Riff-Raffles Update #3

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Kevin, owner of Jasmine Mansion has three updates this week on the Riff-Raffles site for your reading pleasure. Check it out when you get a chance!

 

On Thai People and Lying

I have often been heard to say to the Thai staff at the Jasmine Mansion, in my usual exasperated tones, ‘If you are going to lie then do so properly. Lie to the level where you are unlikely to be found out or, at least, make the story believable.’ Lying in Thailand is at a level where you have to be a complete muppet not to see through it. Initially you consider that the person lying to you is treating you with total contempt — so pathetic and lame is the story they are spinning you. However, I have come to realise that the lack of credibility is not due to me being perceived as stupid. It is that the person telling the lie just does not know how to properly think things through before providing you with a fabricated yarn.

 

As a race, telling lies does not come naturally to Thai people. Of course, there is a problem associated with them not wanting to ‘lose face’ and this is a situation where lying would actually be rather beneficial to them. However, they usually circumvent this by not responding to any direct questions which they either do not know the answer to or that the answer would show them to be in the wrong. This therefore obviates the need to lie. They will, instead, simply stare at the floor in the manner of a shamed puppy that has just urinated on your brand new Persian rug or alternatively smile tentatively like a young child begging forgiveness. Both of these actions are assured to induce you to rage. When you have gone red faced and shouted they become terribly upset, they cannot understand why you are behaving in such a barbaric fashion — you are now in the wrong!

Full Story

 

On Kevin Meacher and Lying

In the West lying has been perfected, and I consider that I mastered the art from a relatively young age. I will recount, by way of example, one of my favourite lies. Many years ago I was employed by W.H. Smiths, a bookstore and stationary chain with numerous branches throughout the UK. I worked at their Windsor branch on Saturdays and during my school holidays. It helped put some money in my pocket and left me some fond memories — several storeroom assignations that I will not bore you with.

 

Anyway, being the part-timer, I was given the tasks the full-time staff wanted to most avoid. Included in this was opening the shop and taking in the morning newspaper and magazine deliveries. I would arrive at around 06:00 AM, take in the papers, count them and add everything to the stock records. I would then put the periodicals out on the shelves having removed the remaining previous issues, marking up the ‘returns’ on the stock records. I would open the shop at seven thirty and deal with the early morning businessmen buying their preferred daily paper before continuing to the station to catch their train to London. The regular staff would arrive at nine and I would then have a thirty minute breakfast break. I still have not quite worked out how three hours extra work only entitles one to a thirty minute break but it is a little too late to see my union representative now!

 

As a young man it was not always easy for me to wake at 05:00 AM in order to get washed, dressed and make the twenty-minute journey into the centre of town to arrive at the appointed hour. Late nights at pubs and clubs accompanied by far too much alcohol would often see me still fast asleep several hours after I should have been at work — the alarm clock safely tucked away at the bottom of my sock drawer. After several late arrivals I was given a formal warning and advised, in no uncertain terms, that any future tardiness would result in the loss of my job. Although this was never going to be a threat to my future career prospects it would rather cramp my style, I had become accustomed to having money in my pocket and I enjoyed some aspects of the job. I vowed never to be late again and kept this up until, well, the day immediately following the official warning….

Full Story

 

The Tale of the Dishonest Receptionist

Today I have to tell you of another pointless and transparent fabrication. This is made even worse by the fact as it was spun by a receptionist here at the Jasmine Mansion, Pon, who has spent the last five years living in England. With Tony Blair as the country’s Prime Minister how on earth could she not have learned how to lie properly?

 

Pon was working her last few days, she being a rare exception in having given us notice of her intention to leave her job. She had to return to England so she would be quitting at the end of this month. Around midday two customers who had checked in for one night and stayed for two weeks were eventually departing, off to Bangkok for a couple of nights prior to returning home to the UK.

 

Pon had become rather friendly with these guests, but she was a naturally outgoing person so nothing much was made of this initially. I then noticed that one of these guests would arrive back at the hotel at eight in the morning claiming to have been out drinking all night. He would sit down, have breakfast and read the newspaper and then his book. He would also appear rather less disheveled than one would expect of a person who had been on the booze for twelve hours. I do not know about you, but for me focusing on a newspaper after that level of alcoholic intake would be more than impossible. It was also strange that he always arrived here within ten minutes of Pon having started her shift!

 

As is usually the case at this time of year, we are very short staffed at the hotel. The Songkran festival sees many Thai people living in Pattaya return to their families for the New Year festivities, leaving Mrs. Boss and I to do most of the work ourselves. Although we were both sure that Pon was having a relationship with this particular guest, which is a sackable offence, she was not conducting it at the hotel. Besides, she was leaving us shortly and we needed every pair of hands we could get. We therefore decided to play dumb and overlook the indiscretion whilst keeping a close eye on the account for this particular guest.

The Tale of the Dishonest Receptionist

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Mrs. Boss and I were chatting away about the events of the day, in particular Pon’s disappearing act, when young James chipped in from the back seat ‘Daddy, Pon get into taxi with customer. I see her, she get in taxi which was outside the shop next door to the hotel.’ Guilty as charged!

 

I suppose the moral of this tale, if there really is one, is that if you are going to try pulling the wool over the eyes of Mrs. Boss and I then make sure you have a bloody large flock of sheep at your disposal.

 

I have really enjoyed the Jasmine Mansion tales, and laughed my ass off several times. It's highly readable, and spot-on.

 

But not now. I am frankly appalled you'd be so proud of being a busybody old lady. Your employee likes a customer. Totally and completely, she moves this into her private life, on her own time and does not affect your business or her working efficiency in any manner. You don't just go behind her back, you don't just gossip and giggle and yak over it with your wife, you claim no one can "get away with something". Then you brag about invading her privacy. You're not even slightly worried about her job performance, you want to know her private life.

 

I think this particular tale, and its manner of telling, are quite disgusting. You should be glad Pon is simply leaving the job, and not dropping a few little items around to remind you about her for weeks or months later. If it were me, I sure would.

[Hippie 0]

I think this particular tale, and its manner of telling, are quite disgusting. You should be glad Pon is simply leaving the job, and not dropping a few little items around to remind you about her for weeks or months later. If it were me, I sure would.

Either I missed something here, or you did. He says Pon had missed work with no notice, and lied about it. In addition, she was dating a customer, which was against the rules of her employment--not that I agree with that rule, but presumably she was well aware of it. I can't see where he did anything out of line.

[joekicker 53]

Either I missed something here, or you did. He says Pon had missed work with no notice, and lied about it. In addition, she was dating a customer, which was against the rules of her employment--not that I agree with that rule, but presumably she was well aware of it. I can't see where he did anything out of line.

 

Well, you can have your take on it and we can disagree. But frankly when I saw the following line, that's where I thought they were just way over the on her. Just for the record, I don't believe they could make that "no relations" rule stick in the Thai Labour Court, either - and for very good reasons IMHO.

 

I'm sorry this story got into the book collection. I don't think it belongs. And this is why:

 

 

Although we were both sure that Pon was having a relationship with this particular guest, which is a sackable offence, she was not conducting it at the hotel. Besides, she was leaving us shortly and we needed every pair of hands we could get.