovanni Contarion, to look after mainly HIV-infected kids. Unfortunately, Noel Thomas died from cancer a few years ago and the Bahtbus was discontinued.

You must be an old bastard. Poor Alma died from cancer in 1966 at the age of 34. John Lennon was one of her lovers. Alma was a better sort than Yoko Ono by a country mile.

I arrived in Pattaya 10 years ago after doing most of my mongering, when I had time off from work, in Indonesia and PI. I still remember the many whingers on the Thai message boards then, complaining how much better Pattaya was in the nineties and before. Yes, Pattaya has changed in the last ten years of my time here, but mostly for the better. Infrastructure has improved, the price of accommodation and food has hardly gone up, transport has to be some of the cheapest in the world and bar fines, ST, LT has only increased marginally over my time here. The quality of the girls is just as good as it was before. You might just have to look a little bit harder to find the right ones. So stop whingeing you whingers.

The fourth hat-trick in the history of Ashes cricket and Siddle was lucky to get into the side in place of in-form Bollinger. Siddle has a heart as big as Phar Lap and the selectors must have taken that into consideration. The Poms game plan fell apart as soon as their South African captain was out for as duck. It was good to see Doherty get his first two wickets to clean up the Pommie tail. Now, all we want to see, is a good batting performance by our lads tomorrow.

You seldom see Aussies crying into their beer, unless there is a shortage of beer. We have lost most of our cricket events this year, but for for your mob to beat us on our home soil is highly unlikely. You have not done so for a quarter of a century and our new mob of replacements of the cricket greats like Warnie, Hayden, Mc Grath, et cetera will do your International team like a dinner. Bring it on.

Funky, where the fuck are you? Have you thrown in the towel before the start of one of the most important sporting events between our two great countries? Don't tell me you are paying more attention to that silly Royal couple and their wedding bullshit. Pom and Aussie Ashes test cricket forever!!!!

It sounds like you have lived an exciting and dangerous life so far and tackling the terrifying Pattaya Zebra and Pelican crossings in Pattaya was a huge part of it. You can never be too careful. Just imagine the dangers you might be exposed to, after a condom breaks during the heat of passion with your one and only.

Actually, it was on 14 February 1966 when Australia changed to the metric system. I let a copy and paste from Google answer your question. Metric vs. Imperial or Will the USA ever go metric? 70 rate or flag this pageTweet this By Gregorious Metric vs. Imperial Metric vs. Imperial Fact: The United States is the only industrialized country in the world that doesn't use the metric system as its predominant system of weights and measures. Today only the USA, Liberia and Myanmar still use the old English Imperial system. The rest of the world is metric. Here is a funny fight between Metric and Imperial System. And the winner is... Metric vs. Imperial or Will the USA ever go metric? Ladies and gentlemen, we are here today to determine the United States measurement challenge once and for all. In the blue corner we have our current US champion for many years, weighing in at 220.4623 pounds, our hero: Igor Imperial. In the red corner we have, weighing in at 100kg all the way from France, and currently storming the world wherever he goes, our challenger: Mean Mr Metric. It will be a great fight today and one that may change the course of history. Can Mean Mr Metric defeat Igor Imperial and change US life forever, or will Igor outwit the classy opponent and maintain his place in history. We are about to find out. Gentlemen, I want a clean fight. Shake hands and come out fighting on the bell. Round 1: "DONG" They both approach each other and meet in the middle of the ring. Metric has trained well and opens with the first punch: How many feet in a mile? Imperial answers after a moments hesitation with: 5280 "Good exchange there Bob, hasn't worried either of them." "No Bill, it's still neck and neck, although Imperial took a fraction of a second to divert that question." Imperial decides to attack with a similar strategy: How many metres in a kilometre? Instantly, Metric flashes back with: 1000 "Wasn't that a great counter by Metric eh Bob - so quick. He's looking good tonight" "Sure is Bill" Imperial goes on the attack again with a curly one: How much does a litre of water weigh? Metric comes back quickly with: 1 kilogram "Great offense from Imperial there Bob. Combining both measurement of mass and volume - well thought out." "Sure thing Bill, but I think he may have left himself a bit vulnerable here. If I can guess, Metric should follow up with..." How much does a pint of water weigh? Imperial reels back with such a tough one. He hesitates. "Thought he'd do that Bill, he's looking shaky. I wonder how he's trained for this?" Suddenly, Imperial's eyes light up and he comes back with: 1.0431758 pounds "Well Bob, our champ got out of that one but it was a bit messy eh?" "It was Bill. I think he was lucky there. Metric should come back with a tough one here if he's got it in him." As Metric prepares for an offense, the champ Imperial slips in a sneaky one: If 1mm of rain falls on 1 square metre of roof, how much water is collected? "What a shot Bob! That'll hurt him." Metric defends without a flinch: 1 litre "No Bill, Metric has trained too well and has got too much ability. That reply was instananeous. You know, I think he should follow the same strategy as before and follow up with..." If 1 point of rain falls on 1 square foot of roof, how much water is collected? "Imperial is down!" 1 2 3 4 5 6 7... 7.97922 fl oz "What an answer! Our boy's still got guts!" "DONG" End of Round 1. "Bill, that bell came just at the right time. This fight shouldn't last the next round." "You're right Bob, but that guy from France is just too good. Round 2: "DONG" Imperial comes out and slips in a gentle offense: How many grams in a kilogram? Metric defends: 1000 "Playground stuff there Bob." "Yeah Bill" Metric goes for the kill: How many grains in an ounce? "Uh oh. I think this is it Bob." Imperial stutters: uuuhhhhmmmmmmm. Which system? "Oh Bill, he's answered with a question. That's not following the spirit of the game!" Metric replies: All three. "Curtains Bill. I'm sure." Imperial responds: Well in Avoirdupois its 437.5, in Apothecary its 480 and the other one is... What other one? Metric jabs: You tell me. Imperial falls to the floor. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 "Knocked out Bob!" "Yeah Bill. I guess we have to get used to the idea of a new system here in the US of A. This guy is a mean lean measuring machine." "Just let me interrupt you Bob, our man Leroy is down in the ring talking with Mean Mr Metric." "Mean Mr Metric that was an incredible last blow there. Tell me what is that other system" Tell you the truth, Leroy, I don't know nor care. I just know there are three and they are all stupid. "Interesting response there from Mean Mr Metric, Back to you Bill" "We've just got word that the judges are going to make an announcement..." After final discussion, the judges have decided to declare the fight null and void due to the fact that the win by Mean Mr Metric would mean that some politicians might lose the next election.

MM, I have always tried to keep this conversation at a lighthearted level. What I say is often tongue-in cheek. There is no need for you to get nasty or play the race card.

Australia changed from the imperial system to the metric system in 1964, which was a good thing. Do you think America could do the same in the distant future, when its economic and financial crisis has improved?

I am surprised there are so many search results on Google about a word, which is used mainly by Aussies and they spell it whingeing. Well, most of them do. So, stop your whingeing and whining. Have you ever heard about the Rechtschreibreform, which came into effect on 1. August 1998? It was then agreed by Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, the German-speaking minorities of Belgium, Romania, Italy and Hungary to use the same written German. It was a huge undertaking by the best scholars from those countries and took many years to achieve. Do you think the English-speaking countries should do the same? I would be quite happy to use humor and meter, as long as you accept whingeing and footpath.