Braveheart

The Caps need it after the season they had this year. Ovechkin was the only bright light in a rather dismal season. I thoroughly enjoyed the rookie scoring race this year between Ovechkin and Crosby, they both had outstanding rookie seasons. The fact that Crosby scored 102 pts as an 18 year old is incredible to say the least and I don't say that to take away Ovechkin's achievements. Both pittsburgh and Washington promise to be much improved teams next year and I will be surprised if either misses the playoffs next year.

He is the next superstar for the Washington Capitals as well as the Russian national team. He is phenomenal and I hate to say it but the only player that he really reminds me of is a young Wayne Gretzky. He is almost unstoppable. As Washington won't be in the playoffs this year you can expect Ovechkin can be fully expected to steal the show at the World Hockey Championships this year in Latvia.

I had the pizza several times while in FLB and it hit the spot! That was a lot better than the locust the girls were offering me , although I had some locust later .

Ovechkin just scored his 50th goal of the year. Only the 3rd rookie to ever do so, the other 2 being Teemu Selanne and Joe Juneau.

mgc, Unfortunately I'm stuck in Canada until 25 May . If you're around at the end of May maybe we can hook up.

mgc, Guess I owe you some .

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a -------. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. My car was parked aroung the corner. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age.

Number One Idiot of 2005 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away. Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride. Number Two Idiot of 2005 Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run. Number Three Idiot of 2005 A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of Montreal, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of Montreal and crossed the street to the CIBC. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Montreal deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a CIBC deposit slip or go back to Bank of Montreal Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of Montreal. Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway. Number Four Idiot of 2005 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about)! Number Five Idiot of 2005 A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. This guy definitely needs a sign. Idiot Number Six of 2005 A pair of Manitoba robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need a sign; he probably figured it out himself. Idiot Number Seven of 2005 Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign.

Ovechkin is a lock for rookie of the year and he will also get a lot of consideration as league MVP. His future is nothing if not bright.

I've heard one very similar to this live on the radio in Edmonton, we howled for hours. And they gave them the prize. This one should be on the classics wall. Thanks leemo it still puts a smile on my face.

Ask and ye shall receive. “What is the origin of the phrase, life of Riley (or Reilly)?” [A] There are several explanations for this phrase, all of them centring on popular music. William and Mary Morris point to a comic song written by the vaudevillian Pat Rooney in 1890 in which the hero of the song, a hotel-keeper named Reilly (or Riley), describes what he will do when he strikes it rich: New York “will swim in wine when the White House and Capitol are mine”. A version made famous by burlesque performers Ned Harrigan and Tony Hart has these lines in the chorus: Well, if that's Mr. Riley They speak of so highly. Why, faith, Mr Riley, You're looking quite well. It was revived and updated in 1915 as a patriotic war song under the title Are you the O’Reilly? as an attempt to cash in on the success of It’s a Long, Long Way to Tipperary, and contained the chorus line “Gor blim me, O’Reilly, you are looking well”. H L Mencken suggested as an alternative possible source The Best in the House is None Too Good for Reilly, which was written by Lawlor and Black at about the same period as Pat Rooney’s song. On this side of the Atlantic, it is firmly believed that the song is of Anglo-Irish origins, and that the popularity of the phrase dates from a music-hall song My Name is Kelly written by Pease in 1919, which has the line “Faith and my name is Kelly, Michael Kelly, But I’m living the life of Reilly just the same”. Pease is here using a phrase which he obviously expected his audience to recognise, but we have no earlier recorded use. Eric Partridge also thought the phrase is British and that it was taken up in America only in the 1930s, which would make the various US songs irrelevant as sources. But we just don’t know the truth of the matter. The spelling of the name is as variable as that of the Irish surname itself, but Riley now seems to be preferred. “Who is Larry and why is he happy?” [A] A neat question, but American readers in particular will need some background before I can address it. The phrase happy as Larry seems to have originated as either Australian or New Zealand slang sometime before 1875. This date is earlier than that given in most dictionaries, but H W Orsman, editor of the Oxford Dictionary of New Zealand English, has traced it to a New Zealand writer named G L Meredith, who wrote in about 1875: “We would be as happy as Larry if it were not for the rats”. Unlike other odd phrases—the Australian happy as a boxing kangaroo in fog time and the New Zealand happy as a sick eel on a sandspit come to mind—it was meant positively: extremely happy or content. There’s a suggestion that it comes from the name of the nineteenth-century Australian boxer Larry Foley (1847-1917), though why he was especially happy nobody now seems able to say. Perhaps he won a lot of contests? (He was certainly one of those who originated gloved boxing rather than bare-knuckle fighting in Australia and his name is still remembered there.) But this origin is far from certain and the early New Zealand reference renders it less so, without ruling it out altogether. Dr Orsman’s suggestion is that it is more likely to come from an English dialect source, larrie, joking, jesting, a practical joke. Another possible link is with the Australian and New Zealand term larrikin for a street rowdy or young urban hooligan, recorded from the late 1860s but known especially in both countries from the 1880s onwards in reference to a specific subculture. Like other groups before and since, the larrikins had their own dress style, in their case very neat and rather severe. The word may well have come from English dialect larrikin for a mischievous youth, once common in Warwickshire and Worcestershire, which itself is closely related to larrie. Either of these sources could afterwards have been reinforced through a supposed connection with Larry Foley. I cannot take the credit for these answers. The answers come from the World Wide Words website: World Wide Words They have lots of shit. Glad you enjoyed.

