VPI78

Nice ... I miss George and Martin. Noticed a shot of CDMM; has anyone heard from him recently?

A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. "Do you think you could give me some tips?" He asked. The old man looked him up and down and said. "Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’" "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man. "Sure will." Replied the old-timer. The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That’s terrific." Said the hot shot.. "Got any more tips for me?" "Yep." Said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man. "You bet it will." Said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. "Wow!" Exclaimed the cowboy. "I’m learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?" The old man pointed to a large can in a corner. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it." The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. "No." Said the old-timer. "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" Asked the young man. "No." Said the old-timer. "But when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he’s gonna shove that gun up your ass and it won’t hurt near as much!"

"An older lady gets pulled over for speeding"... Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there e a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. Don't Mess With Old Ladies