It will really depend on the currency exchange service you use. How much commission they are charging? What is their exchange rate as this will differ from the open market rate. As a general rule the more you change your money the more you are going to lose.

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned Beef and Cabbage! If I get Corned Beef and Cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a Bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw Corned Beef and Cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the Bologna, and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of Corned Beef and Cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him Tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, " I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many." The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesnt wear his collar that way." The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

A Scotsman moves to the USA and after being there awhile finally attends his first baseball game. The first batter approached the batters' box, takes a few swings and then hits a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming "Run"! The next batter hits a single. The Scotsman listened as the crowd again cheered "RUN, RUN"!! The Scotsman enjoyed the game and began screaming with the fans. The fifth batter came up and four balls went by. The Umpire called "Walk." The batter started his slow trot to first base. The Scot stood up and screamed, "Rrrrun ye lazy bastard, rrrun!" The people around him began laughing. Embarrassed, the Scot sat back down. A friendly fan noted the man's embarrassment, leaned over and explained "He can't run -- he's got four balls." The Scot stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, lad."

What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere. What is the difference between inlaws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with? Whatever she wants. He's sleeping. Where does virgin wool come from? Ugly sheep. How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony? It isn't hard. How can you piss off your wife while making love? Call her from your cellphone. What does the bride of a Polish man get that's long and hard on her wedding night? His last name. What's the down side to a threesome? You'll likely disappoint two women instead of just one.'' How do you know you're really ugly? Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg. Why are most hurricanes named after women? Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house and car.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valued lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place - reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; Mr. Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is: you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..." God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?!" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman???" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion; 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds; 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much; 4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust; 5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!" "Hmmmm, you have some good points there..." replied God, "it may be true that my invention is flawed, but according to my calculations, more men are riding my invention than yours!"

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.) One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no, souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God." THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

I THOUGHT THIS WAS VERY INTERESTING - ESPECIALLY THE LAST BIT In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb". Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury. Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. Coca-Cola was originally green. It is impossible to lick your elbow. The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000 Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All invented by women. Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight." It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's" Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice. ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~ At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

There was once a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he only had one testicle. He asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that anymore. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up and grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged and said, "Good to see you Onestone." Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day and all night, then made love to her all the next day, and continued to make love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! What is the moral of this story?????? Oh, come on......take a guess! Think about it (You're going to love this!) And the moral is.... You can't kill two birds with one stone!!!

Seeing is believing. The first time I land or take off from there I'll believe it.

We've still got it!

Sorry buddy, gonna miss you by a couple of months. I'll try to leave enough beer and girls behind for you when I leave.

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she wiped with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!" "That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said..... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'